to take some risks. At each step along the journey of our lives, we have choice. We can confront the things that we are resisting, and in doing so grow as human beings. Or we can choose not to stretch ourselves and, in doing so, remain stagnant and small. In other words, our choices either free us or they limit us. So I placed a few little challenges in your way to see how you’d respond. And you did great.”
“Well, Julian—and I hope you don’t mind me calling you Julian…”
“Of course not, Dar. We’ll be getting to know each other quite well over the coming weeks. Let’s do away with any formality,” replied Julian as he sipped from a bottle of Evian water.
“I’d love to have you as my life coach. Actually, I’m very honored that you would choose me as your next project. You’re right. I have a great sense that I am ready to discover my destiny and live my true life. Something miraculous happened to me yesterday that opened up that awareness within me. I can’t really get into it right now, but let me simply say that I’m beginning to appreciate what a treasure this gift of life is. I’m also starting to realize that each of us has far more potential for greatness than most of us can fathom.”
“Very true,” Julian affirmed.
I continued. “Julian, let me ask you a basic question that I think a lot of people are wondering about: how does one actually go about discovering his destiny?”
Julian ran a hand along the embroidery on the front of his robe. He closed his eyes, as if he was seeking guidance from a higher source. After a long silence, he spoke.
“No one discovers their destiny, Dar. Your destiny will discover you—it will find you, provided you have done the preparation and inner work required to seize the opportunity when it presents itself. Carlos Castaneda said it so well: ‘All of us, whether or not we are warriors, have a cubic centimeter of chance that pops out in front of our eyes from time to time. The difference between the average person and a warrior is that the warrior is aware of this and stays alert, deliberately waiting, so that when this cubic centimeter of chance pops out, it is picked up.’”
“Neat.”
“Here’s the key. Stop worrying about finding your destiny. Spend your time getting to know yourself. Tear down the façade you show to the world and do the deep inner work on yourself needed to know who you really are. Focus on rebuilding your self-relationship. Get to know your deepest and truest values. Get to know your preferences and priorities—not those that others have taught you are the most important but those that you feel to be of the highest value. Get to know what genuinely makes you feel happy. Bring the subconscious patterns and ways of reacting to things out into the light of your awareness, so they can be healed. Get to know your fears and how you came to make them your own. As you come to know who you are, you can then claim your destiny as it draws closer to you. As you get to know who you truly are and what you are really all about, you will be able to seize that ‘cubic centimeter of chance’ when it pops out in front of you. And trust me, it will.”
“Okay. Makes perfect sense. I’m open to doing all this ‘inner work,’ as you call it—even getting to know my darkest fears.”
“Someone gave you your fears, you know? Someone taught them to you.”
“Really?”
“Of course. At the moment of your birth, you were truly fearless. At the moment of your birth, you were pure perfection. Henri Amiel once wrote that ‘Childhood is blessed by heaven because it brings a piece of paradise into the cruelties of life. All these thousands of everyday births are fresh additions of innocence and purity which fight against our spoiled nature.’”
“So true, Julian. Children do come to us more highly evolved than adults to teach us the lessons we need to learn. I know I’ve forgotten that lesson many times. In so many ways, children are the teachers. They know so much more than we allow them credit for.”
“Exactly, amigo. As infants, we really are perfect. We are still connected to the force that created the world. But as we begin to age, we adopt fears from the world around us. We become ‘spoiled.’ We do this because we want to fit in and be like everyone else. We want our parents to love and adore us. So we model them and take on their fears, limiting beliefs and false assumptions so we can be more like them. It’s all done because we crave to be loved. Who you are in this moment is not who you truly are. Rather, it’s someone you’ve become as a result of being in this world. To clear all those fears that you have assumed from the world around you, you will need to go back and explore the source of all your fears. Then you’ll have to work through them until they are no longer a part of your psyche. To know yourself so that your destiny will come calling, you must also pay more attention to your life and reflect on the lessons that need to be learned. You must be strict with yourself and examine your story.”
“My story?”
“Every one of us creates a story about his own life, even if he only tells it to himself. For some, the story is all about being a victim. They are the way they are because of their childhoods or because of where they grew up or because of the bad things that have happened to them. So many people in the world today are professional victims.”
“Why?”
“Because playing the victim is easy. You do not have to assume any responsibility for the way your life looks. You can blame everyone else for what’s not working in your life, never having to look at yourself and make the changes required. But when you play victim, you assign away your power to that which you allege is victimizing you. It’s a very impotent way to live.”
“So true,” I replied, nodding my head in agreement.
“The story that people create may be that they are too old to chase their dreams or not attractive enough to find the mate they desire or not smart enough to do what they wish to do. It goes on and on. My point is really this: The best move you can make is to work on your self-relationship.”
“Just like you did in the Himalayas,” I interjected.
“Just as I did in the Himalayas,” Julian echoed. “Most people have lost the connection with themselves. They have forgotten who they truly are. That makes me so sad. Every single one of us has greatness written into our DNA. Our lives were meant to be joy-filled, exciting and rich with love, peace and beauty. Happiness is our birthright. But we get in our own way. We have fallen into the trap of mediocrity. We believe that we are not meant for miracles. We play small for fear that, should we step out into our higher possibilities, we will get hurt or people will not love us or our lives will not work.”
“So true.”
Julian continued enthusiastically. “We buy into the lie that only money will bring us happiness and so we sell our souls. We just don’t know who we are anymore and what we were meant to become. We’ve unconsciously traded in the authentic power we are born with for the external power that comes from being in the world. We really have forgotten who we truly are. And if you do not know who you are and what it is you truly want to be, then how can you recognize and seize your destiny when it presents itself to you? Know yourself and, I promise you, your destiny will find you.”
Julian paused. “Okay, time to wrap up our first coaching session, Dar. It’s getting late and I’m sure you’ve had enough excitement for one night.”
Julian then put one of his muscular arms around my shoulders as we left the dressing room and walked down the hallway. Just being next to Julian brought me to peace.
