She eased the sling down an inch. I caught a glimpse of dark hair and the tiny curve of a delicate ear before the baby began to squall and Joan was on the move again. ‘Two weeks old and still only five pounds,’ she said, swinging her shoulders from side to side. ‘I heard you’d adopted recently. Megan, isn’t it? How’s she doing?’
News travelled with surprising speed around fostering circles. When Megan’s adoption was finalised in June 2014, I had been touched to receive congratulatory cards from lots of foster carers, some of whom I had only met once or twice. Like Joan’s new charge, Megan, now three and a half, had been born addicted to drugs. She suffered painful withdrawal symptoms and was barely out of my arms during her first few weeks of life.
Like me, my birth children, Emily and Jamie, then sixteen and thirteen, had grown increasingly attached to her, and vice versa. When Megan’s social worker suggested that I throw my hat into the ring for assessment as her adopter, I had jumped at the chance. ‘She’s a right little pickle,’ I said, remembering this morning’s meltdown over a major misdemeanour of mine – cutting her toast into triangles instead of squares. ‘But she’s our little pickle. We wouldn’t be without her now.’
The pouches beneath Joan’s eyes creased as she smiled. ‘I heard it was touch-and-go for a while.’
I blew out some air and nodded. It was true. After being turned down as an adopter for Megan because of safety concerns (her birth family knew where I lived), we went through the difficult process of moving her onto adoptive parents. The placement broke down and she returned to us a few weeks later, but the move had left its mark. Megan was still fearful of separation, even for short periods. Getting her settled at nursery in September had been a challenge. For the first few weeks she became so distressed at drop-off time that I decided to stay with her.
By the end of the winter term she was managing four mornings and one longer day a week on her own, but still clung to me before she went in. Fortunately the staff were amazing. They grew teary when I explained Megan’s background and always made an extra special effort to welcome her. ‘To be honest I forget she’s adopted most of the time.’
Joan smiled. ‘Make yourself comfortable, if you can find a space. You won’t mind if I don’t join you?’
‘Knock yourself out,’ I said with a chuckle, and then, ‘Oh dear, Joan, your poor back.’ I couldn’t actually find a space to sit down. Strewn across the sofa were several half-opened packets of wet wipes, a few unused nappies, a cellular blanket, a couple of children’s magazines and various other toys. ‘I’ll perch here, shall I?’ I gestured to the arm of the sofa.
She grimaced. ‘Sorry, Rosie. But you know how tough it is.’
I waved her apology away. ‘Joan, you’re dressed. That’s a miracle in itself.’
She came to a stop a few feet in front of me and gave me a grateful smile. ‘Talking of tough … you’re looking for a new challenge, are you?’
‘Ha, well … how much of a challenge are we talking about?’
She blew out some air. ‘Have you ever seen Armageddon?’
I laughed. ‘Oh, Joan, don’t.’ She didn’t laugh back, just half-cocked an eyebrow. ‘What? That bad?’
‘Put it this way,’ she said, glancing at the door and lowering her voice. ‘I’ve only had them a few days and I’ve been distracted, so it’s difficult to tell how much is boredom, how much is down to the shock of the move and – well, you’ll see for yourself soon enough. I mean, Archie’s been fairly quiet …’
She stopped at the sound of footsteps. Moments later a young girl burst into the room. As soon as she caught sight of me she came straight over and laid her head on my lap. My stomach clenched with pity. I glanced at Joan. She gave me a meaningful look and said something inaudible out of the corner of her mouth.
Being overfamiliar with strangers isn’t unusual behaviour for children from chaotic backgrounds. While some children with a history of trauma and neglect withdraw into themselves, others trust no one to keep them safe and take matters into their own hands. Bobbi was probably trying to minimise any threat I posed by making herself appear both appealing and vulnerable. It was the reptilian part of her brain at work; her own little fight for survival. ‘Hello. You must be Archie?’
She lifted her head. ‘Huh?’
I gave her a teasing smile. ‘Pleased to meet you, Archie.’
She giggled. ‘I’m not a boy! I’m Bobbi!’ She was a pretty girl with deep-set brown eyes and pale, barely-there eyebrows. Her complexion was pallid though, and she looked far too thin.
‘Oh, of course you are,’ I said, smiling. ‘Silly me.’ There was a flicker of movement across the room. I half-registered a boy standing in the doorway. ‘This must be your sister then?’
As I turned towards him I was struck by a flash of recognition. I ran my eyes over his wavy brown hair and the pale skin of his thin face and then I remembered where I’d seen him before. I had helped out on a domestic violence workshop for children a few months earlier and Archie had been one of the attendees. He had stuck in my mind because when the social worker asked the children at the end of the session what they had enjoyed most about the course, Archie had answered, ‘The biscuits.’
Already classed as ‘children in need’ by the local authority following episodes of domestic violence between their mother and her partner, the comment had heightened professionals’ concerns over the siblings’ welfare, particularly as both were very small for their respective ages. As many as three children die each week in the UK through maltreatment and the biscuits comment, while far from definitive proof of neglect, was certainly something to jangle already twitching nerves.
I decided not to say anything about recognising him. He certainly didn’t need reminding of his past – ‘Coo-ee! I was there when you were at one of the lowest points in your life. Remember me?’
‘Archie,’ Joan said. ‘This is Rosie, love.’
He took a few steps into the room, his sister giggling a high-pitched cackle in front of me. ‘I think I know you. Weren’t you on that course I went to?’
‘Yes, that’s right. Lovely to see you again, Archie. You’re both coming to stay with me, then?’ They nodded in unison, Bobbi beginning to spin around on one leg. ‘That’s good. My children can’t wait to meet you.’
‘How many have you got?’ Archie asked as Bobbi lowered her head back to my thigh. Singing loudly, she grabbed the arm of the sofa and began running on the spot, head-butting me in the process. I put a hand on each of her shoulders and gently eased her away. She frowned at me then threw herself backwards onto a nearby footstool and made loud panting noises.
‘I have two daughters,’ I said, ignoring the sideshow and focussing my attention on Archie. For a brief second I pictured myself through his eyes; a woman in her mid-forties with shoulder-length, wavy blonde hair and hazel, slightly tired eyes, ones that hopefully displayed the promise of kindness. ‘Emily is twenty and studying to be a nurse, Megan’s going to be four in July, and then there’s Jamie. He’s seventeen.’
‘I want to be a nurse, Joanie!’ Bobbi shouted from the footstool. ‘Joanie, Joanie, I’m going to be a nurse one day!’
I decided now was
