prevent this from happening to you, try to have realistic expectations of yourself. Being vulnerable is not the same as being inadequate. Take things slowly and give yourself time to learn. With each small success, give yourself a small reward—do something you particularly enjoy, for example. If you know people who are willing to talk honestly about their experiences, open up to them and share stories of your mistakes and embarrassing moments. Experiences that were humiliating at the time can seem funny when you share them with someone you trust. Eat well, exercise, and try to go to bed at a regular time. Above all, be kind to yourself. When you’re kind to yourself, it’s easier to be more generous to others.
Getting stuck at Stage 3: “The Coper”
Now that you’ve read about Stage 1 and Stage 2, you might decide that you’re better off fast forwarding to Stage 3 and be reasonable and “well-adjusted” right from the start. This option might be particularly attractive to you if you’re the kind of person who doesn’t like making a fuss. You’re probably a hard worker and good at coping with most situations. However, jumping ahead to Stage 3 is not often possible and may not even be good for you in the longer term.
Living in another country can be a profound experience, but only if you allow it to affect you deeply. If you choose to avoid the confusion and unhappiness of the earlier stages, you may be cheating yourself. These more difficult feelings often mean that you are allowing your new environment to affect you and that a profound change is taking place. It’s important to remember that these feelings are natural, and for most people, not overwhelming. However, pushing them away not only limits your experience but can affect you in other ways. You may, for example, become physically ill, or suddenly very anxious for no obvious reason.
If this sounds like you, try to stay in touch with your feelings. Make sure that there are times in your day when you’re not busy. Allow yourself to notice what’s happening to you. Consider keeping a journal. Try to open up to people that you trust and remember that you don’t always have to be strong and capable for other people to like you.
Will I be homesick?
Whatever your experience of culture shock, homesickness will probably be a part of it. When you move abroad, it’s natural to miss home at least some of the time. In fact, some research has found that 85–95% of young people who move away from home report feeling homesick. The good news is that for most people, feelings of homesickness are relatively mild. Although you’re more than likely to miss your friends and family at home, you’re unlikely to feel worse as time goes on, or to have too much difficulty managing your daily life.
However, for a small percentage of people (around 6–9%), homesickness can be quite severe and difficult to manage without help. People who are severely homesick think about home most of the time. They may become depressed or angry, and avoid spending time with people around them. They may have these feelings right from the start, and feel even worse as time goes on.
There is no way of knowing for certain why some people become more homesick than others—but there are several known risk factors. To see if you might be one of those affected, try the questionnaire below then read the explanation afterward.
Homesickness Questionnaire
Circle the option a, b, or, c that best describes your response to questions 1–9.
1. How much experience do you have of being away from home for an extended period of time? (i.e. longer than 2 weeks)
a) a lot of experience
b) some experience
c) little or no experience
2. How homesick do you expect to be?
a) very homewsick
b) somewhat homesick
c) not at all homesick
3. How easy do you think it will be for you to make friends?
a) quite easy
b) not sure
c) very difficult
4. How do you usually feel about trying out new things?
a) excited
b) curious
c) worried
5. How organized do you like your life to be?
a) very organized
b) somewhat organized
c) not very organized
6. When you have a problem, how do you normally deal with it?
a) I try to sort it out myself
b) I hope that things will get better
c) I get help
7. When you are upset, how often can you rely on family members for support?
a) always
b) it depends
c) not usually
8. How does your family feel about you studying abroad?
a) excited
b) neutral
c) worried
9. How involved have you been in making decisions about your study abroad?
a) very involved
b) somewhat involved
c) not really involved
Key
1. a = 1, b = 2, c = 3
2. a = 3, b = 1, c = 2
3. a = 1, b = 2, c = 3
4. a = 1, b = 1, c = 3
5. a = 3, b = 1, c = 2
6. a = 1, b = 3, c = 2
7. a = 1, b = 2, c = 3
8. a = 1, b = 2, c = 3
9. a = 1, b = 2, c = 3
How to interpret your score:
If you scored 9–13 in total with no 3s, you’re probably at a low risk of being severely homesick.
If you scored 14–18 in total and one or two 3s, you may have a moderate risk of being severely homesick.
If
