a lot of really dirty words and let my head fall backward.
“Let me know when and where. I’ll tell Shaw, but you can’t get pissed and go back to the war all mad if Mom does what she tends to do and makes it ugly.”
“I don’t understand why we can’t all just be a goddamn family for once. I really don’t feel like that’s too much to ask.”
“You’re right, it’s not and I will do my part. Okay?”
“Thanks, bro, you’re only half as bad as everyone thinks.”
“Shut up.” I laughed and went back to my drawing. “Just so you know, I’m going to miss having your bossy ass around.”
He walked over to me and put me in a headlock. I struggled in vain trying to get loose but he was just too big and easily manhandled me.
“I’m going to miss your smart mouth and shitty attitude as well. Though this hair you have going on is stupid and not at all you, so I won’t miss that one bit.” He finally released me when I got a solid fist into his ribs. He let me go with a grunt and I pushed the nondescript locks off my forehead.
“You’re just worried that when I have normal-looking hair that people will start to realize that I’m much better looking than you.”
He lunged for me again and we wrestled around for a little bit like we used to do when we were kids, only now Rome was a giant with a solid fifty pounds on me, so it wasn’t much of a fight. He left with a promise to call and order something for dinner and it gave me a small measure of satisfaction to notice he was rubbing his ribs on his way out.
I pulled my phone out and stared at the screen. I hated that I was struggling with what I wanted to say to Shaw, that I was worrying over what words to use. I was so used to just saying and doing whatever I wanted, that this controlled and locked-down version of myself was getting old before it even started. I wrote out a quick message:
Rome just got his medical release. He’s going back to the desert on Monday.
I figured since she was working that she wouldn’t respond right away. It wasn’t like we had been engaging in any kind of deep philosophical conversations as of late.
Oh no! Are you okay?
I’d already lost one brother, so the idea that my remaining one had a job that constantly placed him in jeopardy most definitely meant I was not okay, but there wasn’t anything I could do about it. Rome’s sense of duty was part of what made him who he was, and I respected it and him far too much to let my feelings taint any of the fleeting time we spent together.
I’ve been better but he seems okay with it so what else is there to do?
Do you need me to come over after work?
I thought you had homework.
I do, but if you need me it can wait.
I did need her. I wanted to hold her and love all up on her, but not because she was feeling sorry for me, but because she wanted to be with me, too. I glared at the phone and at how complicated things seemed to have turned overnight.
Naw, I’m straight, but he wants to do a family dinner with EVERYBODY before he leaves. He’s going to have Dad set it up.
How’s that going to work with things between you and Margot?
Not just me, you’re coming, too.
I’m not worried about me.
Rome seems to think that since he’s shipping back out she’ll behave if he asks her to, but I have my doubts. He thinks if we do it someplace public she’ll behave.
It’s so sad you guys even have to worry about that in the first place.
Not the only one with family problems, Casper.
No, you’re not.
Have a good night.
There was a long pause and I didn’t think she was going to say anything back but after about five minutes my phone beeped with a new message.
I miss you, Rule.
I didn’t know what to say to that because I wasn’t the one pulling away this time. I clicked the screen off and went back to my drawing.
The next night, I was the one blowing off spending time with Shaw because I decided it was a great idea to take Rome out and at least attempt to get him laid before he went back overseas. Somehow, I ended up facedown in a fifth of Crown, so I’m pretty sure I failed and ended up being the worst wingman ever. Rome and Nash dropped me on the bed after practically carrying me home. It wasn’t until well after eleven the next morning, when I was attempting to shower and fake being human enough to show for work, that I noticed I had three missed calls and five missed messages from Shaw. They were all variations on the same thing: Where are you? What are you doing? Why aren’t you answering? Should I come by? Are you going to come by? They all made me cringe and swear. I felt guilty as hell because had things not been so strained between us I would have called her before I left or asked her to come with us. Instead, I had enjoyed just being my normal self and not putting any effort into being anybody’s perfect anything.
I was about to try to call her to explain when Rome came out of the hallway bathroom running a towel over his head. “You alive?”
“Barely. I need to call Shaw. I was too messed up last night to let her know what was going on.”
He gave me a sharp look. “I already called her. She texted me last night wondering what you were up to so I told her you were loaded and out of control. She sounds sad, worse than that, she sounds sad because of you.”
I growled a little and rested my elbows on the kitchen counter. “I know but I don’t know what I did wrong. I almost beat her ex to death in a parking lot but realized if I was going to act like a caveman I was going to lose her and not be around to protect her. I’ve been minding all my p’s and q’s and, let me tell ya, I had no idea how many of those little fuckers there were. But ever since I started, she’s been acting like I cheated on her or did some other horrible thing.”
“Rule, she liked you just fine when your p’s and q’s were all over the map. Stop trying to be something you aren’t and just let her love you. It’s not hard. Dad called and dinner is tonight at Ruth’s Chris downtown at six. I already told Shaw, so unless you want to grovel and apologize, you don’t need to call her.”
“They’re coming here?”
“Dad thought it would be good for Mom. He thought maybe getting her out of Brookside would break some of that hold the past has on her.”
“I guess we’ll see.”
“Rule.” I turned to look at him and was struck by the sincerity in his eyes. “Thank you for doing this for me. I know it isn’t easy for you.”
“I’m learning easy things never
