ection>
The Epitome of Perfection
The Step-by-Step Guide to Being a Great Human Being
Ryan Reynolds
Copyright © 2013 Ryan Reynolds
No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form, or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise, without the prior consent of the publisher.
The Publisher makes no representations or warranties with respect to the accuracy or completeness of the contents of this book and specifically disclaim any implied warranties of merchantability or fitness for a particular purpose. Neither the publisher nor author shall be liable for any loss of profit or any commercial damages.
2013-04-23
Dedication
Dedicated to the world, I give you this holy book, a gift from greatness to humble your life.
Acknowledgments
A lot of my inspiration and motivation comes from Chael Sonnen, Dwayne Johnson, Neil deGrasse Tyson and George Lopez.
Declan Ponsenby is the first person from online whom I met in person.
I love Lamp.
Mark ‘Fatman’ Brown is the bringer of cake.
If you were not mentioned before this statement and feel that you should have been, I really hope that you take it to heart, as it will warm mine.
Foreword
Being as awesome as I am, you can imagine how many requests I get from people asking me how they can mould themselves more in my likeness. Well, to those people that beg me, day after day, night after night, hour after hour for my input into their weakly worded questions. You are in luck. As what you are reading at this very moment in time, is soon sure to become your new device of worship.
So before you read on any further, into my mesmerizing greatness. Take a moment or two, to just say your final parting words to your old holy book. In most cases, that book will either be ‘The Holy Bible’ or a shady adult magazine which you shamelessly bought from some deluded corner store. Either way, take one last look at that monstrosity and throw it in the fire, in-fact, you know what. Your fire is too god damn good for that book of yours. Instead, I want you to wrap in up in some aluminium foil, put it in an old back pack, piss all over it, and then mail it to your local Chinese restaurant.
Done that? Good, now you just need to gather up a few items, and we shall be set to begin your journey, into the epiphany of perfection.
The items you will need to gather up are as follows:
A pen, to make notes and record you personal reflections when I exceed your mental capabilities and you are left drooling over my words. No pencils. Do you see me printing my books in a medium that can later be erased? No. My word is definite, and so should all of your thoughts about me while reading my scintillating proclamation.
A note pad, a single piece of paper is not enough to fit all of my greatness onto.
Your favourite picture of me, to remind you of what you wish to, and in time, will become. Also to put pressure upon you, you wouldn’t want to disappoint your hero now, would you? And no, before you ask, the book jacket doesn’t count. If you cut up, mangle, or even remove the jacket from this book, I will consider that vandalism of my personal property. Now you have deeply insulted the savior that you want to be just like. Self-hater. If you bought the paperback and thus don’t have a book jacket, I hope that it is because they were all of of all others. Even poverty is no reason to by the paperback. You could have traded in the last of your food, at least then you could die with some intelligent words in your head.
A dictionary, I use many big words and some of my language may be difficult for some of you peons to comprehend. This is because your education system has failed you.
A box of tissues, in-case you make a mess while fantasizing about my greatness.
A bottle of water, to keep you hydrated as your mind gets exhausted reading my exhilarating words.
Some light snacks such as pretzels or bread sticks, just something along those lines - in-case you get hungry, DUH!
A lemur on a unicycle juggling 3 flaming batons, this one is just for my amusement, so render unto Ryan, what is Ryan’s.
Okay, got all of those? Now you are ready to begin your quest of becoming more like yours truly.
Initial Reactions
When I first announced that I was in the process of writing and publishing this great book which you are currently reading, I received a lot of mixed responses…
“I still can’t believe you weren’t joking about this.” - Declan Ponsenby.
“I honestly think it’s a bright and inspiring thing that you do this. I think it’s also a good way for young adults who feel the need to allow themselves to feel young spirited again. And plus, you’re fuckin’ hilarious!” - Evy Kindhearted.
“Her name was Lola, she was a show girl.” - Lisa Woodman.
“Is he seriously doing this? Yes he is…” - Kurtis Loveless.
“I thought it was brilliant to be honest. You’re a bit nutty so only two things could have come out of it and what I have heard has been good. And to be honest, that story about the turkey… I was very intrigued to see what happened!” - “Caitlyn.”.
“When I found out Ryan was writing a book, I thought he was kidding…” - Mike “Speckled”.
“I wasn’t bothered.” - Mark “Fatman” Brown.
”I didn’t really get why…” - Havard Birkeland.
“I wonder if it will interest me?” - Sage”Of Thunder”.
“Ok.” - Robert Howie.
“Can I eat it? What’s for dinner?” - Andrew Watson.
All about… YOU!
Before I explain about myself, or introduce you to any of my life or ideas. You must first learn about who you, truly are, and once you realise that, you will then realise why this book is so important to your life and what it shall help you accomplish.
You
