home and the experience is as fresh in their minds – and ask pertinent questions like:
Was the baby breech because of the shape of my womb?
Why didn’t I dilate quickly?
Why couldn’t the baby turn?
Was Caesarean really the only option?
Did the epidural slow down my contractions?
They will know whether your pelvis is shallow or deep, if the baby was too big for your frame or if your vaginal muscles were too tight to avoid an episiotomy. You can’t change the past but you can forgive it. By being armed with full knowledge, you can make the changes you need to shape your future – and get your happy ending.
Following is a birth acceptance visualization, which I hope will enable you to experience the kind of positive uplift you can receive as a new mother – whatever your birth story. If you followed the gentle birth method, you will already know how to invoke deep muscle relaxation. To start, sit in a warm, dim place, ideally stretched out in a position you can comfortably maintain for 20 minutes.
Note: If you have a close friend or partner who can read this to you, close your eyes and get into a comfortable position of rest and relaxation, making sure you are warm. Ask them to read very, very slowly and in a soft voice:
Birth Acceptance Visualization
Take three deep breaths into the lowest part of your tummy and let your breath go all the way down into your pelvis. As you breathe out, visualize that your pelvic muscles are utilizing the new oxygen you have just breathed in, and are revitalizing and toning up your amazing birthing spaces. After those three initial breaths, breathe more normally. As you do so, remember that when you close your eyes, you automatically generate the alpha-wave patterns within your brain that induce meditation and a receptive frame of mind!
Take another deep breath to indicate your readiness to let your subconscious send positive messages to your mind and body for total healing, so that you can glorify the fact that you have given birth. Your soul accepted becoming a mother quite spontaneously and unconsciously, and when you learnt you were pregnant you generously welcomed your tiny little baby into your womb. Your baby grew within your womb for ten whole lunar months, and all the while you talked to your baby and watched your baby grow. You have been so generous with your love!
Of course your baby too gave you untold joy while within your womb, especially when you noticed your friends and even people walking by on the street looking at you with warmth, pride and even curiosity! You pretended to ignore their curiosity but you felt proud within as you smiled to yourself and walked away.
As your baby’s birthing day was approaching, you enjoyed curling up on a sofa and tuning in to your thoughts. You visualized holding your baby in your arms and rocking your baby to sleep. The most intimate moments of your baby’s life were while you were still carrying your baby within your womb. You intimately shared every thought, every emotion, every rush of love! The closest relationship between two individuals is the relationship of you, the mother, with your baby within your womb. You look back and remember the joy you experienced when your baby moved reassuringly and prodded, nudged and kicked you from within your womb!
Half open your eyes and look around, then close your eyes again as you take three more deep breaths. And as you do so, all your happy moments that you can recall during your pregnancy will flash before your eyes as vivid colourful images – all bright, all beautiful! Almost as if you are seeing yourself in a television screen. Every time you take three deep breaths from now on you will instantly tune in to those wonderful memories that awaken in you feelings of great joy!
You begin to tune in to the fact that the whole purpose of getting pregnant was to hold your tiny baby in your arms and nurture your precious bundle! Your strong maternal instinct is ever-present, even when you are tired, and your baby knows that instinctively. After all, your baby was within your womb all those months and has become finely tuned to the way that you express yourself. You even notice that people on the street smile at you as you walk around your neighbourhood with your baby. They seem to be unconsciously drawn to your subtle radiance.
All that we visualize becomes a reality, so let us visualize that from this moment onwards every time you wish your baby would go to sleep, he/she will … Close your eyes and visualize two special guardian angels spreading their wings of protection around you and your baby, making both of you equally sleepy. Their presence radiates warm waves of sedation that surround you and your baby like a magnetic blanket, sending you both into a wonderful sleep! As you fall into a deep and dreamless sleep, the kind that automatically nurtures and nourishes you and makes you feel immersed in our great universe, you receive an insight that everything you visualize becomes a reality. And you visualize physical help and emotional support for you and your baby for each and every moment of your life.
I invite you to know that each and every birth is unique. You allow your inner mind to forgive your busy lifestyle that might have compromised your birth fitness, and you resolve that next time you will give yourself the total rest that you, as a pregnant mother, truly deserve.
Even though your birth was different from what you expected, we are going to now use your special gift to visualize what your birth should have been like. So let us imagine you and your baby’s guardian angel. She is sweeping her arms across the sky as your first contractions come on, sprinkling you in snowflakes which tumble over your hair and down your shoulders, easing all the tension out of your muscles, until your body melts into the consistency of softly set jelly. As you relax, she whispers into the ear of your partner. He envisages his beautiful baby inside your body, preparing to be born, dropping down all the way into your pelvis with the baby’s chin on his/her chest so that his/her head is well flexed and fits easily into your inner pelvic space, ready to smoothly slide down your birthing spaces … stretching and moulding all the way down to your vaginal opening. You visualize your baby actively participating in the birth process by secreting even more elastin and relaxin that automatically widen and soften your pelvic spaces, magically expanding them into a wide-open channel for your birth process.
From where we are now, your angel eases the tenderness and the tissue memory from all of your muscles that are healing so well. Your angel understands and transmits to your inner mind what you needed to know at the time of your birth so that you forgive the past easily and proceed to heal smoothly.
Your inner mind suddenly becomes aware that both you and your baby have together created a wide-open channel within your pelvis that a tiny baby can easily slide out of. Check this out with your inner mind, and if your inner mind agrees then take a deep breath in and out and let your whole body relax even further as you allow all the tissues in your body to behave as if they have just experienced your dream birth!
Take another deep breath in and out as you ask all the tissues in your body, especially in your pelvis and birthing areas, to release all old tissue memories and imprint the new visualized memory of the birth that you and your baby have now created within your minds.
Take another deep breath into the lowest part of your tummy and ask your amazing inner mind to let your eyes open … only … when your inner mind has totally integrated this special healing into all the parts of your mind and into your tissue memory.
questions to ask after an assisted delivery
Following an instrumented delivery, such as a ventouse birth, you may want to ask your doctor or midwife the following questions to get a better idea of what was needed and why, its effect on the baby, and whether it’ll be necessary next time.
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