even when all is good with our health. Adding the uncertainty of the possible paths of a medical problem can easily cause any normal person to feel overwhelmed. If you work for an employer, they may offer sick days and/or personal days.Currently, there are no federal legal requirements for paid sick leave except for temporary COVID-19 paid leave law. More than a dozen states mandate some sick pay beyond temporary COVID-19 requirements. At the federal level, the Family and Medical Leave Act (FMLA) allows for up to 12 weeks of unpaid sick leave for either the employee or a member of their immediate family for particular medical conditions. “Employees are eligible to take FMLA leave if they have worked for their employer for at least 12 months and have worked for at least 1,250 hours over the previous 12 months, and work at a location where at least 50 employees are employed by the employer within 75 miles,” according to the U.S. Department of Labor. For more on these and other safety nets, please see Chapter 4.
Enlist and embrace support. It can be difficult to be objective and calm when your health is on the line. Having a spouse, relative, or other close friend assist you with your research and serve as a sounding board for decisions can be useful and calming. When it’s your health problem, dealing with important medical decisions can feel isolating and lonely, so finding a trusted person willing and able to share some of the burden and thinking can be invaluable. Just be sure that the person you’re trusting will keep your information and situation confidential and that they understand what you’re hoping to get from their involvement.
Seek second opinions and do some research. There is rarely just one clear-cut course of action to deal with a particular medical problem. Be sure you ask any medical provider what treatment options exist for your problem and their opinion of the pros and cons of each. Doctors are often rushed and may make you feel that you can’t ask a lot of questions. If necessary, schedule another office visit or ask a time-constrained doctor when you can follow up with them by phone. Recognize that medical providers have conflicts of interest, make mistakes, and have imperfections.You should also do some of your own research, but please understand the dangers of unvetted things you may read online that any person with a computer can choose to publish on a website. Check and vet your sources!
Caring for elderly parents unexpectedly
As your parents age, they may need help with a variety of issues and living tasks. An illness or accident such as a fall can be a triggering event. Although you probably won’t have the time or ability to perform all the help your parent(s) may need, you may end up coordinating some service providers who will. Here are key issues to consider when unexpectedly needing to care for aging parents:
Get involved in their healthcare. Your aging parents may already have a lot on their minds, or they simply may not be able to coordinate and manage all the healthcare providers who are giving them medications and advice. Try, as best as you can, to be their advocate. Speak with their primary care doctor so you can understand their current medical condition, the need for various medications, and how to help coordinate caregivers. Visit home-care providers and nursing homes and speak with prospective care providers.
Get help where possible. In most communities, a variety of nonprofit organizations offer information and counseling to families who are caring for elderly parents. Numerous for-profit agencies can help with everything from simple cleaning and cooking to health checks and medication monitoring, to assisted living and health advocacy. You may be able to find your way to such resources through your state’s department of insurance, as well as through recommendations from local senior centers, doctors, and other medical providers. You’ll especially want to get assistance and information if your parents need some sort of home care, nursing home care, or assisted living arrangement.
Take some time off. Caring for an aging parent, particularly one who is having health problems, can be time-consuming and emotionally draining. Do your parents and yourself a favor by using some personal or vacation time to help get things in order. Also be sure to take care of yourself and give yourself some needed downtime and a real vacation from your obligations.
Understand tax breaks. If you’re financially supporting your parents, you may be eligible for a number of tax credits and deductions for elder care. Some employers’ flexible benefit plans allow you to put away money on a pretax basis to pay for the care of your parents. Also explore the dependent care tax credit, which you can take on your federal income tax Form 1040. And if you provide half or more of the support costs for your parents, you may be able to claim them as dependents on your tax return.
Discuss getting the estate in order. Parents don’t like thinking about their demise, and they may feel awkward discussing this issue with their adult children. But opening a dialogue between you and your folks about such issues can be healthy in many ways. Not only does discussing wills, living wills, power of attorney, living trusts, and estate planning strategies make you aware of your folks’ situation, but it can also improve their plans to both their benefit and yours.
Splitting from your spouse
In most marriages that are destined to split up, both parties usually recognize early warning signs. Sometimes, however, one spouse may surprise the other with an unexpected request for divorce. Whether the divorce is planned or unexpected, here are some important considerations regarding divorce:
Question the divorce. Some say that divorcing in America is too easy, and I tend to agree. Although some couples are indeed better off parting ways, others give up too easily, thinking that the grass is greener elsewhere, only to later discover that all lawns have weeds and crabgrass. Just as with lawns that aren’t watered and fertilized, relationships can wither without nurturing. Money and disagreements over money are certainly contributing factors in marital unhappiness. Try talking things over, perhaps with a marital counselor.
Separate your emotions from the financial issues. Feelings of revenge may be common in some divorces, but they’ll probably only help ensure that the attorneys get rich as you and your spouse butt heads. If you really want a divorce, work at doing it efficiently and harmoniously so you can get on with your lives and have more of your money to work with. The more spent on legal fees, the less will be left for you and your soon-to-be ex-spouse.
Detail resources and priorities. Draw up a list of all the assets and liabilities that you and your spouse have. Make sure you list all the financial facts, including investment account records and statements. After you know the whole picture, begin to think about what is and isn’t important to you financially and otherwise.
Educate yourself about personal finance and legal issues. Divorce sometimes forces nonfinancially-oriented spouses to get a crash course in personal finance at a difficult emotional time. This book and others I’ve written, such as Personal Finance For Dummies (also published by Wiley) can help educate you financially. Peruse a bookstore and buy a good legal guide or two about divorce.
Choose advisors carefully. Odds are that you’ll retain the services of one or more specialists to assist you with the myriad issues, negotiations, and concerns of your divorce. Legal, tax, and financial advisors can help, but make sure you recognize their limitations and conflicts of interest. The more complicated things become and the more you haggle with your spouse, the more attorneys, unfortunately, benefit financially. Don’t use your divorce attorney for financial or tax advice — your lawyer probably knows no more than you do in these areas. Also, realize that you don’t need an attorney to get divorced. A variety of books and kits can help you. Consider divorce by mediation. Research mediators in your area. Both parties have to agree they want to reach an agreement and are willing to work together to reach that end. The amount of money that goes back to each party and the diminished stress,
