she was remembering a dream, or whether something inside her had begun to write, if the Sarah in her had started to document her story. Charlotte was relieved to find the dreams stopped coming once she started to write down the story. She was able to sleep through the nights, and to regain strength. On the whole she became calmer and more relaxed and once again found the courage and energy to heal.
Twice she went to see Christiane. It was astonishing to watch the changes in Christiane. Charlotte was aware that it was not her who healed. She could only trigger something that was hidden in people, something that was blocked. Sometimes she could push a little, give the first shove and a person suddenly managed to get going and to start healing.
That is what happened with Thomas. Thomas was a former colleague she used to meet for an occasional beer in the pub after work. One day she was told that he was in hospital following a kidney transplant. The transplant had been successful but he had been subjected to so many immunosuppressive injections that he had developed lymphatic cancer. She had already visited him once or twice and talked to him on the phone and was therefore well aware of the bad prognosis. She had spoken to him about laying on hands and meridian massage now and again, but he had always seemed sceptical. He didn’t give the impression of wanting to be treated and he had never actually asked her about it.
When she visited him in hospital she felt an indefinable fear of being helpless and unable to do anything, not even to talk to him about it. If she was quite honest with herself she was expecting to say her final goodbye. She went up to his floor, asked for his room number and noticed how reluctantly she walked towards his door. Thomas was alone in the room. He was tired and resigned, but happy to see her. The room smelled of medicine and hospital. Thomas was pale and his skin seemed to be bloated and greasy. Outside the sun was shining on the freshly fallen snow.
'Let’s go outside.' Thomas suggested.
'Of course, if that’s possible.' Charlotte was relieved because the atmosphere in the room was oppressive.
'Who should forbid me to leave the room?' Thomas asked sharply and Charlotte shrank back guiltily. They walked silently through the wintry grounds. Thomas bitterly complained that they had given him medication that they knew could cause cancer, but had told him that he had to take it anyway. That now he actually had cancer and couldn’t shake off the feeling that he was a guinea pig for the physicians. One male nurse had told him that the privately insured patients were given different medication. Charlotte kept silent. She felt his bitterness, but also his resignation and his fear.
They turned automatically into the park. Sun and snow had turned it into a fairyland. The snow crunched under their feet. A robin sang its winter song. A blackbird sat in a bush near the pond and sang its beautiful and sad song. All of a sudden, Charlotte could no longer accept that life was both immensely beautiful and at the same time cruel, painful and fear-inspiring. They watched a frozen leaf sailing to the ground, its edges covered in glimmering icicles.
'One of the nurses told me that last year a patient who had terminal illness got well by watching the leaves falling outside his window. All he did was watch the leaves falling.' Thomas halted pensively. 'Perhaps, if I just stand here and marvel at these icicles, don’t do anything else…' His voice was getting quieter and quieter. 'Do you think that’s possible?'
'Yes, I think that’s always possible,' agreed Charlotte and a tingling sensation went through her body. They were silent for some time, then Charlotte pushed herself to say, 'Thomas, I would like to treat you. I don’t know if it will make a difference, but it can’t do any damage. '
Now Thomas nodded. He didn’t say anything but he did nod.
'Let’s go to my flat. I had planned to ask you to accompany me there anyway. It isn’t far.'
When they reached the flat Thomas turned up the heating, made tea and watered his plants. After drinking their tea, Charlotte asked Thomas to lie down. She sat down by the bed and put her hands on his feet. Almost at once there was a strong current that seemed to suck at her until she was almost dizzy. Her teacher had warned her of this and made her promise that if she treated people with cancer she would only ever put her hands on their feet and only for as long as it felt okay. Charlotte didn’t know if this dizziness was 'feeling okay'. She concentrated on her crown chakra, opened it to the universe and asked for light, love and healing energy and with all her might send it through Thomas’s feet, his lymphatic lines and lymphatic nodes, which were both full of cancer, up to his head.
After fifteen minutes she felt she couldn’t take any more, she had to stop. She stroked down to his feet and finished in laying her hands on the stone floor. She concentrated on letting all the energy that didn’t belong to her flow into the floor. When she opened her eyes Thomas was looking at her. He smiled and there was a small light in his eyes. Charlotte swallowed and when she began to speak she didn’t know where the words came from, but it was her voice that said,
'Thomas, whether you live or die is not decided by the physicians in the hospital. Perhaps they can’t even influence at all whether you live or die. You and you alone decide to live or die. It is probably not your conscious ego that makes this decision, but certainly your inner self. You have to decide, you have to want to live and you have to fight for it.'
Thomas looked at her wide-eyed but the former doubts had vanished from his eyes.
'You must demand to be given the other medication, no matter how expensive it is. It’s your life that’s at stake. Refuse to take the medicine you’ve been given so far.'
'Yes,' Thomas answered, and continued with increasing enthusiasm, 'I’ll ask the young assistant physician again. He’s already talked to me about it. I think he wanted to change my medication anyway, but of course he wasn’t allowed to make that decision on his own.'
'But he will be able to tell you the correct name and the dose you ought to be given, which will enable you to make a definite demand!'
Suddenly there was an atmosphere of hope in the room. 'And what’s more, you should consult my own healer, Barbara. She’s taught me, and she’ll be able to help you and treat you better than I ever could. I think your disease is beyond my abilities. I can only give you what I’ve given you today. I can’t do any more.'
Thomas seemed to understand. He was going to stay in his flat for a while longer after Charlotte left. He wanted to enjoy the feelings he had experienced and to strengthen them before he returned to the hospital and its oppressive atmosphere.
'Call me if you need my support, and call Barbara first thing tomorrow morning.'
Charlotte left convinced that a miracle had just taken place. Her whole body was filled with a warm sensation and she felt a deep thankfulness. As she went back through the park, the blackbird was still singing. Charlotte knew that she had not healed Thomas, but she had triggered something in him. Now he would seek ways to get well and perhaps he would find healing. Suddenly she realised that perhaps his life had just been saved and a bright joyful laugh bubbled up in her throat.
Winter Solstice
21 December
Earth is sleeping
∞Darkness∞
∞We light a candle in the dark∞
∞to heal and to love∞
∞May love and healing grow, when the days become longer∞
Long nights, short days. The season of darkness. We fight the
