sure, but this slippery feeling in my chest sure felt a hell of a lot like love.
CHAPTER 12
Shaw
I was still trying to figure out my new phone. Instead of replacing my broken one with the same model, Rule had gotten me the brand-new version with all the bells and whistles, and the thing was ten times smarter than me. I was trying to text Ayden that I was running late for our coffee date because one of my classes had run over. I hadn’t seen her for more than a few minutes at a time in the last couple of weeks so we were meeting to catch up. She was still acting a little off. Between staying at Rule’s place or him crashing at ours, and being constantly vigilant to avoid a run-in with Gabe, pinning her down and making her talk to me hadn’t been possible.
I was developing a pretty good rhythm. On the days I worked, I stayed on the Hill with Rule, since his place was closer to the bar and he didn’t mind coming in for a drink while waiting for me to get off; he and Lou were best pals now. On the days I was at school or volunteered, he would show up sometimes around dinner but often right before bedtime and spend the night at my apartment. I had decided to drop my Saturday shift in order to have one weekend night off to spend with him. He liked to go out on Friday and Saturday nights with his friends so I figured it was cool to let him have a night to get his bro-time in while I was working. Plus it was fun to have a weekend day off to go shopping or watch a movie when I was so used to being busy all the time. Being with Rule was teaching me that my time was precious and I needed to spend it doing things I wanted as well as the things that were required of me. That was partly why I felt justified in ignoring the calls from my parents that had been coming in nonstop since the trip to Brookside.
I finally got the text sent and got one back saying she already had a seat and had ordered for us. When I got to the coffeehouse the place was packed, but Ayden had secured a spot by one of the windows and was messing around on her phone. A table full of geeky-looking guys was trying to get her attention by talking and laughing loudly, but she seemed oblivious. I missed our girl time and I wished she would talk to me about what had been bothering her the last month, but with so much on my own plate I was well aware that I hadn’t been the best friend as of late. I flopped in the seat across from her and gratefully scooped up the frothy drink she had ordered for me. She made a face at me and put her phone away. “I almost saw your boyfriend naked this morning.”
I laughed at the look on her face. “I don’t know what to say to that—you’re welcome?”
She crinkled her nose at me. “He doesn’t have much shame, does he?”
“You’ve met Rule, right?”
She picked up her own drink and peered at me over the top of the cup. “I guess he doesn’t really have much to worry about, does he? I don’t know how you don’t get distracted by all that stuff inked all over him. I think I would spend all my time looking at his tattoos rather than getting down to business.”
“It’s fun.”
“I bet.” She had a faraway look in her pretty eyes that I just couldn’t let slide anymore.
“Come on, Ayden; tell me what’s going on with you lately. I know I’ve been wrapped up in my own stuff but I can see the change in you. You look so sad all the time and that’s just not like you.”
Her whiskey-toned gaze shifted from one side to another before settling on the table between us. She set her coffee down and traced the rim of the cup with her finger.
“I don’t know. I mean, I know, but not really.” I just watched her because I wasn’t sure what she was talking about. “I used to think I had it all figured out—school, boys, my future, all of it. I knew that coming from nothing and no one didn’t matter because I was on the right track and I was going to be something great, and now I just don’t know.”
“What brought this on?”
“The night at the rock bar, the night I had Jet take me home, I practically threw myself at him.” I saw her flinch a little. “He was polite enough about it all but said I wasn’t really his type and that nice girls like me deserved better.”
“Well, that seems chivalrous and nice of him, not life-altering.”
“That’s the thing, Shaw. I’m a nice girl now but you have no idea about the life I lived before I moved to Colorado. When I was in Kentucky, I was out of control. I partied, messed around in all kinds of bad stuff, played around with too many guys, and I was a mess inside and out. It took a miracle to get me into this school and away from all of that, but part of me is still that girl, and when Jet turned me down it just made both parts of me go a little sideways. He’s cute and in a band, and I was mad, really mad, when he rejected me on the basis of being a good girl. That’s just not who I think I want to be. I’ve been struggling with it ever since.”
I set my coffee down and looked at her out of narrowed eyes. “You let a guy get all up in your head after one brief encounter? That doesn’t sound like you at all.”
“There was something about this guy, Shaw. I don’t know what it was.”
“Ayden, you’re amazing. I don’t care what your life was like before, because now you’re loyal and kind, you make me laugh, you’re smarter than practically anyone I know, you’re ridiculously beautiful, and we both know that there have been times in the last couple of years when the only thing holding me together was you. I’ve met Jet a few times and he is nice and definitely a babe, but he’s also a rock-and-roll guy who comes with legions of rock-and-roll groupies fawning all over him, so whatever moment you had with him is not worth this mopey self-doubt he seems to have spawned in you.”
“This from the girl who pined over her guy in silence for half a decade?” Her sarcasm was biting, but well deserved.
“Yes, and look how miserable and lonely it made me. All I’m saying is that if a guy can’t appreciate you for how wonderful you are, then he isn’t worth it, and if he doesn’t want to sully your good image, whether it is real or not, then I hate to say it but that just sounds like maybe he wasn’t interested. You are pretty country and he is pretty rock. I mean, I know I’ve been drowning in opposites attract and all that nonsense for my whole life with Rule, but maybe they really don’t and you just weren’t his type. I’ve seen the girls who gravitate to these guys when they go out. Heck, I’ve walked in on Rule with them over and over again, and trust me, big brains, self-confidence, and ambition are not things these women bring to the table.”
She exhaled loudly. “Maybe. It just made me wonder about what I’m doing. I date, I have a pretty good time, I love living with you, and I’m awesome at school, but I feel like something is missing. And when I see your superhot, half-dressed boyfriend covered in tattoos looking all sleepy and satisfied I get a little burn near my heart that hurts. I think I’m lonely and not for something casual and simple. Trust me, I had plenty of that when I was younger.”
I laughed a little and scraped some of the foam off my drink with my finger and popped it in my mouth. I think the table of geeks gasped but I wasn’t sure, because when I looked back up at them they were all frantically typing away on their laptops.
“So you pick a heavy-metal singer to get all mushy and sentimental over? Man, we’ve got marvelous taste in men.”
She laughed with me and leaned back to cross her long legs at the ankle. “I think it’ll probably fade away, but in the meantime
