he said, his senses at last catching up with his shock. ‘No, that wouldn’t work. The sub can be denied orgasms – but not the dom. Orgasm denial is a challenge – you still have to have sex with me, you just don’t get to come.’
‘How dull. Still, it takes all sorts, I suppose. Chastity belts, then?’
‘You really want to go there?’
‘No, I don’t really want to, but I don’t think you deserve to get your grubby little mitts on me and so …’
‘OK.’ He swallowed. ‘I understand why … I really do. I just don’t think this can work without sex … look, Lu, I’ve no right to ask this of you but …’
He broke off. I had a bad feeling, and I was bracing myself to shout ‘No’ over the howling gale of ‘Yes, yes, take me, yes’ that would be howling in my head.
‘Can I try and prove myself worthy of you?’
It was not what I’d expected and I sat up, a strange swoony feeling in my head.
‘Prove yourself worthy of me? How? What do you mean?’
‘Like, I don’t know, a quest. Something my mediaeval descendants might have known all about. If only I could get advice from them. But I get the feeling I’ll need to do more than slay dragons or triumph at the joust to win your favours.’
‘You’re insane,’ I said, after a pause for consideration, but I couldn’t let him see the melting core of me so I made my voice as hard as I could.
‘No, I think it would restore my sanity, actually,’ he said eagerly. ‘For example, you’ve already demanded that I deal with my drinking. That’s a hell of a quest on its own. I wouldn’t do it for anybody – but I’m prepared to do it for you.’
‘You should do it for you,’ I muttered, but this was all taking me a long way past my ability to be tough and uncompromising. It was a stretch trying to find any response that wasn’t a dreamy sigh of ‘Oh, Joss’.
‘Doing it for you is doing it for me.’ He pursued the point with bright eyes, a puppy dog jumping up at me for some positive attention. ‘You have something I want. I’ll climb mountains and cross rivers to get it. It’s pretty simple, really.’
‘You’ll … let me think about what you’re saying. You want something from me – the means to get this unwanted lodger off your back.’
‘More than that,’ he said, but I shushed him.
‘And you’re prepared to do whatever it takes to keep me.’
‘Yes.’ His nod was impatient, as if he had spent hours explaining a simple maths concept to me.
‘But then it’ll all be over. Once I get my story, I walk away. So this seems a bit over the top for such a temporary arrangement. Do you see why I’m a little … confused?’
He chewed on his lip and looked out of the window for a while.
‘Perhaps I’m hoping,’ he said with a cough, ‘for too much.’
I tried to be gentle. ‘It sounds like it.’ Inside, I screamed, No, you aren’t. You can have it.
‘But look,’ he said, driven and persuasive once more, making my every resolve bend into a dangerous shape by sheer power of eye contact. ‘Let’s take things a step at a time. I need to be convincing as your dom. Therefore I need you to commit to a bit more than a chastity belt. We can take it as slowly as you like, but we have to make progress.’
‘The trust issue,’ I faltered.
‘Yes, yes.’ He took this up enthusiastically. He had an answer for me. He wasn’t going to let me get away. I felt like a target, marked out. My defeat at his hands was inevitable. ‘That’s what all this is about. You give me tasks, I complete them, your confidence in me is raised. Little by little, perhaps, but ultimately …’
‘You think you can make me trust you?’
‘I think I can try. I think I have to try. Please, Lulu. Will you let me try?’
‘What’s all this about, though, Luce?’
I checked my watch and peered across the Feathers’ garden to the lane beyond. Would he drive or walk? Either way, it was still five minutes until eight o’clock.
‘Can’t a daughter take her mum out for a nice evening drink in the countryside?’
I took a sip of my shandy while mum chugged on her pint of scrumpy and black.
‘I just don’t know why you were so anti bringing Animal along. He’s at a loose end tonight. No gigs, no rehearsals. We were going to have a night in and watch The Lost Boys on DVD.’
‘Gawd, how many times have you watched that film? I bet you could quote the script word for word.’
She grinned. ‘Probably could.’ She sighed. ‘Oh, Jason Patric. Wish he’d come to Tylney.’
‘Perhaps he will one day. Anyway, I just wanted to have a bit of time with you, just us. You worked so hard when I was a kid to get food on the table and I want to say thanks for all you did for me.’
‘Aw, babe. I wasn’t exactly the perfect parent.’
‘Who is?’
She ruffled my hair.
‘It’s good to have you back,’ she said.
That was the moment he sauntered out of the French doors, carrying a tall glass of what I hoped was lemonade.
‘Is that …?’ Mum squinted, leaning forwards.
‘Joss, yeah.’
‘Shit, he’s coming over. Babe, are you all right with this?’
‘Fine, fine,’ I said tersely.
‘’Cos I know there’s history –’
‘Shh!’
He was within hearing range now, making a beeline for us.
He stopped at the table, directed his most charming smile at mum and said, ‘Ms Miles. Would you mind awfully if I joined you?’
Mum looked so thunderstruck I wanted to laugh.
‘What’s all this “Ms Miles”?’ she said, after a moment of stunned silence. ‘You know my name’s Karen. That’s what you always called me.’
‘Yes, but I feel I ought to pay my respects to you, if that doesn’t sound too pompous. May I?’
He
