the field where some of the guys were still training, and ran a hand through his short hair. “You ever think about getting back up again?”
It had been a long time for her, a dream she’d long since given up, and now she was a mom she was way more cautious than she’d once been. The allure of the polo field now was more about watching than actually doing. And besides, that fall had almost broken her. It had taken everything away from her; her dreams, her future. And Ben.
“Maybe,” she lied. Or maybe it wasn’t a lie. Being back here was giving her all sorts of mixed emotions, making her question everything. “It’s not something I’ve really thought about, to be honest.”
Ben turned to her then and reached out a hand, touching her arm so lightly she almost wondered if she was imagining it.
“It’s great to have you here, Bec.”
She struggled for words, her skin tingling where he’d touched her. They’d been best friends for years, before one night had changed everything, and now she could hardly look at him without thinking about the fact she’d seen him naked. And how darn good he’d looked.
“It feels good being back here.” She hardly trusted her voice.
He started to walk and she followed his lead, his long legs eating up the ground.
“There’s something about this place, Bec. It’s good for the soul.”
He stopped then, turning to face her, pulling her hands into his and holding them tight. He studied her with such intensity she didn’t know where to look or what to say.
“I’m sorry, Bec, for expecting you to stay in touch after what happened, for leaving you in the first place,” he said, his voice low. “I never stopped thinking about you, but it all just got so complicated. So much for best friends, huh?”
Until we ruined it. They were the unspoken words hanging between them.
Bec gulped, her eyes burning with tears. Their friendship? Was that all he wanted from her? Lexie’s beautiful little face flashed before her and she almost told him, so wanted to tell him that he was the father of her beautiful daughter, but she didn’t. Couldn’t yet, even though she knew she had to. Because she also knew that he never wanted children—he’d told her since they were in high school that he wasn’t ever going to be a dad after what he’d been through—and she knew nothing would ever change his mind. But she couldn’t deny him the chance, couldn’t keep this from him any longer.
“I’ve missed you, Ben. But things change, and I guess we just grew apart, right?”
“Maybe we should have both stuck to our plan. Gone to the UK together and both played.”
“It would have been good, huh?” Only the reality was that Ben had been picked up by a team in Argentina, and she hadn’t, and instead of telling him the truth, she’d made out like she couldn’t leave her family. That it wasn’t what she wanted. Maybe if he’d asked her to go as more than friends, maybe if her confidence hadn’t been shattered after the fall and she’d not been such a mess over everything. Maybe then things could or would have been different.
His eyes were as sad as hers as he watched her. “Come on, let’s show you around. There’s something I want you to see.”
Her eyebrows dragged together as he turned and started to walk again, tugging her along with him.
“Well, more like Gus wants you to see it. Just come and take a look.”
Her curiosity was piqued, and she hurried to keep up with him. Make her hair longer, she thought, take away the soft crinkles around his eyes and they could have gone back five or so years. To a time when everything had seemed possible, when they were both in charge of their own destinies, before fate and life had intervened. Before she’d fallen pregnant to a man she’d loved with all her heart, and instead of asking him to stay behind because she loved him, she’d let him go. She couldn’t help but wonder if he would have left and not come home, had she told him how she really felt. If she’d called him and told him that she was pregnant. But then deep down she knew the answer to that.
Ben would never have left her, not if he knew how she felt, if he knew that she was carrying his baby. And that was precisely why she’d lied, told him they’d made a mistake that night, that they were better as friends. Because she didn’t believe in clipping the wings of a bird to keep it at home, and Ben had been like an eagle ready to soar through the sky. And she never wanted to be responsible for ruining Ben’s life, and seeing him repeat the same mistakes his mother had.
“SHE’S BEAUTIFUL.”
Rebecca ran her eyes over every inch of the horse. It wasn’t hard to act interested—the filly was one of the most beautiful animals she had ever seen. Endless black legs, four white socks and a silky long tail. Her face was framed by a wide white blaze, stretching all the way to her nostrils; dark brown eyes like pools of trust, following every movement she and Ben made.
He didn’t say anything, just watched the horse, arms slung over the corral fence, one foot resting on the lowest tread of timber.
“So, what’s the deal with her?”
Ben shrugged, broad shoulders moving under his shirt. She was glad to have the distraction of the horse, because she was finding it almost impossible not to stare at him.
“She’s had all the guys on, doesn’t seem to like them.”
“How about you?” Rebecca asked. “Does she like you?”
He laughed. “Nope, not particularly.”
They looked at one another. They were both thinking the same thing, Rebecca could tell by the look in his eyes. There had always been the odd horse that had worked better for one of them or the other, it was about personalities, the rider clicking with beast. But there had been one very special mare who’d only ever worked for Rebecca, to the point where Gus had decided the horse was useless for anyone else, and had given her over to Bec. It had all worked well, her dream come true to own such an amazing mare, until the accident. She’d lost her nerve, and her will to ride, and her beautiful mare had lost her life. The memory flash made her skin prickle. And then she’d lost her best friend, all in the course of a couple of months, as well as her dreams of making it big in the polo world. She’d never gotten over that period in her life, had always just pushed it from her mind, but her pain was still raw.
Ben let out a big breath of air and gave her a smile—a slow rise of his mouth, followed by a gentle wink. It was as if he had put his arm around her, comforted her, just by looking at her. No one else had ever made her feel quite like Ben could. Embraced, comforted, cared for, all in a single look. Pity it had taken her so many years to figure out that she was in love with him. When they’d finally taken that step, he was gone, and then she went from losing a friend to nursing a broken heart. Ben had never said anything, never told her that he thought of her as any more than a friend, and so she’d just kept her mouth shut and let him get on with his life.
“So what do you think?”
Rebecca raised her eyes. What did she think? Her mind was racing, took her a moment to remember what they were even talking about. And then she glanced at the filly before them.
