his face and saw no signs that he knew about her past with Matt. He would be hurt and disgusted with her if he knew. It was sickening to think about the two men together. For different reasons, she hadn’t been good enough for either of them, and the thought of them discussing that fact was like a hot poker ripping through her chest. They had both been witness to her greatest inadequacies and she would rather die than have either man share their “Kate Spence” story.
“It’s okay, Katherine. I told him the truth. That you are a professional, competent surgeon and that nothing in your actions that night was negligent. He knew about us, though, and was asking the details of our relationship and breakup.”
She went from panic, to relief, to anger, to fear within seconds. Matt had no right to ask about her relationship with Tate. He really had no right to ask Tate about her at all. What questions would he have for her? “What did you tell him?” She gulped.
“As much of the truth as he needed to know, while protecting both of our personal lives and reputations.” She didn’t need to know more. Tate would keep the personal details of their breakup to himself, for his own sake as much as hers.
“Thank you.”
He stared at her, his thoughts hidden as he looked at her for an unknown answer. “Goodnight, Katherine. If it’s okay by you I think I’m going to use Kate from here on in, like everyone else.”
She smiled a little sadly. “I’m just happy you are planning to talk to me.”
“Good night, Kate.” The conversation was definitely over and Tate walked away. She wondered what had changed for him, but honestly didn’t care what the impetus had been for what felt like the forgiveness she didn’t deserve.
She walked through the halls of the hospital lost in her thoughts. The overhead fluorescent lights reflected off the linoleum floors as she made her way towards the glass-walled lobby. Her head felt as full as her body felt exhausted. She was grateful that she had put Matt off, even if it was only for a day. She paused at the entryway, threading her arms through the sleeves of her black wool jacket and slowly working the buttons closed to protect her from what appeared to be a cold spring night.
“Kate.” In what felt like slow motion she turned towards the voice she recognized. Matt was walking towards her. He was dressed in a dark gray suit with a blue tie that matched his eyes perfectly. She felt her breath catch and a flush spread through her, her body recognizing his with appreciation. She reached up and ran her fingers through her hair, trying to tame the mess that had been tied back and stuffed under an operating-room cap all day, then stopped, catching herself in the action. It didn’t matter to Matt how she looked and she no longer cared what he thought, she reminded herself.
“Matt.” She forced his name out.
“We need to talk.”
He looked agitated. If you didn’t know him you wouldn’t be able to tell, but she had known him well and recognized the subtle force in his voice and his rigid posture.
“Yes, I believe we have a meeting for tomorrow at two.” She didn’t have the energy to play this game. Whatever Matt had come to say to her tonight, he needed to say it and let her go home.
“I met with Tate Reed today.” The statement reminded her of old legal dramas where the prosecutor baited his witness into revealing information without even asking a question.
“Yes, I know. I already talked to Tate. It appears he has already answered many of your questions about the circumstances behind the lawsuit, and other than that we have nothing to talk about.” She tried to sound like her professional, confident self and force out the exhaustion and pain that made her feel unprepared to deal with Matt. He needed to know her boundaries and now was as good a time as any to make it clear what was off-limits for discussion. He didn’t seem pleased with her answer.
“I don’t care about Tate Reed,” Matt said. Now he was definitely angry. Part of her told herself to walk away, that she wouldn’t win, not against Matt and not when she was this tired. Unfortunately, the same exhaustion allowed her emotions to take over.
“You seemed to care the other night. You also seemed to care enough when you talked to Tate and asked him questions that are none of your business,” she responded, matching his anger in her tone.
“Like it or not, Kate, you are my business.” Mistake. She had made a critical mistake in challenging him. Now they were on a path she didn’t want to be on. She didn’t want to talk about them, about their past, yet couldn’t hold back her reaction to his statement or the look in his eyes. He was looking at her with passion and the irony made her want to cry.
“It has never mattered what I thought or felt, has it?” She was done with being professional as she felt her personal pain seep through. She met his look and saw that she had wounded him, and it didn’t make her feel any better.
“That’s not true, Kate.” His hands were jammed in his pockets, his shoulders pulled back, his whole stance masculine and set.
She looked at Matt and briefly remembered the girl she had been and the man she had thought he was. For the second time that night she smiled sadly then regained control of the woman she had become. “I’m not going to do this, Matt.”
“Do what?” he asked, but she kept talking.
“I’m not going to talk about the past. It happened a long time ago and it doesn’t matter, I’ve moved on with my life, without you.”
“I don’t believe you.” And then he reached out and took her hand in his and held it hard. The touch was electric. Warmth spread through her whole body and she felt her heart start to race. She stared for a long time at his face, meshing in her mind the two versions of him. Old Matt and this Matt.
“Believe what you want, it doesn’t matter to me,” she sighed, pushing away the memories that statement brought forward. “Please, let go of my hand, I’m tired and I want to go home.” He didn’t look like he was going to let go, he just kept staring at her as if she was a puzzle he could figure out. “Please, Matt.”
He released her hand. “I’m parked out front. I’ll drive you home.”
“No, thank you.” She’d had about all the quality Matt time that she could handle and would rather walk the entire length of Boston than risk spending more time with him.
“Kate, if you don’t want a scene, just get in the car and let me drive you home.” It was a statement more than a threat, but coming from Matt it got her attention.
This was not the Matt she had known. She had never seen Matt lose control. He had always been calm and in control of everything, but not now. One look at his face told her to listen. His eyes were boring into her, his jaw was clenched, and she saw the small tremor that seemed to be traveling through his body. She looked around the lobby, the fluorescent lights creating an unnatural contrast to the darkness that seeped in through the glass wall from the outside. The atrium was still well populated with hospital staff, sufficient that if a scene did occur, she would be back as the number-one topic for the hospital gossips. That, combined with the look on Matt’s face, that said he just might do it, and her overwhelming fatigue forced her to give in. “Okay.”
She had lost the fight, and her resignation kept her from pulling away when he placed his hand on the small of her back and led her out the hospital’s front entrance. His hand spanned almost the entire width of her back. Even through her coat and sweater
