a short time, I met many different new people, always good and kind to me and Barbara, they must really like me, even though I donât know them at all.
When youâre little, adults always think that many things go unnoticed or stay apparently insignificant, but actually a child is like a sponge, it absorbs everything, sometimes even subconsciously. All the perceived information and intuitions get pieced together, adding up to a mosaic which is almost never going to be truly completed.
What you donât expectâ¦
Playing in the town with the other kids, I often realize Iâm somewhat too protected, as if I was living in a surreal world. Oswald and Waltraud seem more at home, theyâre more accepted by the others, I feel a bit different, like a beloved guest.
A couple of days ago, while we were in the street discussing rules on how to play or setting down a plan, I and Oswald mentioned âBarbara, our mumâ.
One of the others randomly pops up and almost mockingly says:
âWhat are you talking about, sheâs not your mother.â
At first I didnât register that sentence, I thought he was joking. Maybe he didnât mean to be nasty, children often unwillingly say the truth, he may have simply wanted to correct me.
I pretended to play along, as if I already knew, as if it had always been clear to me. Oswald got annoyed and after a while we went back home, it was late for dinner as well, the sun had long set.
Sometimes, when Iâm sad and feeling down, and to be honest that doesnât happen very often, but when it does I become even more sensitive and insecure.
So I look for mamma Barbaraâs affection, and trying not to be too direct, I ask her:
âYou love me mum, right? Youâre my only mother, I donât
have any other mums, do I? I want to stay with you
whatever happens.â
âYes, I love you too sweetheart, we all love you here, donât
worry, I wonât send you away for sure.â
To me Barbara is my mum, sheâs even more than a mum, all my family here, my places, all the kids that have shared this âfamilyâ of ours with me. Now theyâve all left, Iâve been here forever, with Oswald and Waltraud, I hope Iâll be able to remain here for a very long time.
I now live with the fact that probably Iâm not Karl and Barbaraâs natural son, they could have adopted me, or I may have been left in their care like the others, who knows?
And who knows where my natural parents are, who they are⦠Actually, I donât want to know, this is my family, end of the story.
I perceived hints every now and then, Iâm lost in a crowd of questions but I donât lose heart, I try to behave as if nothing happened. All my familyâs love helps me not to think about it.
Almost every Sunday we all go on the Alpe di Siusi1 with Karlâs car, a yellow Opel Kadett, it looks like a flan, even more so when the engine bonnetâs warm and it really feels like itâs just out of the oven.
The Alpe di Siusi is beautiful, I like the Haflinger horses with their white mane, and seeing the cows and horses in the wild gives me a sense of freedom. Horses are my favourite animals, with their melancholy eyes. It feels good to see them having fun on the mountain in the summer, after all itâs sort of their holiday.
Here itâs full of nice cabins and huts, fields and hills, endless rises and slopes, we can see the Sciliarâs Santner peak, weâre about five thousand feet above sea level.
We go on long walks from one cabin to another. Karl often meets people he knows and friends with whom he stops to chat.
I, Waltraud and mamma Barbara sit on the grass for an afternoon snack, Oswald smells the cheese and the salamis and joins us.
What surprises me about the Alpe di Siusi are the many bends you need to go through to get here, but in the end the prize is worth it. You get on the plateau and it looks like thereâs a green carpet everywhere, with a thin, healthy air, you feel like you could fly.
3 TN: Italian name of the Seiser Alm.
Back home from our trip, after a whole day in the outdoors, a quick dinner and then to bed, at least for me. Karl and Barbara watch some TV, Oswald and Waltraud finish their school homework. Luckily I donât have to go to school yet, I wouldnât like to stay closed in a room for hours with an artificial light on my head. But in a couple of year itâll be my turn as well.
In the night a loud siren wakes us up, and I donât mean a fish woman, wooooooooo woooooooo woooooooo, it goes on and on, it must be 2 in the morning.
Itâs the firefightersâ siren, we all go on the balcony to see if we can find anything in the dark of the night.
Thereâs an acrid smell in the air, a fine soot is floating in the air, dancing and settling right in front of us, on the balconyâs railings.
The fire is close, very close, too close, we can feel the heatwave. Looking left, we see the extremely tall flames rising almost to the sky, mercilessly and glowingly burning down the wood, I can hear the beams creaking and cracking like bones.
Itâs our barn thatâs getting incinerated, the firefightersâ wailing sirens and flashing lights come to our aid, roads all around the valley get coloured in blue, yellow and red.
Itâs almost like a pinball, or a club with multicoloured lights, our greatest concern is to save the cattle in the adjacent stable from the flames.
The stable and the animals are how we earn our bread, theyâre how we make a living, without them weâre finished.
Luckily it starts to rain hard, itâs like a divine help from heaven, at least people are not in danger.
I get so anxious looking at all those blue lights come to help us, I get emotional, I look at our faces and I canât hold my tears.
At first glance, it could look like a spectacle in nature, like the eruption of a volcano in the deepest of the night. I, Barbara and Waltraud stay at home, Karl and Oswald go with the firefighters to see the state of whatâs left and examine whatâs happened.
After a few hours, the fireâs put out, but thereâs a persistent, unforgettable smell penetrating into the house, even though we made sure to shut everything. Poor Karl, after so many sacrifices it must be sad for him to see part of his work go up in smoke in less than an hour. Theyâve come back inside in the morning, so they can rest a little and recover from the shock, luckily I managed
