I am a lesbian and very proud of whom I am but if you don’t like Gay people then I suggest you go read something else, however; I would like you to read on regardless of your fear of the unknown.
Just because I am gay I shouldn’t be judged in anyway; On the contrary; I should be rewarded with a medal with what I’ve been through.
The judgement and criticism from fucked up ignorant people nearly broke me but I rose above all their shit and I feel sorry for those who are not as strong as I.
Let’s face it, there is no denying Gay people are everywhere but just because our sexual preference is same sex; we are classed as either dirty or disgusting, or sickos for that matter. How many people out there of whom you know or even love suspect they are Gay but they can’t come out due to being ridiculed?
How many of them have committed or contemplated suicide because they felt the world and those close to them wouldn’t or couldn’t accept them? This is so very sad. Not one should be made to feel this way because of someone’s fucked up insecurities and beliefs.
As far as I was concerned, I wanted to love someone just like everyone else, regardless whether it was the same sex. It’s what was in my heart and I wasn’t going to let anyone stop me, even though some tried. Iheld my head high and I walked tall, it was my wall and I did what I wanted, behind it!
To begin with this book will take you back through my personal struggles I had as a child which was being molested three times by three different men and the violence I witnessed and then experienced first-hand as I got older. This certainly played a big part in my life and caused chaos in every relationship I had in the past thirty years. If you thrive on craziness, laughter, frustration, sadness, love and betrayal then this is the book for you. I did however shed many tears writing this book but I also laughed at my own stupidity.
I hope you enjoy my story and God bless.
Review
This book is a frank and honest account of one woman’s foray in and out of love and her determination to get to the truth, no matter what.
You will laugh at the author’s antics, you may shed a tear, and you may think she’s crazy, stupid or both! Either way, you can’t fail to notice how gutsy she is to do the things she does in this book…as gutsy as she is to tell you about them. There’s a little bit of Shelley in all of us I think.
I didn’t want the book to end.
Introduction
I began writing this book seventeen years ago, after the collapse of a fourteen year relationship with a woman I loved dearly. The exercise has been a heartfelt and painful process, which often resulted in the need to stop writing. It was only four years ago, I realised I needed to complete this book in order to have closure on the past, both for what I’d experienced as well as how I had treated others. As you will no doubt discover, there’s been a lot of dysfunction in my life. I put a lot of this down to three traumatic childhood experiences at the hands of people who were close to both me and my family at the time.
I have not disclosed this information publicly prior to this or my relationship to those involved as it would have destroy many people’s lives. I have always been disturbed by others’ judgements of me and this would have hindered me in that I always felt I could never live life the way I wanted to. Over time and with increased life experience, I have come to trust myself and my own thoughts and feelings. This book has been cathartic in assisting me to reach this point.
Being in and out of relationships, my only question was, would I ever find someone who would truly love me? For those who are new to love or still seeking the answer to love, perhaps you can restate the question as this: What can I do/who can I be to truly love myself enough? These events all took place up to 2009 and it got worse after that. My next book Did I break a mirror (through my eyes) will cover the next nine years up until now.
I hope you find my story and my misadventures, entertaining! Sit back, grab a cuppa and enjoy!
About me
Name, Shelley Anne Dewar, born 1stMarch, 1963 at King Edward Memorial Hospital, in Perth, Western Australia. I was a cute little thing like most babies I suppose and today I stand at 5”3 with a slim petite figure, shoulder length blondish hair, olive complexion and not too bad looking if I must say so myself with brown greenish eyes, depending on my mood.
I am a strong willed person with strong values and because of these, I have been known to say inappropriate truths at times which can hurt a person’s feelings and they then think I am a bitch but in fact I’m just trying to help them. One thing that does annoy me though is if ever I get passionate about something and for those that don’t know me, it’s often mistaken for anger and then I’m classed as a crazy lunatic but to be honest, I don’t really care much because my heart is always in the right place. I am very sensitive to a person’s needs and I will help you in any way I can if you are willing to help yourself and if you’re not, my patience runs thin because I’m not into time wasters and lazy people. I have always been a very hard worker in everything I do and that is how I have gotten where I am today.
Ok let’s get on with it shall we?
Ever since I can remember I have had gay tendencies. Going through my teens was a nightmare and even into my twenties and thirties, I still struggled immensely with these thoughts and feelings. I often wondered whether I was normal and if I was the only one who ever thought or felt like this and I dared not to tell anyone. I couldn’t! What would they think of me? The criticism I feared was overwhelming so I had to keep these thoughts to myself which meant I was in a very lonely place and I know there are still many others out there who feel the same way even today, regardless of whether we are in the twenty first century or not. Despite this, I began realising I couldn’t keep living the way I was in fear of being rejected so I took a stand and thought, “It’s my life, stuff you all” and it changed after that. At twenty- one I became involved with a woman and our relationship lasted for fourteen years. God knows how with the many ups and downs we had. After that, I had another three long term relationships which nearly drove me insane and I will not deny, it turned me into being an alcoholic. It was mostly because of the provoking by them that brought out the worst in me; the insecurities, the betrayal, violence and the many other things I encountered along the way. I would like to take you on my journey through these destructive relationships and my life in general and how I managed to get to where I am today but first I want to try and explain to the best of my knowledge about sexual preference before we begin on my journey. I hope you enjoy my story.
Why do I think we are gay?
Through a fair amount of research, I have heard many opinions on this with heterosexuals thinking we just turn this way but a homosexual knows they are born this way and have no choice, so why the difference of opinion? In my opinion, it’s pretty straight forward we are born like this because I personally have tried to be with the opposite sex many times but it just does nothing for me so I find heterosexual’s to be ignorant in their way of thinking. For instance, I have known of people who have gotten married, had kids and this is a completely different lifestyle to what they want or desire but to them, they are accepted as being normal but eventually one’s true feelings take over and they can’t keep denying how they feel any longer so they have to follow their heart and eventually leave which a lot of the times ends up destroying families, but it’s being true to who they are. So if you know anyone who has gone through this
