Fern Britton 3-Book Collection: The Holiday Home, A Seaside Affair, A Good Catch. Fern Britton

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Em joined year nine, last autumn, I thought I’d help out with the PTA. I’m good at organising and it’s a nice way to make friends. Frankie is a brilliant committee member. Organised and generous with his time. A lovely man.’

      ‘When you say “Frankie”, you are referring to Francis?’ Dorothy queried.

      ‘Oh, sorry – yes. It’s a name I started calling him and now a lot of the committee do too. I think it annoys him a bit.’

      Dorothy raised her eyebrows. ‘Surely not?’

      ‘It’s my little joke. Anyway, he and I have got really friendly and when he told me he was coming down here for the summer and that there were cottages to rent next door, I thought, why not? Em deserves a break. I spoke to Big Ben yesterday and it looks as though we can stay right through August; he’s had a late cancellation and has reduced the rent down to almost nothing.’

      Belinda drained her coffee cup and placed it on the tray. ‘Which is great, because it means I can get stuck in helping Abi with her party. Which reminds me, I’m going into Trevay to have a look for party inspiration round the shops. Is there anything I can get for you while I’m there?’

      ‘If you’re sure you don’t mind, there were a few items – I made out a list earlier. It’s in the kitchen.’ She stood and, picking up the tray, headed for the kitchen. Belinda fell in behind her.

      Dorothy put the tray down on the spotless work surface and found her glasses, pen and notepad. After adding Shortbread biscuits x2 to the list, she passed it to Belinda. ‘Now then, where did I put my purse …’

      ‘Don’t worry, we’ll settle up when I get back.’

      ‘Thank you, Belinda. That really is most kind. You’ve certainly saved me a trip. Now, let’s find Emily and Henry.’

      The Lawyer, Lawyer board and pieces were all laid out on the conservatory table, with Henry and Emily hunched over it. Emily was placing a black cap on her head while reading from a card: ‘You shall be taken from this place and hanged by the neck.’

      Henry’s laugh rumbled from his chest. ‘Hold on, I only got a parking ticket!’

      Emily started to giggle too. ‘It’s the sentence card. I can’t help picking it up. It was at the top of the pile.’

      Henry spotted Dorothy and Belinda by the door. ‘Well, the law is an ass. We all know that to be true.’

      ‘Come on, Em. We’ve got things to do,’ said Belinda, holding out her hand.

      Emily put the card and black cap down reluctantly. ‘Can we play again, Poppa?’ she asked Henry.

      ‘Oh, rather. You just come right over, any time you like.’

       20

      As they watched Belinda’s car disappear down the lane, Dorothy found the spare set of keys to Atlantic House.

      ‘Come on, Henry – we’re going to check on the roofer and take a look at what they’ve been up to next door.’

      The moment they unlocked the door, the smell of fresh polish and washing powder hit them with a pleasing strength. They wandered from room to room, Henry checking that the television was still working and that the woodwork was being rubbed down and properly prepared for painting. Dorothy went into every corner, trying to spot anything that had been missed by duster or vacuum. When the downstairs passed the inspection with flying colours, she made her way upstairs. The curtains in one of the bedrooms were missing, still at the cleaners, but the carpets were newly shampooed and pristine.

      Dorothy checked her old en-suite bathroom, now used by Pru and Francis. The basin tap was dripping.

      ‘Henry?’ she called. ‘Has that bloody plumber finished? Only the tap is still dripping up here.’

      Henry’s muffled voice came from somewhere downstairs, possibly outside. She caught the words ‘boiler’ and ‘leak’ and ‘damn cowboy’ and went to find him.

      He wasn’t in the kitchen, but the back door was open. As she walked through it and out into the garden, she found him coming out of the top cellar that led down to the cave.

      ‘That useless bugger! Look in here.’ He went back through the old fortified door and she followed.

      ‘Oh my God!’ she said. The floor was six inches deep in water.

      ‘Quite. That stupid idiot hasn’t tightened the joints on the piping. Well, I hope he’s not expecting to be paid for this.’

      They heard the sound of whistling outside. Henry moved faster than a man half his age.

      ‘That’s the bugger now! Let me deal with him.’

      Merlin took Henry’s furious rant with annoying calm, rolling a leisurely cigarette all the while. When Henry had run out of steam, Merlin lit up and asked, ‘What would you like me to do to make it all better?’

      Henry returned to the boil again. ‘It’s bloody obvious, isn’t it?’

      ‘Righto, Mr Carew, I’ll see to it directly. I’ll have to turn the water off at the mains for now. Then I’ll be back Monday.’

      Henry stood aghast at the brass neck of the man. ‘Monday? It’s Wednesday today. We can’t go without water for that long!’

      ‘Ah, but I’m a busy man. Got a job on at Higher Barton, see.’

      ‘Buggering up their plumbing too?’ blasted Henry. ‘In that case, I’ll get a proper plumber in to sort this out. Don’t bother sending me any bills as I shan’t be paying them.’

      Dorothy, worried that they might not be able to find a plumber, stepped in. ‘Merlin, please. Whatever it costs, do it today.’

      ‘Well, now, that’ll be double time and cancellation of my other job, so …’

      ‘I’ll give you two hundred in cash, provided it’s done by tonight.’ Dorothy held her hand out for Merlin to shake.

      He hesitated for a second then took her hand. ‘You drive a hard bargain, Mrs Carew.’

      Henry walked away before he blew his top at his wife’s profligate waste of money.

      Dorothy continued: ‘I see your friend hasn’t repaired the tiles on the roof.’

      ‘He’ll be here directly, and he’ll do a proper job up there. Just one or two bits to tidy up in the attic. I was going to attend to them today, but I can do them next week an’ all. OK?’

      Not waiting for an answer, Merlin jumped athletically into the cab of his van and drove off as if he hadn’t a care in the world.

      Dorothy turned to Henry, who was staring in horrified fascination at the retreating van, and said soothingly, ‘Now then, I’m taking you out to the pub for lunch. You could do with a drink.’

      *

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