especially with entrepreneurs? Can a founder afford the luxury of a normal ego? (No, not in my view.) How does the social and cultural view impact the founders and the CEOs? Silicon Valley is much different from what happens in Boulder, Berlin, Beijing, or Bengaluru.
As one CEO told me, when we get up in the morning, everyone looks out of the window and we see the same sky. But my horizon is different from yours. My inner drive and your inner drive are not the same. Why do some founders react differently while others give up?
Whoever fights monsters should see to it that in the process he does not become a monster.
And if you gaze long enough into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you.
— Friedrich Nietzsche
What Cannot Be Measured
In the world of business, emotions are unwelcome appendages, to be checked in at the entryways of the boardrooms. Spreadsheets matter. The soul does not. Assets and annual recurring revenues (ARR) matter; anguish does not. As our balance sheets become stronger, our spirit becomes weak. And all the cash in the bank cannot buy any contentment. As human beings we are equal parts intellect and emotion, strategy and sorrow, joy and pain, achievements and unfulfilled aspirations. When we ignore the mysterious side and only measure the logical and tangible, we fail to serve our deeper self, relegating our start-ups into soulless machines. Yet the future depends on the state of our consciousness here and now. As Eckhart Tolle reminds us, “If the means did not contribute to human happiness, neither will the end. The outcome is inseparable from the actions that led to it and is already contaminated by those actions.”
Doing, Thinking, and Feeling
Entrepreneur, investor, and author Brad Feld, with his authenticity and boldness gave me the impetus and permission to explore this topic. Brad has been one of the first venture capitalists to open up about his mental health, thereby giving the rest of us permission to feel. The world has encouraged us to think, become deep-thinkers and show off our rational sides, even compete on the logical plane. Yet here was a man who could bring deep feelings and show us his human side. When Brad and I co-authored Start-up Boards, the seeds for this book were planted. Founders shared their boardroom challenges, and when we started to dig deeper into the founder's own well-being, it was apparent that depression was rampant, unstated yet obvious – the huge elephant in the room.
In a business culture that values doing (execution) and thinking (strategy), we need to evolve toward feeling – a part that remains ignored in the world of business. By operating with our heads alone, we cast aside the best part of ourselves – the golden heart. And deep feeling leads us to awareness of feelings, unstated desires, hidden motivations, and frustrations, and the best part – our dark side. To know and have a healthy relationship with the darker parts can be a rewarding step toward our own self-development. But we don't quite know where to begin. We buried these feelings and it was best not to express these, not to talk about it. Jerry Colonna (who authored the foreword to Start-up Boards) has recently published Reboot: Leadership and the Art of Growing Up, a must-have guide for CEOs. Jerry, a former venture capitalist, is now a CEO-mensch, helping the leaders address a wide range of emotional challenges as they build their companies. One of his first observations when I started to write this book was, “When it comes to depression, our language is insufficient. Our words are inadequate. As a society, we have no practices in place to discuss, support, and nurture. How do we make it safe to step into this void and talk about it? ”
Just Give Me the Answers, or Leave Me with the Unspoken Agony
Writings, podcasts, and books do not always have readily packaged solutions. But they do serve a purpose. In the book Zorba the Greek, Nikos Kazantzakis writes about a fictional philosopher, Zorba, who goes into a fit of rage, challenges a scholar, demanding “What is the use of all your damn books if they don't give me answers, what do they do?” To which the scholar replies, “They tell me about the agony of men who can't answer questions.”
And so this book speaks to the unspoken agony. Entrepreneurs, shrinks, or shamans cannot answer the question of what precisely leads to depression. Yet when the entrepreneur suffers, innovation suffers. Progress in society suffers. Capital has no place to park itself, for its growth is tied to the growth of these crazy ones. We cheer on and love it when the founders go to war, emerge victorious. But when they fail, we simply look the other way. We do not have ways to care and nurture for the wounded warriors. We move on. Sorry but we don't quite know what to do with you, we might say. By casting them aside when they break, we do a great disservice to those who attempted to serve us. Yes, we should care for progress, but we should also care for the harbingers of its progress, in sickness and in health.
MY HOPE FOR YOU
Here, in this book, you will hear the voices of the entrepreneurs and founders who struggle and persevere. Psychology, depression, and therapy are messy, complex topics. I am no expert on these. In researching and writing about these, I did my best to keep the reader's interest front and center at all times. Some insights we have gathered from entrepreneurs may seem simplistic – motherhood and apple pie. Eat healthy food. Cut down on coffee. Get enough sleep. Critics might be tempted to dismiss these as obvious, but ask those consumed by the start-up frenzy. Our passion can devour us. Each day, we gradually chip away at our own bodies and psyches. And then all of a sudden, we are in a full-blown crisis.
Besides the basics, we have covered some additional topics that offer insights into how we might operate. If you find that some topics are not as in-depth as it might be, please know that I am painfully aware of this deficiency. I am sure each chapter could have been its own book of sorts. Striking a balance between depth and breadth is always an issue for writers. Most certainly, this book is neither a quick-fix five-step guide to nirvana, nor has it any instant answers. Unlike a bathrobe, there is no one-size-fits-all approach to our mental health challenges. As much as we want the world to fall in neat, four-quadrant boxes, it does not.
Writing about this topic caused me enough angst and anxiety, paralyzing at times. As T. S. Eliot once wrote, “Words strain, crack and sometimes break under the burden.” I stalled several times, and the pandemic did not help either. The gentle nudging, kindness, and love of a few soulmates kept me going – that, combined with the strength of the purpose. As I plodded through this journey and often wandered or got lost, all I had to do was to listen and respond to all that is around me – to a suicide; and one more suicide; to the unstated anger; the sighs; the sobs; the quivering hands, fluttery eyes, and jittery body language; to the soft pain that permeated the fundraising pitches and the impatient board rooms. Above all, the cry of those souls in silent anguish.
My sincere prayer is that entrepreneurs can use this book to build their awareness about their own psychological capital, develop resilience, and strengthen their internal resources with the tools and guideposts. Or as Emily Dickinson once wrote:
If I can ease one life the aching, Or cool one pain …
then this book would not be in vain.
NOTES
1 1. The words founder, CEO, and entrepreneur are used interchangeably across this book.
2 2. Matthew Cooper, “I'm Stepping Down as CEO Due to My Mental Health—and I Want to Talk About It,” Quartz, December 18, 2020,
