just surprised, that’s all.’ He summoned a smile but Holly could tell how shocked he was. ‘I never imagined you’d leave London. You used to say that you hated the thought of leaving the bright city lights.’
‘Did I?’ She shrugged. ‘I don’t remember so I’ll have to take your word for it.’
She looked round when someone banged on the table and called for order. She certainly didn’t intend to admit that the reason why she’d left London had been because it had held too many memories. She and Ben had spent a lot of time exploring the city together and it had been too painful to be constantly reminded about the good times they’d had. It had been one of the reasons why she’d been so keen to take this job, in fact, because moving to Lancashire had meant a completely fresh start. How ironic that Ben should have turned up in Dalverston as well.
Holly pushed that thought out of her mind as Sean Fitzgerald, the head of Trauma Care, began his welcoming speech. He briefly outlined the set-up to make sure that everyone understood what their roles would be. The front-line team consisted of four specialist registrars and four highly trained paramedics. They would be on call to deal with any major accidents that occurred in their catchment area. Once the casualties were brought back to the hospital they would be handed over to the resus team, who were all experts in the field of trauma care. It was an exciting new venture and it was obvious that Sean was as keen to make a success of it as they all were.
‘So that’s it, boys and girls. I know the training has been tough and that some of you must have wondered at times what you were letting yourselves in for.’ Sean grinned when a chorus of agreements greeted that remark. He held up his hand and waited until everyone was silent again.
‘The work you’ll be called upon to do won’t be easy and you’ll be expected to give one hundred and ten per cent effort. However, every single one of you has been chosen specifically for your strengths. You lot are the cream of the crop and I know that together we can make this service something really special.’
Everyone applauded loudly before the meeting broke up. There was an emergency unit to run and time was at a premium. Holly went to fetch her bag, pausing when Sean came over to speak to her. He had Ben with him and she quickly adopted a suitably neutral expression.
‘I’d like you to take Ben under your wing, please, Holly. I’ve managed to fill him in on the basics but there hasn’t been time to give him the full course of training you had.’ Sean turned to Ben. ‘Maybe you two could get together and swot up on any areas you’re concerned about. Holly was our star pupil and I’m sure she’ll be able to bring you up to speed.’
‘That would be great, so long as Holly doesn’t mind, of course,’ Ben said quietly, but Holly could hear the reservation in his voice even if Sean had missed it.
Her mouth compressed as she picked up her bulging tote bag. Did Ben hate the thought of having her act as his tutor because he felt guilty about what he’d done two years ago? Or was she kidding herself by thinking that he cared a jot?
Probably the latter, she decided, tucking the bag under her arm. If Ben had possessed even an ounce of decency then he would never have treated her the way he had.
‘Holly?’
She looked up when she realised that Sean was waiting for her to confirm that she was happy about his suggestion. Even though helping Ben was the last thing she felt like doing, she couldn’t admit that. It had been drummed into them during the training sessions that they were all part of a team and that it was only by working as a team that they would make a success of this venture. How could she blot her copy book at such an early stage by refusing to help a colleague?
‘I’ll be pleased to help any way I can,’ she said with a sweet smile that didn’t fool Ben for a second if his expression was anything to go by. Thankfully, Sean seemed oblivious to the undercurrents as he beamed at them both.
‘Great! That’s a weight off my mind. Having to find a last-minute replacement has been a real headache. I had some sleepless nights until I heard that Ben was interested in the job.’ He clapped the younger man on the shoulder. ‘I know you’ve had it rough in the last few years but let’s hope this is a turning point for you. We need doctors of your calibre.’
Holly frowned. She had no idea what Sean had meant about Ben having had a rough time. She looked enquiringly at him when Sean moved away. ‘That sounded intriguing. What’s been happening to you of late, then?’
‘Oh, nothing very interesting.’ Ben briskly changed the subject. ‘Look, Holly, I know how…well…awkward this must be for you….’
‘Awkward?’ She felt herself bridling and glared at him, unable to believe the arrogance of that statement. ‘Why should I feel the least bit awkward?’
‘Because we didn’t exactly part on the best of terms, if you recall.’ His expression darkened as he returned her look with one which held more than a hint of challenge. ‘You aren’t going to pretend that you’ve forgotten what happened, I hope. That’s nonsense, as well you know.’
‘Of course I haven’t forgotten!’ She laughed scornfully, enjoying the fact that he seemed so rattled. Good! He deserved his comeuppance after the appalling way he’d treated her. ‘What you did to me, Ben, was such a rotten, low-down thing to do to anyone that there’s no way I’ll ever forget it.’
‘I know how it must have seemed,’ he began, but she carried on, cutting off his apology if, indeed, an apology was what he’d intended.
‘But in a way I’m grateful to you for what you did.’
‘Grateful?’
The surprise in his voice was like balm to her soul and went a long way towards making up for all those nights she’d spent, sobbing into her pillow. She smiled at him, seeing the shock that had turned his blue eyes the colour of a stormy sky. Ben had always been sinfully handsome and she, like so many women, had fallen for his dark good looks. However, she felt nothing when she looked at him now, she assured herself, not even a flicker of interest. She was well and truly over him and her heart was once more whole again even if there were scars on it.
‘Yes. You taught me a valuable lesson, Ben, made me see how stupid it is to rely on anyone else for your happiness. You have to take charge of your life and do what you want.’ She shrugged. ‘That’s why I’m grateful to you because I’ll never make the same mistake again. I’m my own woman now, Ben, not someone’s girlfriend or lover. And d’you know what? It feels good to be me!’
Ben wished he could believe that but there was no way he could ignore the underlying pain in Holly’s voice. It was proof of how much he’d hurt her two years ago and there was no way he could make amends for what he’d done. He couldn’t tell her the truth, couldn’t admit that there had been no other woman, because it would lead to questions he wasn’t prepared to answer.
Finding out two years ago that he had cancer of the colon had rocked his whole world. All he’d been able to think about had been that he mustn’t let it affect Holly in any way. He’d seen the devastating effects that dealing with serious illness could have and had sworn he wouldn’t put Holly through that ordeal. She’d been just starting out on her career with her whole future ahead of her and it wouldn’t have been fair to burden her with his problems. So he’d made the decision not to tell her and had made up some story about meeting someone else.
Lying to her had been the hardest thing he’d ever done but it had been the right decision. Holly had been able to get on with her
