is an unfiltered ocean. Your standards are like the purifier that you use to weed out the things that can be harmful to you. The smaller the holes, or the more detailed you are about the standards you have, the more contaminants you remove and the more people you can eliminate.”
There are different levels to finding yourself, one of which is finding people that complement you. This is sometimes seen as the hardest of all levels because it usually takes the longest, and sometimes we feel as if this is the level we have the least control over. The key is to not dwell on it so much. Many people look at this level like it’s some sort of competition. It isn’t. Some people feel that if they don’t have a line around the corner of candidates waiting to take a seat at their table, then somehow there must be something wrong with their product or establishment. This is not always true. Sometimes people draw crowds because of popularity, which isn’t always good. Sometimes people draw crowds because they are giving something away. This is even worse.
It’s not about how many people want to wait in line, or how many people are interested in sitting down at the table with you. It’s about you. It’s about who you open your doors to; it’s about who you feel comfortable enough sitting down at the table with; it’s about who you are willing to feed, with your time, energy, attention, and love. You will make out better in the long run. I promise you. The saying, “Quality over Quantity,” applies so much here. Do you want to be seen as a fast-food chain or a five-star restaurant? Truth be told, it all depends on how you feel about the product you are serving.
The first thing you must focus on doing is setting the table. Setting your table can be as simple as making it perfectly clear to whomever desires a seat what is on the menu and what is not. The clearer you make this in the beginning, the fewer problems you’ll have in the end. Where a lot of people go wrong is offering people things that aren’t necessarily on their menu. If this happens, you’ll find yourself bending over backwards trying to please people in ways that you aren’t comfortable with. Pretty soon you’ll get tired of doing that. Then who do you blame? Be careful what you offer. Set your table, and make sure the menu is in ink, not pencil.
Keep in mind that you must be fair and firm. Fair, because when you set the table, the standard of the person you require should be equal to the type of service they receive. You can’t expect a man to wear a suit jacket to a restaurant where the hostess is wearing jeans and a T-shirt, right? So, make sure you embody the same standards you require.
As far as firm goes, this is where a lot of people go wrong. A lot of times, we meet someone, and they’re close. Other times, we just think they’re close. Know the difference. Remember, it’s one thing to have a bar that bends, but it’s completely different to have one that moves up and down. If you set your table and develop your list of things you won’t tolerate, cool. Then you have to compose another list which allows you to decide who’s even worthy of sitting down at your table. Now you’re in good shape; don’t mess that up. Next, and most importantly, watch out for those who slip through the cracks. That’s when you need to pull out the firm. The firm is what’s going to stop you from falling for the “best so far” or the “first decent one in a while.” While this might seem like a short-term victory, ultimately you could be making a long-term mistake.
Set your table and stick to it.
Dear Woman,
Sometimes,
you’ll just be too much woman.
Too smart.
Too beautiful.
Too strong.
Too much of something
that makes a man feel like less of a man,
which will start making you feel
like you have to be less of a woman.
The biggest mistake you can make
is removing jewels from your crown
to make it easier for a man to carry.
When this happens, I need you to understand:
You do not need a smaller crown—
You need a man with bigger hands.
“One of the most beautiful things to witness is observing a woman who has fallen in love with herself; one who accepts her flaws and appreciates her gifts, but is most proud of how well the two fit together.”
I cannot stress enough the importance of self-love. Once you find it, it will truly be your best friend. It’s the key to living a positive life. It’s about acceptance, it’s about honesty, and it’s about being content. It’s about loving who you see in the mirror, whether it’s 6 a.m. on a Tuesday in your bathroom or 10 p.m. in the mirror of your car on a Saturday night. They are the same woman.
Many women get too caught up in what society thinks is beautiful. It’s ok to see beauty in others and appreciate it, but what you should never do is see the beauty in someone else and let it make you feel uncomfortable about you.
“Everybody wants to be the girl in the magazine, but the girl in the magazine isn’t even the girl in the magazine.”
When you don’t have that self-love, you go looking for it. You start second-guessing yourself when it comes to your beauty. You’ll start wondering how you can make yourself beautiful. Be careful.
Ask yourself, “How far am I willing to go?” There is a difference between playing with makeup and wanting a new face, or between wanting to lose a few pounds and not eating today because the way someone else looked yesterday makes you want to look like her tomorrow. Instead, give credit where credit is due, including to yourself. You are a model, too. It’s just that the magazine you should be on the cover of hasn’t gone to print yet. They haven’t written the song yet for the music video you’re supposed to star in. So, should that stop you? Absolutely not, not when the whole world is your runway. There isn’t a height, weight, skin tone, hairstyle, or “look” that’s trending. You know what’s really in and never going out of style? You. The sooner you realize it, the sooner you’ll crack a smile when you see those people who try too hard to be someone else —the people who spend hours getting ready to be seen for minutes. Don’t let that be you. Life is lived by the second. Don’t waste it trying to get ready for the world. Wake up, look in the mirror, and ask yourself, “Is the world ready for me?” Love the skin you’re in—if not, you’re going to wake up one day and not even recognize yourself.
Dear Woman,
Never forget that you’re beautiful.
When the makeup can’t seem to beat your face enough.
When the corsets and body wraps
can’t shrink your waist enough.
Be woman enough
to
