Chapter Eighteen
I looked in the mirror and no longer recognized myself. I hated my life and had thought about taking it.
No one would miss me.
I was a zero.
Nothing.
Zilch.
A Year Ago
I couldn’t believe Jackie had talked me into this. After a bitter divorce, brought about by my husband’s affair five years ago, I swore I’d never date again. But here I was going through profiles on an online dating website. I must be insane! Did I really want a man in my life? I’d been on a couple of blind dates since my divorce and both ended in disaster. The first guy spat spaghetti sauce in my face when he laughed during dinner and the second paid the bill with three different gift cards. If I ever dated a guy again, he’d have to be exceptional.
I sat on the couch with my cat Izzy curled up next to me. I started laughing and Izzy’s head popped up. ‘Sorry, girl. Didn’t mean to scare you but this guy apparently thinks wearing a blue work vest with “May I Help You?” printed on the front is sexy.’ She purred and I scratched her neck. ‘Yeah, I know. No man is better than some man.’ I looked at a few more profiles, including one bare-chested guy wearing a baseball cap with the tagline: Cowboy seeks his cowgirl. Uh, no. Not for me. Nor was the guy whose plan it was to find a ‘good woman and build an empire around her’ or the guy who noted ‘I have a washer and dryer at my house so a first date at the Laundromat is out.’
‘Good God, Izzy, are all men jerks?’
Just when I was about to give up I stumbled upon a profile that seemed normal: EricT. He liked the outdoors and considered himself to be adventurous, spontaneous and fun-loving. He looked handsome. Unlike most of the profiles I’d seen, EricT had a full head of hair and straight teeth. Drats! He lived two hours away. Long-distance relationships rarely work out. And I certainly had no intention of moving.
I’d spent the past five years focusing on my real estate career. I’d regained some of the confidence I’d lost when my ten-year marriage to Scott ended in a firestorm after I caught him cheating.
I was thirty-two when I married Scott. My sorority sisters teased me about being the last one married. Most of them were married before they hit the quarter-century mark, but I wasn’t in a hurry. I didn’t plan on getting married more than once so I wanted to make sure I made the right decision. Turned out it was the wrong one!
I was now forty-seven and while I didn’t need a man to make me happy, I missed the intimacy and companionship.
When Scott and I started to have problems in our marriage, I wondered if things would have been different if I could’ve given him children. But over time I realized he was the problem, not me. I was the one who battled cervical cancer a year after we got married. He should have been there for me instead of rolling between the sheets with what I now believe had been a long list of women. He was a cheat, and I was better off without him.
I sat my laptop on the coffee table and went into the kitchen to make a salad for dinner. I’d been trying to eat healthier. The change of life had knocked on my door, and it had brought unwelcome guests: Weight and High Blood Pressure!
I was loading the dishwasher when my best friend Jackie called.
‘Hey, Jack. I was just going to call you.’
‘Sure, sure.’
‘No, honest. I just finished eating.’
‘Have anything good?’
‘The usual. A—’
‘No, wait! Let me guess. A salad topped with chicken, cucumbers and vinaigrette dressing.’
I
