frowned. “That’s not the problem, Sorgius,” he said with a shake of his dark curls. He was tall and well-built, a giant next to his friends. “You always think everything has to do with rank and money. What actually happened is that our little hero spent months and months dreaming about a girl who was already preparing to light a fire in her husband’s hearth.”
“Little hero? We were born in the same year, yet you keep calling me ‘little.’ With the Sun as my witness, I’ve had enough!”
Sorgius made a face. “Oh no, he’s getting upset.” He turned to Uni. “My boy, it takes more than admiring pretty girls if you want to be a man. You need brains in your head instead of book dust. Plain old common sense. And you need to get outside more often. You sit inside that archive like a child in its mother’s womb. You haven’t even been born yet. You’re a baby!”
“Perhaps I don’t know life, if you define life as these filthy drinking parties of yours, filthy whores, gluttony and licentiousness, and the stink of that weed you smoke!” Uni shook his head. “Man was created for purity and light, to attain the secrets of this world and to respond to the call of tender love. I will never be like you two. Why do you always attack me?”
“Speaking of filthy drinking parties,” his companion on the right interrupted him. “Shall we stop in at the Rabbit? What do you say? I think that’s the perfect place to drink yourself into a stupor over unrequited love.”
Uni winced. “I thought you would understand me, Vordius. I suppose you’re done with your friends now that you’ve found love. Have you forgotten how we poured beer down your throat when you were heartsick?”
“That we did,” Sorgius recalled happily. “But for some reason, I was the one who vomited. Those hotheads from the guards certainly know how to drink. We were at the Roasted Rabbit that time, so why not go back? We already know the place.”
“My report for the Emperor is due at noon. I’m not going anywhere. I’ll suffer alone.”
“Did you hear that? He’s writing for the Great Lord, but he doesn’t want to drink to him. There’s something wrong with that. How about this: I hereby use the powers vested in me to arrest you until you remedy this blasphemous situation,” said Vordius Onato. He wrapped a giant arm around Uni’s shoulders and squeezed him until he cried out in pain. Then he dragged his friend’s puny body into their favorite drinking establishment.
The Roasted Rabbit might not have been one of the best-known taverns in Enteveria, but it offered the most fun, with the highest concentration of wine-lovers anywhere in the Empire. As its name indicated, the tavern was known for roasting rabbits, pheasants, and other delicacies brought in by hunters, which made it the ideal choice for gatherings of “real men” and anyone who wanted to sit next to them at prices that were more than reasonable for the capital city.
There were no seats to be had, but Vordius solved the problem in his usual manner: he simply knocked three of the most well-oiled customers off their chairs.
He gestured at a server. “Man, over here!” The server reacted quickly when he saw the guardsman. Vordius was feeling expansive. “Bring us the best of everything: rabbit, vegetables, bread, nuts. And make sure it’s all fresh!”
“Are you drinking wine or beer?”
“Bring both.”
“What kind of wine? We have a fortified wine from Seregad that is particularly nice.”
“I said bring everything!”
“Yes, your honor!”
Uni’s eyes were round. “I can’t believe it! You’ve been a nicor for less than a week and you’re already bossing everyone around. What will you be like when they make you a commander?”
“Would you rather sit here for an hour before they notice you? The way I do it, we already have a feast on our table.”
“Lovely. But who is going to pay for it?”
“He is,” Vordius said, pointing his huge finger at Sorgius, whose eyes had rolled up in delight at the smell of the beer. “He’ll pay for each word he said against my very best friend,” and the warrior wrapped his powerful arm around Uni’s face and kissed him on the top of the head.
“Of course, you brought me along to be the wallet,” Sorgius whined. “I wish I had known when we were boys together that I would end up buying your friendship with beer.”
“You brought it on yourself, fool! How many times have I told you to stop measuring everything in money? You’re a philanderer with years of experience, but when I asked you to give Uni advice, you just brushed me off. How could you? Can’t you see your friend is dying?”
“If he’s dying, then let’s drink the first toast to our friendship. May there always be someone to take the noose from around your neck!”
“To friendship!” Each member of the small group poured a little of his wine into his neighbor’s cup and then drank his own dry.
“See, Uni,” Sorgius turned to his neighbor, whose face was already pink. “Your fatal mistake was entirely banal. That’s what makes it so tragic. Your fault is how you look at a woman.”
“How do you know how I look at a woman?”
Sorgius snorted. “Do you think you’re one-of-a-kind? Everyone goes through it. See, you look at women as if they were holy beings. Goddesses. That’s the root of your problem.”
“But how else am I supposed to look at the woman I love? That’s normal.”
“Normal?” Sorgius snorted again. “What’s normal is seeing a woman for what she is. In reality. A woman is a pretty face that hides a very pragmatic, earthy nature. She has no time for romantic nonsense, and she usually knows perfectly well what she wants from life.”
“What does she want?”
“For a man to pay attention to her and take care of her. That’s the main idea. First of all, she has to see you as a man. Then, you have to show her some attention. Nothing else matters.”
“Fine. What is a man like that supposed to do with a woman?”
“Vordius can tell you all about that.” He turned to the guardsman with a grin. “How are you and Luvia getting along?”
The guardsman looked up and frowned. “Don’t you dare speak lightly of my Luvia!” He grabbed Sorgius by the front of his robe and shook him.
“You mean you haven’t done anything yet? Liar!” Sorgius shook with laughter.
“Luvia isn’t one of those girls. We will not have relations until the wedding. That was my decision!”
“A wedding? There’s a first! No wonder you set your eyes on a nice girl like that. But wait, how many others did you have before her? Come on, share your secrets with your best friend.”
“See here, Uni…” Vordius started in, tearing rabbit meat into strips on his plate.
“Little Uni!” Sorgius reminded him with a sneer.
“That’s right, Little Uni. See here,” Vordius
