The Marriage Manual
Biblical Instructions for Marriage
Michael P Clark
Copyright © 2012 Michael P Clark
No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form, or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise, without the prior consent of the publisher.
The Publisher makes no representations or warranties with respect to the accuracy or completeness of the contents of this book and specifically disclaim any implied warranties of merchantability or fitness for a particular purpose. Neither the publisher nor author shall be liable for any loss of profit or any commercial damages.
2012-11-06
Dedication
To the brave husbands and wives who submit themselves to the Lord and discover greater life together in Him. And to my wife Sue as we lift each other up to become the wife and husband God intends us to be in Christ.
Acknowledgments
Thanks to those who sat through sermons and seminars I gave on marriage and helped me hone the truths of the Bible for marriage through your responses and suggestions. Thanks to Judy Joy who edited the very rough first draft of this book. Thanks to all the engaged couples who read the drafts of this book and discussed it with me. Together we have come closer to understanding and implementing God’s design for marriage.
Forward
Why another book on marriage? Books about marriage abound, written from many perspectives. Many offer practical insights on improving marital communication, understanding personality types, and building inter-personal relationships. These are helpful in working on various components of marriage. But do people understand the basics of marriage? What is the point of working on certain facets of marriage if there is no foundation for a marriage to work upon? A contractor should build a house with a solid foundation. The house will not last if the contractor spends every moment building beautiful vaulted ceilings or bay windows while neglecting the foundation. There is a foundation to marriage that this book seeks to explain. This book answers basic questions about marriage so that other helps to marriage can build upon this solid foundation. Do you know the master blueprint for marriage? Do you know what the ideal of marriage is as God intended it? Do you know how wives and husbands work together in marriages toward that ideal? This book is a marriage manual to guide you to healthy marriage.
I write this book as a pastor of a church and as one who has discovered that the Bible is God’s manual for life and for marriages. Pastors have a perspective distinct from marriage counselors or seminary theologians, for pastors are theologians in the field. As pastors, we see marriage from the Biblical training we received in theological seminary and have developed over years of study and dialogue. We also see marriage from the various situations of the married couples that we deal with in churches. When we counsel couples engaged to be married, we teach the ideal of marriage and its basics so a couple can build a life together. We marry these couples, share their early bliss, and then help them in times of joy and sorrow. We share their joy in the births of their children. We labor to repair marriages that have begun to break down. We help pick up the pieces of broken marriages. We celebrate golden anniversaries and bury those who have lived in wedded bond for over 70 years. Because of this mix of practical experience with marriage and education in the teachings of the Bible, pastors can speak about the ideal of marriage and how couples can work to attain this ideal with Christ’s direction.
I do not have any intention to present a formula for a perfect marriage in this world. I don’t think that is ultimately why God gave us the institution of marriage. I believe marriage is another way that God prepares those who follow Him for full and eternal life. I do not claim any perfection as a husband. I am learning to work toward the ideal with the patient partnership of my wife Susan. We are learning to apply liberally this motto in our marriage, “We live by grace through faith in Jesus Christ.” We are working toward the ideal, because God calls us, and each spouse, to honor Him in our marriages, and because we benefit directly from this deeper intimacy in our marriage.
I do intend to present God’s ideal for marriage to encourage marriages in Christ. For those contemplating marriage, this book can help them discover the foundation of marriage to build upon in life-long commitment. For those currently married, this book can be a call to renewal, to check the foundation of their marriage and help keep it solidified. To those experiencing anguish in marriage, this book can help re-establish a solid foundation in marriage. If we understand more clearly where our marriages are ultimately headed, we can make great strides toward joyful intimacy and encourage others to follow Christ with us toward this goal. Or, as I pray with couples in the marriage ceremony after they have shared their marriage vows to each other, “May these holy promises heard this day in the presence and strength of Christ be fulfilled in your future. Amen.”
Two Are Better Than One
Ecclesiastes. 4:8-12
Biblical Images of Marriage Partnership
The character of the American frontier demanded a rugged individualism capable of overcoming whatever obstacle or difficulty appeared. With few others to rely on, and major centers of population hundreds of miles away, the frontier family had to make do with whatever was at hand to solve their problems.
My grandfather enthralled me with tales of his frontier parents. My great-grandfather William Clark scouted for the army with Kit Carson and other rugged frontiersmen. Deep in the wilderness by himself, he had to outlast a fierce blizzard. With a cold wind blowing the deepening drifts around him, he forced his horse to lie down on the ground. Using the horse as a windbreak, he wrapped his blanket over them both and nestled in next to the horse for warmth to endure the storm.
Hungry on one of many long trips, he first went to a riverbank and built a huge bonfire with a ring of large stones surrounding it. Then he dug a pit. Leaving the riverbank and the blazing fire, he went to find game. Shooting a deer, he brought it back to the riverbank. By then the fire had simmered down to coals and hot rocks. After skinning and preparing the deer meat, he wrapped the cuts of venison in mud. Then he placed the mud patties in the pit surrounding them with the coals and hot rocks, and filled the pit up with dirt. He left for several hours as the meat roasted in this natural Dutch oven. Coming back he dug up the meat, knocked off the dried mud, and had a delicious venison feast.
Meanwhile, back at the homestead, my great-grandmother was with her young boys. The homestead consisted of a sod roof and three sides dug out of an embankment in the Oklahoma hills. Buffalo skins hung on the front side to act as door and fourth wall. With her husband out scouting, she had to fend for herself, even when her family was threatened. A stranger intending harm barged in through the entrance of buffalo hides. With frontier resolve, she reached for a shotgun and dispatched the attacker. What else could she do to protect her family?
This rugged individualism was necessary on the frontier. Its legacy can be found in our modern American drive to succeed and be the best. Reared on stories of heroes and heroines like Davy Crockett, Daniel Boone, Abraham Lincoln, Henry Ford, Amelia Earhart, and Franklin D. Roosevelt, American children were taught to be strong, not cry, and become number one. How they succeeded seemed to take a back seat to just succeeding. Get tough, get going, and, if need be, rise to the top on sheer will power.
But
