that her keys had fallen and then didn’t even think to help her pick them up. Thankfully, the (female) person right behind him picked them up for her. But I began to wonder why someone would do that. I mean, it’s a simple gesture that could have helped her a lot. Maybe no one had ever taught him to do such a thing, maybe he’d had bad experiences with helping others, especially women, or maybe he was just being an asshole. I don’t know what his reasoning was, but I do know if he had just picked up the keys for her, it would have helped her a great deal.
It got me thinking back to when I would make such gestures and people thought I was flirting with them. Yes, being nice has become so uncommon that some people mistake it for flirtation. I can name countless times that I have complimented someone and they replied, “I have a boyfriend”. Huh….okay, thanks for the memo, I have no interest in you whatsoever and I apologize for liking your floral dress. Believe it or not, ladies, a man can admire something about you without wanting to have sex with you, be with you, or even have ill intentions. When someone compliments the aesthetics of a building, no one says, “Well, the building isn’t interested in you;” it’s an irrelevant remark to something innocent and genuine. I’m simply saying, don’t take a compliment solely as someone’s way of being attracted to you. A lot of guys like myself who like art and fashion and have a creative mind don’t compliment you to hit on you. Take it as a nice thoughtful comment, say thank you, and keep it moving.
I believe that many men lack gentlemanly gestures for two reasons; one, people take it the wrong way, which causes some men to stop wanting to be a gentleman because they see no reward in being one, and two, that they were never taught how to make such gestures. Either way it goes, we need more gentlemanly gestures in this world. All in favor, say “Aye”…I can’t hear youuuuu, I SAID all in favor say “AYE!” I know we have all heard the term “pay it forward”, meaning do something nice for a random stranger and they will then hopefully feel the kindness of it and do the same for someone else. It’s a pattern that helps the world work a bit better in these rough days.
I personally grew up watching this take place in my household. I remember as a kid seeing my dad buy other people coffee, adopting families during Christmas, and always encouraging my sister and me to do likewise if we could. When I was a sophomore in high school, I remember riding with my dad to the gas station one day to get a soda and fill his tank up. There was a man there who had run out of gas and unfortunately didn’t have any money on him to get more gas. It seemed like he had been out there for a while, from the look of frustration and desperation on his face. He walked up to my dad and explained to him what had happened to his wallet; my dad replied, “Say no more, I will put ten dollars’ worth in for you.” This man’s face lit up with relief and hope. He expressed how thankful he was and how he had been dying to get home. That moment stuck with me even till this day.
Fast forward to nine years later when my wife and I had just bought our first house. We were new to the neighborhood and really didn’t know anybody. My daughter was playing out in the front yard while my wife was doing some gardening when a man with a wet shirt asked her if we had a gas canister. My wife came in and asked me if we had one. I told her no, and she asked me to go outside to talk to this gentleman. I could see why my wife would be alarmed, he looked unkempt, sloppy, and a bit unusual to say the least. He began telling me that he had lost his wallet and had run out of gas, et cetera et cetera et cetera. I didn’t believe his story enough to help him. He said thank you and continued walking to find help. As I began walking back into my house, my gut intuition started to speak to me, and reminded me of when my dad had helped out that guy at the gas station.
I went inside, grabbed my keys, got in my car, drove around the block, and told him to hop in. A part of me was thinking, “Kelvin, what in the hell are you doing? This man could be a serial killer.” But I had a good feeling about him after my intuition kicked in. I took him to the gas station, which was right around the corner; I went in and bought a gas canister to fill up with gas for him. As I was filling up the gas can, he began telling me how much he appreciated me having a change of heart. I said it was no problem and told him the story about my father. He said to me, “You learned by example to help others, that’s all right,” and he was right – I did learn from that example.
I gave him the canister and asked if he needed a ride to his car, he told me no, that it was right across the street. He gave me a side “man hug” and said thank you again. It was no problem for me to help him out. I had peace of mind knowing he was able to get where he needed to go. If he is ever confronted with the same dilemma one day, I’m sure he will help someone in need as well. That’s what paying it forward is all about; my dad did it, so I did it as well. It’s a chain reaction of positive energy that makes the world a much more loving place.
We all appreciate positive vibes, and doing nice things creates those vibes. Despite how people may react to you being nice, continue to have faith in humanity. You can’t worry about how someone will react when you’re being nice. That’s out of your control. I remember when I first visited New York City and I held the door open for someone, they said to me, “You think I can’t open the door for myself?” Instead of getting upset, I just smiled at him. See, we never know what kind of day people are having. They could be having the worst week ever, though that still does not excuse their actions. It’s never okay to be a jerk in any situation; always remain positive even when the other party isn’t.
A huge part of becoming your own man, especially a gentleman, is learning how to deal with negativity. One of the downfalls of being well-known on social media is that you often deal with “internet trolls”. Don’t know what they are? Let me explain. An internet troll is someone who usually spends much of their time on the internet behind a username saying rude, absurd, disgusting, and hateful things to other internet users. How we respond to them shows what kind of people we really are. If we attack back with the same hate and vengeance, then that defeats the purpose of us being role models. It’s when we either don’t respond or respond with care that it throws them off. They want you to get mad and fight fire with fire. I want you to think of yourself as water when fighting with fire, use the water to dilute the fire. Don’t let the negativity of others bring down your positivity, don’t let another person break you out of your composure. It’s important to remember this, because you could lose your reputation or respect from “blowing your top”, and no one wants that to happen to them.
In a world full of fuck boys, be a gentleman. Hold that door for the person behind you, buy a stranger some coffee just because it’s a beautiful day outside, pick up those keys someone dropped and hand them, and most importantly, forget those haters. You never know when you may need the favor returned – keep being positive, and when you least expect it, at the time when you’re in need, you will get that help of positive energy. It will rain on you like a summer day in Seattle (I don’t know if that’s an actual saying or not, but it sounds hella fresh). Day by day, if we continue to build each other up with love and random acts of kindness, we will make this world a more amazing place. Trust your gut, use water to fight fire, and keep your composure. Everything else will fall into place…trust me, I’m a living example.
11 Traits Every Modern Gentleman Should Have
1 1. Have a good sense of humor, laugh at things every once in a while. As the saying goes, sometimes you have to laugh to keep from crying. People love a good sense of humor and someone who can make light of a situation to take pressure off others. Be that comic relief for someone, we all need that.
2 2. Be open-minded and a constant learner. Don’t think you know everything, because chances are you will come across someone who knows more than you, and that’s okay. Instead of being intimidated by someone’s intelligence, just simply learn from them. Mental growth is all about having that continuous thirst for more knowledge; whether it be about women, art, science, or cars, we could all use a new lesson every now and then.
3 3. Punctuality and promptness are key when arriving somewhere important, like work, a date, or a dinner engagement. Always try and make
