said.
‘I don’t think you could embarrass yourself,’ he said.
I stared at him. ‘Um, are you kidding me? You do realise I started this date by running away from you because I thought you were a paedophile? And, last week—’
He interrupted me mid-sentence by leaning in and planting his lips on top of mine. I spluttered in surprise before my brain whirred into action and I kissed him back. Lara and Emma were so wrong—my embarrassing stories were seductive.
He stood up from his stool and came closer to me as we kissed. I leant against him and he started rubbing his tongue against mine. I reciprocated to the best of my abilities and put my hands on his face. He grabbed my arse and pulled me in towards him. I gasped out loud at how X-rated things were getting, but JT seemed to interpret it as a sound of pleasure and started snogging me at double the speed.
I held on to the bar to steady myself, and out of the corner of my eye, I saw the barman shake his head in disgust. The British prude inside of me tried to break away, but JT pulled me in closer towards him and squeezed my boob.
‘You’re so sexy,’ he murmured in my ear. ‘I’m just going to go to the bathroom and then I’m taking you home with me.’
I nodded mutely and he winked at me before turning around and walking away. I let out the breath I hadn’t realised I was holding in. This was it. I was going to have my first ever one-night stand.
‘Excuse me,’ said the barman.
‘Oh, I don’t want another drink,’ I said. ‘Thanks, but we’re off now.’
He raised his eyebrows at me. ‘I was actually going to say, I think you have something on your face.’
I stared at him in confusion and then reached out to touch my face. It was damp. Oh, how embarrassing, it must be saliva, but … how could he see that? I lowered my hand and squinted at it in the purple UV light. It was covered in a dark liquid.
WHAT THE FUCK WAS ON MY FACE?
I stood up and rushed towards the mirrored walls of the bar. My entire left cheek, and parts of my forehead, were covered in this brown liquid. Had I rubbed against some paint? Was it red wine?!
I whirled around to look at the barman again. He was hiding a grin. ‘I think it might be blood,’ he said.
Blood?! Why was my face bleeding?? Then it slowly dawned on me. It wasn’t my blood. It was JT’s. He had nose-bled on my face.
My hands jumped to cover my face instinctively and I ran blindly towards the loos. I pushed past the queue of surprised girls and raced to the mirror. Under the bright yellow lights I could see my face was covered in blood. I looked like a Halloween midwife.
I turned the taps on full and began washing it off my face. It slid off along with half my make-up. After furiously scrubbing at my skin with paper towels, I was blood free. Thank God.
Then I realised I had to go back outside to JT. God, I couldn’t go home with him now—I couldn’t even face him. What were you supposed to say to the guy who nose-bled on you mid-snog? Had he known all along that he was bleeding on me? Or did he realise only when he went to the loo? Surely he had seen it on my face—why the fuck hadn’t he told me??
I couldn’t deal with this right now. It was just too embarrassing. Maybe I could just hide out in the loo stall for a few minutes, and once JT had got the message and left, I could go home. I glanced over to the loo cubicle but then as the main bathroom door swung open, I saw the inside of the bar. I could vaguely make out JT skulking in a corner. I ran straight into the nearest cubicle and slammed the door shut.
‘Hello? Lady?’
I jumped in alarm. I was sitting on a toilet seat with my head in between my legs and there was someone banging on the cubicle door. Oh my God, JT. The blood. I was hiding in the loo. Had I been here all night?!
I cautiously unbolted the loo door and peered out. The toilet attendant had her hands on her hips and looked seriously pissed off.
‘You’ve been in there twenty minutes, lady. We have a no drugs policy. I’ve called the manager.’
Drugs?? Surely I could have just had a bad stomach? I looked around the loos and realised there was still a queue of girls. The bar hadn’t closed and JT could still be outside waiting for me. The bathroom door opened and the barman from earlier was standing there.
‘You again.’ He grinned.
‘I wasn’t doing drugs, I promise. I … fell asleep on the loo.’
He hid a smile and I realised he was kind of attractive. Even though he was only about an inch taller than me, he had an impressively symmetrical face, three-day stubble and short blond dreadlocks.
‘Was that after you were cleaning blood off your face?’ he asked.
I briefly closed my eyes. Did he really have to remind me of the humiliation?
‘Anyway,’ he said. ‘You know your boyfriend’s been waiting for you this entire time out there?’
‘Oh fuck, is he still there?’ I cried out. ‘I thought he’d have gone by now.’
He raised an eyebrow at me. ‘You’re hiding from your boyfriend?’
‘Oh, you know he’s not my boyfriend,’ I snapped at him. ‘He’s my first ever online date, and after he nose-bled on me, I didn’t fancy seeing him again.’
‘Oh, obviously,’ he said. ‘That’s how all my dates go too.’
I was about to snap at him again when I noticed he was grinning at me. ‘Yeah, this hasn’t been one of my best.’
‘Hey, how about I help you sneak out of here without seeing your guy?’ he offered.
‘Ohmigod, would you really? I would literally love you for life.’
‘OK, calm down,’ he said. ‘Just … follow me.’
I followed him out of the toilets and through a door marked ‘Private’. We walked up the stairs and then found ourselves outside. I breathed a sigh of relief.
‘Thanks so much.’
‘Hey, don’t mention it.’ He shrugged. ‘You’ve drastically improved my night on the comedy scales anyway.’
‘Hopefully I’ll find it as funny tomorrow. So what’s your name?’
‘Pete.’ He grinned. ‘And the damsel in distress?’
I looked at him blankly. ‘Ohhh, right. Ellie. I’m Ellie.’
‘Nice to meet you, Ellie,’ he said. ‘Well, get home safe, and feel free to bring any more of your online dates here. I’ll help you out with an escape route whenever you need one.’
‘Wait, really? Because that would be kind of incredible.’
He laughed. ‘Let’s do it. This can be your regular bar
