Karl Pilkington is the author of seven books: The World of Karl Pilkington; Happyslapped by a Jellyfish; Karlology; An Idiot Abroad; The Further Adventures of An Idiot Abroad; The Moaning of Life and More Moaning. He was part of the Guinness World Record-breaking podcast The Ricky Gervais Show, which was downloaded over 300 million times and became an animation for HBO in the USA. He also starred in three series of Sky 1's global hit An Idiot Abroad and most recently, The Moaning of Life.
Also by Karl Pilkington
The World of Karl Pilkington
Happyslapped by a Jellyfish
Karlology: What I’ve Learnt So Far
The Further Adventures of An Idiot Abroad
The Moaning of Life: The Worldly Wisdom of Karl Pilkington
More Moaning: The Enlightened One Returns
First published in Great Britain in 2010 by Canongate Books Ltd,
14 High Street, Edinburgh EH1 1TE
canongate.co.uk
Copyright © Karl Pilkington, 2010
Introduction and Conversations copyright © Ricky Gervais and Stephen Merchant, 2010
Photography copyright © Rich Hardcastle, Freddie Clare and Ray Burmiston, 2010
Illustrations copyright © Dominic Trevett, 2010
The moral rights of the authors have been asserted
British Library Cataloguing-in-Publication Data
A catalogue record for this book is available
on request from the British Library
ISBN 978 1 84767 927 7
eISBN 978 0 85786 0 279
Chapter Two: Christ the Redemmer
‘He’s a real, genuine freak that we have often thought we would like to introduce to the world, like two Victorian showmen, like P.T. Barnum and his fat friend who are just saying, “Look, you must come and observe this wonder of the world!”’
Stephen
‘I mean, he is – I don’t know the politically correct term – a moron. A completely round, empty-headed, part-chimp Manc.’
Ricky
‘In many regards we’ve often described him – and it’s appropriate – as being like some kind of real-life Homer Simpson.’
Stephen
‘Yes.’
Ricky
‘Homer is arrogant and yet an idiot. Smallminded, petty. But at his core a good person.’
Stephen
‘And lovable. Absolutely lovable. He’s got child rights because he says the most awful things so naively and sweetly. Things like “Chinese people don’t age well ...” I go, ‘What?’ He goes “They don’t age well”’ He says, “You'll never see a thirty-five-year-old one.” I go, “What do you mean?” He went, “Well, they’re good-looking when they’re young but then they age overnight. They’re like a pear.” I mean, racism. Like, you know...’
Ricky
‘It’s not racist. It’s just ignorant.’
Stephen
‘It’s just ignorance, he thinks that. I went, “Well, some of the oldest people in the world are Chinese”. He went, “Are they though?” He thinks they might be lying. He thinks these old Chinese boys might be thirty-five but lying about their age ’cos they don’t age well. I mean, he’s an idiot. I mean, his theories, his outlook on life. He really would never go away if it wasn’t for his girlfriend.’
Ricky
‘He’d’ve been happier in medieval times in a village where you didn’t travel beyond the local community. That would’ve been fine for him.’
Stephen
‘Yeah, making up his own theories about the moon.’
Ricky
‘Terrified because he doesn’t know where it goes during the day.’
Stephen
‘Yeah, he’s quite remarkable. So I think we should broaden his outlook. And they say travel broadens the mind. So I just think it’d be amazing to send him round the world...’
Ricky
‘Well, yeah. I mean, he’s travelled, but it’s only been to places like Majorca. Somewhere safe, a little two-week package holiday.’
Stephen
‘If it wasn’t for his girlfriend, he wouldn’t do anything. His job at home is washing-up. He looks forward to that because that’s something he’s done. Often I call him and he says, “I’m washing-up” like it’s a big event. One day he’d started a diary and he did the washing-up and took his girlfriend’s shoes to the cobblers. Now I hadn’t heard the word “cobblers” in ages...’
Ricky
