McDaniel offers rich reflections into the myriad of issues facing women sex and love addicts. Confronting cultural stereotypes that keep women in their shame and providing a clear path of healing, she uses her warm and perceptive insight to help women unburden and break free from the insidious hold of addiction. Her identification of “mother hunger” as a driving force for women sex and love addicts is one of the many gems this book contains. Ready to Heal is sure to become a classic for women struggling with addiction.
—Kenneth M. Adams, Ph.D.,CSAT
Clinical Director of Kenneth M. Adams and Associates in suburban Detroit, Michigan and Life Healing in Santa Fe, New Mexico
Author of Silently Seduced: When Parents Make Their Children Partners and When He’s Married to Mom: How to Help Mother-Enmeshed Men Open Their Hearts to True Love and Commitment
Nobody understands and explains sex and love addiction in women like Kelly McDaniel. Ready to Heal integrates compelling examples with clinical brilliance, lighting a path to personal healing and healthy relationships. The chapter on “mother hunger” is an invaluable work in and of itself. Therapists like us as well as our clients will be utilizing this powerful resource for many, many years to come.
—Bill Bercaw, PsyD, CSAT, CST
& Ginger Bercaw, PsyD, CSAT, CST
Authors of The Couple’s Guide to Intimacy: How Sexual Reintegration Therapy Can Help your Relationship Heal
In a gentle and respectful manner, Kelly invites any woman to honor her authentic self rather than stay in the shame associated with behaviors that no longer work to relieve emotional pain. Not only can the reader learn ways to stop the addictive behavior, she can also discover how to rebuild a healthier life that respects the difficult journey on which many women have traveled.
—M. Deborah Corley, Ph.D.
Founder and co-owner of the Santé Center for Healing
Co-author of Disclosing Secrets: An Addict’s Guide for When, to Whom, and How Much to Reveal and Surviving Disclosure: A Partner’s Guide for Surviving Disclosure and the Trauma Associated with Addiction
Ready to Heal brings a welcoming freshness to the tender arena of women who struggle with addictive love and sexuality. Its affirming approach clearly describes a woman’s experience to find attachment and meaning, even when those quests take her down a painful path. Most importantly, Ready to Heal addresses the deep longing for maternal nurture and offers practical ways to heal the mother hunger that aches within.
—Marnie C. Ferree, M.A., LMFT, CSAT
Director of Bethesda Workshops, Nashville, TN
Author of No Stones: Women Redeemed from Sexual Addiction
Ready to Heal is a stunningly accurate account of what happens to a woman’s capacity for intimacy when early relational and childhood trauma are not repaired. It sets the pace for female sex, love, and relationship addicts who are ready to heal. A must read for traumatized women committed to restoring their sexual integrity, for those who love these women, and for therapists who treat this population.
—Alexandra Katehakis, MFT
Author of Erotic Intelligence: Igniting Hot, Healthy Sex While in Recovery from Sex Addiction
Finally someone has put her finger on the missing ingredient in sex and love addiction for women: the concept of “mother hunger”. McDaniel has captured both the problem and the solution for women who struggle with dysfunctional relationships. By following this book, readers will be able to break free from these addictions, stay free, and heal.
—Milton S. Magness, D. Min
Author of Stop Sex Addiction; Thirty Days to Hope & Freedom from Sex Addiction and Hope & Freedom for Sexual Addicts and Their Partners
This groundbreaking book is a blood transfusion for love junkies. For the first time, someone nailed “mother hunger” as the pulsing heart of love and sex addiction. By doing so, McDaniel provided me freedom from a lifetime of toxic relationships. Ready To Heal created a roadmap to recovery, studded with gently lit landmarks leading me home. Along the way, self-hatred morphed into compassion. This book taught me how to love myself.
—Rachel Resnick
Author of Love Junkie and Literary Alchemist at Writers On Fire (www.writersonfire.com)
Breaking Free of
Addictive Relationships
Kelly McDaniel
with Sarah Boggs
Gentle Path Press
P.O. Box 3172
Carefree, Arizona 85377 www.gentlepath.com
Copyright 2012 Kelly McDaniel,
All rights reserved.
Published in eBook format by Gentle Path Press
Converted by http://www.eBookIt.com
ISBN-13: 978-0-9850-6332-0
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be used or reproduced, stored or entered into a retrieval system, transmitted, photocopied, recorded, or otherwise reproduced in any form by any mechanical or electronic means, without the prior written permission of the author, and Gentle Path Press, except for brief quotations used in articles and reviews.
Third edition: 2012
For more information regarding our publications, please contact Gentle Path Press at 1-800-708-1796 (toll-free U.S. only)
Editor’s note: All the stories in this book are based on actual experiences. The names and details have been changed to protect the privacy of the people involved. In some cases, composites have been created.
INTRODUCTION
When love hurts, you may wonder about your choice of romantic partners or risky sexual behaviors. Perhaps, like many others, you’re experiencing the raw pain of an addictive relationship—the kind that’s painful to be in, yet seemingly impossible to leave. A profound sense of emptiness can result. Repeatedly, you may feel pain, anger, and confusion rather than what you truly desire: closeness, warmth, and security. You may feel broken. The more you search for the comfort of closeness and safety, the deeper you sink into the quicksand of
