had all been so different when she had first been rescued. She had been so happy then, so grateful to Lou for staying with her, and even more grateful to Bobby for taking her twin’s place and then her own so that she could be rescued. It had been only after Lou had joined the WAAF that she had started having these awful feelings of panic and fear, flashbacks to how it had felt to be trapped under the bomb. At first she had tried to ignore those feelings, hoping that if she did they would simply go away, but they hadn’t. Instead they’d grown worse, tormenting her at every turn, making her afraid to go to sleep in case she woke up in the darkness thinking she was still trapped. The torch protected her, keeping the darkness at bay, but nothing could protect her from her fears. Fears that were all the worse for her knowing that every day Bobby risked losing his own life because he worked in bomb disposal. The thought of him being trapped as she had been terrified her. She had forbidden him to talk to her about his work because she simply couldn’t bear hearing about the shafts they had to dig to get down to some of the bombs. She had nightmares about those shafts; about being trapped in one of them with the earth burying her, slowly choking her to death.
There was no point in her trying to explain to anyone how she felt. Who would understand? Not Bobby, who laughed at her when she said that his work was too dangerous, not Lou, who loved nothing more than risking her own life flying in a plane, not the girls she worked with at the telephone exchange, who all had boyfriends or husbands, doing their bit for the country, not her elder sister, Grace, either, who talked about the bravery of the wounded soldiers she nursed, and certainly not her parents, who were so proud of Luke. They would all think she was a coward and be ashamed of her. She felt ashamed of herself. Ashamed and afraid and so very alone.
Tears trickled down Sasha’s face, her hold on the little torch tightening, her last thought before she fell asleep that she must wake up before Lou so that she could switch off the torch so Lou wouldn’t know about it.
‘That’s nearly a full week’s ration of butter you’ve just spread on your toast,’ Bella pointed out crossly to her brother, as she poured herself a cup of tea. Her mother’s kitchen was nothing like as pretty as her own, or as homely and comfortable as her aunt Jean’s, even though Vi had had the kitchen newly fitted out with the very latest gas oven, and a smart metal unit painted cream and green, as well as a brand-new table and four chairs, when the family had moved into the house just a couple of years before the start of the war.
‘Well, you can get some more easily enough from that nursery of yours, without anyone being the wiser, since you run it, can’t you?’ Charlie demanded, without lifting his gaze from the paper he was reading.
‘You may think it acceptable to steal from others, Charlie, but I certainly don’t,’ Bella told him pointedly.
Charlie heaved an irritable sigh. ‘Oh, for God’s sake stop moralising, Bella, just because you’ve become a Goody Two-Shoes. I remember how you persuaded Alan to marry you, even if you’d rather forget.’
Bella wasn’t going to deny that she had tricked her first husband into marrying her. She had been a different person then, a stupid shallow selfish person who had learned the hard way that what she had done was wrong. Alan was dead now and she had been given the chance to make a new life for herself with the man she loved.
‘What I did was wrong, but I’ve paid for my wrongdoing. Unlike you, Charlie.’
Charlie threw down the paper. ‘If you’re referring to that brat you keep insisting is mine, I’ve a good mind to go round and see—’
‘Don’t you dare go anywhere near Lena. She’s happy now, with Gavin, and she doesn’t need you upsetting her,’ Bella interrupted him, realising too late when she saw the look in his eyes that she had said too much and by doing so had created exactly the situation she had wanted to avoid, sparking Charlie’s interest in Lena, instead of protecting her.
‘Who says I’d be upsetting her? She might be glad to see me. She certainly was the last time I saw her.’
Charlie goaded Bella with a leering smile that made Bella fear even more for Lena. Lena had loved Charlie so much. He had broken her heart, and even now she was still so young.
She was worrying over nothing, Bella told herself. Lena had no interest whatsoever in Charlie. She wasn’t in love with him and she didn’t secretly yearn for him. She had told Bella that herself when she had told her how much she loved Gavin. But even so, Bella felt anxious on Lena’s behalf.
‘Do you see much of the old man?’ Charlie asked, judging it wise to change the subject.
‘Nothing at all,’ Bella answered. ‘Nor do I want to. He’s treated Mummy dreadfully. And if you’re thinking of taking your sob story about Daphne to him, Charlie, in the hope that he’ll be as easily taken in and as generous as Mummy has been, I really would advise you not to. Pauline will soon see through you and she certainly won’t let Daddy give you any money.’
Bella was too shrewd by half, Charlie acknowledged.
‘She never had that kid she was supposed to be expecting, did she?’ he asked.
‘No. I think she must have been pretending to be pregnant as a way of making sure that Daddy left Mummy, but once she realised that Mummy wasn’t going to divorce him and that the best she could hope for was to be his mistress, a pregnancy was probably the last thing she wanted.’
‘Hmm, well, I still might as well go and visit the old man, seeing as I’m up here,’ Charlie told Bella, ignoring the look she was giving him. ‘He’s still living out at Neston, I take it?’
‘As far as I know, yes,’ Bella confirmed. She didn’t think for one minute that their father would be as generous towards Charlie as their mother had been, but at least while he drove out to the Wirral she wouldn’t need to worry about him deliberately trying to cause trouble and upset Lena.
‘Thanks for agreeing to come with me to this official do at the American Embassy tonight, Katie, especially at such short notice,’ Gina told Katie gratefully as they sat in the café in Peter Jones in Sloane Square, drinking tea.
Katie smiled at her friend. They had originally met at work and had got on well from the moment Gina had introduced herself. Although she came from a well-to-do county family, there was no edge to Gina.
Gina told Katie ruefully, ‘I dare say I only got the invitation myself because they’re a bit short of females and my name happened to be on one of those dreadful lists of “respectable and acceptable” young women the American top brass seem to insist on.’
They smiled at one another in mutual amusement, two stylish young women anyone observing them would think acceptable anywhere. The camel-coloured coat Gina had on toned perfectly with the fallen leaves outside, her brown beret toning with her hair and matching her well-polished dark brown shoes. She was taller than Katie and her good complexion was her best feature.
Katie was wearing a cherry-red hat trimmed with some feathers from one of her mother’s old stage outfits, with her own grey winter coat, the little hat tilted at a slight angle like the hats on the models in Peter Jones.
‘I wouldn’t go, but one feels it’s one’s duty to represent our own Armed Forces and remind the Americans how proud we are of them. Of course, I wouldn’t
