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Select Episodes from the
Mr Farmhand Series
By the same author:
Fishing in the Devonian
XN
Select Episodes
from
The Mr Farmhand Series
by
Carol Jenkins
© Carol Jenkins 2015
This book is copyright. Apart from any fair dealing for the purposes of study and research, criticism, review or as otherwise permitted under the Copyright Act, no part may be reproduced by any process without written permission. Inquiries should be made to the publisher.
First published in 2015
Published by Puncher and Wattmann
PO Box 441
Glebe NSW 2037
http://www.puncherandwattmann.com
National Library of Australia
Cataloguing-in-Publication entry:
Jenkins, Carol
1958 -
Select Episodes from the Mister Farmhand Series
9781922186225 (ebook)
I. Title.
A821.3
Cover design by Eloise Jenkins
Digital distribution by Ebook Alchemy
eBook Created by Warren Broom
FOREWORD
From time to time curiosity provokes a friendly reader to ask me how I discovered the Farmhand community. I appreciate curiosity, it is a state of mind entirely underrated, but to say how I discovered the Farmhand community might imply that were lost, which they are likely to consider patronizing, and this is a state I prefer to avoid. That the Farmhand coterie tends towards the irascible, sails close to arson, spy on each other, are vain and self-aggrandizing and subject to crazy schemes, does not detract me from a great regard for their earnest inventiveness and readiness to take on the modern world. In short, they are great role models for folks everywhere.
This collection owes its genesis to a trip I made in 2011 to Lambertville, New Jersey where Ms Ingrid Periz introduced me to Mr Farmhand. Ms Periz has sometimes kindly sent me photos of both Mr Farmhand and Frank Winkler which appear in this collection and, to put it plainly, we’ve gossiped quite a bit about these folks, and sometimes speculated about their doings. That said the notes are all my own, as are the rest of the pictures, an admission which I hope does not bring any class action down upon me.
Carol Jenkins
MR FARMHAND
I was lucky enough to be introduced to a genuine New Jersey local, Mr Farmhand, who despite his diminutive size is game for any job. Here we see him shovelling his way through road snow in Flemington shopping centre car park outside of Shoprite. It seemed to me that given the metal and particulate content of this snow it might really be mining work that Mr Farmhand is busy with. You might wonder what is that mysterious blue rock? So did I.
MR FARMHAND STOPS FOR COFFEE AND A SFOGLIATELLE
Even Mr Farmhand is susceptible to the sfogliatelle at Rose’s Coffee Shop in Flemington, New Jersey.
MR FARMHAND AT WORK IN THE INSTANT POLENTA FIELDS
A thoroughly modern crop farmer, Mr Farmhand hoes into the mushroom and onion instant polenta. Organic too. The neighbouring packets of Earthbound will, no doubt, also need to be dug in by our undaunted worker.
MR FARMHAND PRUNES THE BAMBOO GROVE
Here Mr Farmhand shows really how adaptable he is, helping trim the high branches in the bamboo grove, while composing a haiku:
Not a breath of wind
stirs the high leaves
of the plastic bamboo
STALWART MR FARMHAND TENDS TO THE WEEKEND CHORES
Mr Farmhand is a thoroughly modern fellow who pitches in without kowtowing to any gender stereotypes. Here, despite the obvious tussle with mass and inertia, he prepares to set off to the supermarket. Perhaps he’s going in to check on his organic polenta crop?
MR BRASSICA AND A FAMILY HEIRLOOM
Mr Farmhand used to work for Mr Bart Brassica but that pitchfork Farmer Bart carries around all the time got on Mr Farmhand’s nerves. As you can see here, Mr Bart B. (aka as OneEyed Bart but don’t call him that to his face) likes to take an elevated position. Here he has scaled a ceramic sculpture, by Jennifer Orchard, that melds elements of the Brassica Family, which Farmer Bart considers a family heirloom. You can see Bart’s tomatoes staked up in the garden below.
FARMER BART BRASSICA’S FLORAL FIAT
While Farmer Bart B.’s favourite crop is brussel sprouts, which he always says are the highlight of European Epicurean Culture, from time to time he gets a little dizzy and plants what he calls ‘fancy daisies”. There is some talk around the neighbourhood that this surfeit of chrysanthemums is really a romantic ploy on Bart’s part, others say it’s because he gets $2 a bunch for them in his roadside stall. Bart will not tell a soul the secret of his giant blooms, not even Mavis Eggwhistle the local florist, who has asked twice.
BART BRASSICA AND THE MARY JANE
One
