ten o’clock!”
“Looks like you are.”
“That’s ridiculous!” She shook her head. “This is so wrong, so very wrong.”
“It’s the hand we’ve been dealt and we will just have to manage. With practice I’m guessing that you can shorten the forty-five minutes dressing time and once you get adjusted to your new bedtime we can probably reduce the time necessary to get you up in the morning, maybe even speed up breakfast a bit. We might be able to shave a good half hour off your morning routine if you cooperate.”
She reached out and clutched his arm. “Rich, this is crazy! I can’t do this!”
“I’ll tell you what is crazy. Losing my job, the job I love, the job I planned to grow old in, because some chit can’t get out of bed in the morning because she can’t go to bed at night at a reasonable hour! Speaking of which,” he glanced at his watch, “you need to be in bed in two hours and I suspect that you haven’t gone downstairs to look through the information I left you, have you?”
“No, I haven’t. But cut me some slack, Rich, I’ve been setting up my rooms. I haven’t had a chance!”
“You need to get better at planning your time and ordering your priorities. You have five years to get settled in your rooms, but you have to teach four classes you are unfamiliar with first thing tomorrow morning.”
She sighed, “You’re right. I could have planned better. But I do have one thing to say in my defense.”
“What’s that?”
“I don’t know this building. Yes, you showed me where my office is, demonstrated the elevator and gave me my keys, but I don’t know anything else. Important things like are there any little steps or places where the floor is uneven that I might trip over in the dark, because I don’t even know where the light switches are.”
He nodded. “Okay, you get off this time, you have a valid reason for not going down to your office on your own. But I wasn’t gone getting the pizza the whole two hours that you were working on your rooms. I would have gone down with you and showed you where the light switches were if you had asked me.”
She compressed her lips, sucking the lower one into her mouth and nibbling it before releasing it out again with a pop. “Okay, I admit it, I suck at prioritizing, not always so great at planning, either.”
“I’m going to have to watch you on that, too, aren’t I?”
“I did make three lists while I was getting settled in my rooms, though. That’s exceptionally good for me.”
He raised an eyebrow. “Three lists, huh? Three whole lists.” She turned her shoulder towards him and crossed her arms. “Okay, don’t freeze me out. I’m sorry. What three lists did you make?”
“The renovations I want to be done. The things I need my family to ship up to me. And the things I need to buy. Where is the nearest mall?”
“Hmm.” He scrunched up his face in thought. “I’d say, it’s probably Clinton, that’s about ninety minutes southeast of here.”
“What! How about a department store? I don’t need a whole mall, just a good department store.”
He grinned, knowing that his answer would upset her. “Well, outside of the mall, the only department stores you are going to find are Walmart and Kmart. There’s a Walmart about ten minutes from here.”
Her eyes widened. “No way!”
He nodded seriously. “Yes, way. I know! The Kmart is a good half hour further away. Who would have thought that we would be so lucky to have a Walmart so close? I’ll tell you everyone was pretty excited when they announced plans to build here. Gave a lot of people jobs, too.”
She slapped his arm. “I didn’t mean ‘no way’ in a good way!” And then she saw the twinkle in his eyes and huffed, “Okay, you got me! Where do people go to buy nice things?”
“First, I need to make something clear. Hitting is not respectful. No hitting.”
“Seriously? I was just being playful.”
“I told you I was old fashioned. Hitting isn’t being playful, it’s rude.”
She shoved against his shoulder and rocked him, “Come on! Oh wait, I get it! You’re teasing me again!”
He shook his head. “At the risk of further battery, no, I am not teasing or joking. Aggressive contact is rude and I will not allow it.”
“Won’t allow it! What are you, the politeness police?”
“It appears that I may have to add that role to my other mentoring duties. I expect all members of this History Department to conduct themselves with respectable and respectful manners at all times. And if I have to teach you good manners I will.”
“Oh, yeah?” She jutted out her jaw and gave him a menacing look.
He sighed, “That expression is most unbecoming, my dear, try to avoid it, please.”
She smirked, “Which expression? My words or my face?”
“I actually meant your face, but your words are equally offensive, or to be clear, the manner in which you uttered them is offensive.”
“Well, good. That’s what that whole package, words and face, is meant to convey.”
“So, that would be an excellent example of brattiness, wouldn’t it?” She nodded, pleased with herself. “Do you recall what I said brats deserve?” Her eyes took on a look of uncertainty and she hesitated before shaking her head. “Oh Audrey, I do believe you are lying to me. But I will let it pass, this time only, because I am about to spell everything out to you and make certain that we have a crystal clear understanding here. Brats deserve to be spanked until they learn their manners. Lying is very offensive and will be met with an even sterner response.” He nodded at her outraged gasp. “Yes. I am telling you that I intend to spank you when you are bratty or rude or disrespectful. That spanking will be on your bare bottom, just to be absolutely clear. I will take my belt to you for lying. And yes, that will be bare bottomed as well. In fact, I expect that all your punishments will be bare bottomed, even if it’s just standing in the corner.”
She paled, and had difficulty swallowing, finally achieving a big gulp. “You’re serious, aren’t you?”
“Yes. I am.”
“This is not happening!”
“Yes, Alice, it is. Your world just turned into Wonderland, a place where strange things you aren’t expecting may occur at any time.”
“But… But, Rich… But I… You…” She shook her head. “This can’t be real. Please tell me that this is a practical joke you pull on all the new faculty members!”
“I’m sorry, Audrey. This is not a joke. I have certain standards, my History Department has certain standards, Wheatleigh has certain standards and it is my responsibility to see that you meet them. I lose my job if you don’t. So I will depend on the old fashioned tried and true methods of making
