have known better than to mention it to my ever-loving husband Mike. ‘More like a prelude to a nightmare,’ he quipped, ‘with this gaggle of little monsters around. Look at them. If this level of mania is anything to go by, heaven help us when we get to the actual day!’
I knew, what with the house full of grandkids and mayhem, that he was probably only half-joking. He had a point, too. I winced as I watched Marley Mae, who was deep in the realm of the terrible twos now, almost collide with the Christmas tree. And for the umpteenth time today, while the film I’d put on (in the vain hope of keeping Riley’s three occupied) blared to itself in the corner. Much as I loved Arnie Schwarzenegger – the film was Jingle All the Way – I could barely hear myself think.
‘Shut up, you old Grinch,’ I told Mike. ‘You know you love it really. And how can you say such a thing? Bless them,’ I added, scooping Marley Mae into my arms. ‘You’re not a monster. You’re our little princess, aren’t you?’
It was a phrase that would very soon come to haunt me.
We’d had the luxury (in a manner of speaking, since it had been a pretty hectic time) of taking a few months off from fostering. After seeing our last foster child, Flip, off to her forever home the previous spring, we’d decided to take a bit of a break. With our Kieron and his partner Lauren having given us our fourth grandchild, Dee Dee, we’d taken the decision to devote some time to just being there for them. With Kieron’s Asperger’s (which is a mild form of autism), we’d been all too aware that they could really use the extra support. So, apart from Tyler, our permanent foster child, and very much now part of the family, we’d only accepted a couple of short-term emergency placements. We’d had a singular lad called Connor, veteran of the care system, for a brief but intense period, and a misunderstood five-year-old called Paulie, who’d been rejected by his mother and stepfather, and who was now settled with a long-term foster family.
Both had proved to us – if proof were needed – that you couldn’t fix everything for every child; sometimes you could only help smooth the transition from one kind of life to the next. Life was different for us too now – keeping Tyler had changed everything. With the fostering we did at present, we had to keep his needs always in mind.
It had been a happy time. And at the centre of it was the joy of being grandparents. That and the gratitude – Mike and I counted our blessings daily. And not least because Dee Dee had proved to be an amazingly easy baby – and Kieron and Lauren, despite the usual wobbles, very natural parents. I could still find myself welling up whenever I thought about it; just how lucky we’d all been that our anxious, fretful son had met, in Lauren, such a perfect and loving soulmate.
Today, then, was all about the simple joys of family, and as I beavered away in the kitchen, putting pans on and keeping an eye on my roast potatoes, that was what was very much on my mind. So when I saw a car pull up and soon after disgorge our fostering link worker, John Fulshaw, I found myself smiling. Trust him to be working on a Sunday. And how nice it would be to welcome him in – perhaps I’d even be able to persuade him to have a festive glass of sherry.
John always appeared at some point in the run-up to Christmas. It was one of his traditions to ‘do the rounds’ at this time of year, bestowing all his foster families with a poinsettia. ‘All the way from sunny San Diego!’ he’d always remind us as he handed it over, San Diego apparently being the poinsettia capital of the world.
There was sun for us too that particular Sunday. Sun, and the sort of frosty air that promised ice tonight, if not snow. But as I watched John walk up the path, there was no pot plant in his hand, just his usual battered briefcase. And, worryingly, no seasonal smile on his face, either. Just a deeply etched frown. I could see it clearly, even in the gathering December dusk.
I dried my hands and went out into the hallway. No poinsettia for me today, I thought, glancing down at the place I usually reserved for it – at the back of the hall table where it was generally safe from little hands.
‘Can you keep an eye on the veg for me? We’ve got a visitor,’ I called to Riley. She was still playing lion tamer in the living room with Mike, Kieron and Lauren, till Tyler returned from an outing with his half-brother, Grant, when he would assume his role as chief entertainer of the little ones till we ate.
I opened the door just as John was reaching for the knocker. Nope, it was a definite. There was no pretty red plant behind his back. ‘Come in, come in,’ I said, gesturing with my hand. ‘You look half-frozen.’
He put his case down just inside the door and rubbed his hands together. ‘Brrr,’ he said. ‘Too right. It’s really cold out there today.’
I agreed, and hurried to help him off with his coat. But I could already see he was somewhat distracted. ‘What’s up, John?’ I asked him as I threw it on top of the pile over the newel post.
He sighed. ‘I’m so sorry,’ he said, glancing towards the living room. ‘This is not the best time is it? I did call, but …’ He gestured towards the cacophony. ‘But thought I’d try popping over, since I was out and about anyway. I was hoping you and Mike could help us out.’
By ‘us’, I immediately knew he meant the fostering team. Christmas was always a stressful time of year for them, for all the usual, depressing reasons. Family flare-ups, often compounded by the stresses of the festive season. And compounded too by the fact that – for the same festive reasons – foster carers were temporarily thin on the ground. Sad though it was, it was part and parcel of the job. He must need us to take a child in. That much was immediately evident. Not a poinsettia, but a child – most likely one in distress. And it must be urgent for him to turn up after only trying to call once. He knew what I was like, and how often I mislaid my mobile.
‘If we can, you know we will,’ I immediately reassured him. ‘But hang on – let me grab Mike and get the little ones out of the way, so we can have somewhere quiet to talk.’
Which was easier said than done, obviously, given the size of the house and the number of people currently in it. But in the end I set Riley and Lauren to work in the kitchen, minding the dinner, while Mike, Kieron and David minded the children in the living room, leaving us the conservatory – the only room in the house not yet festooned with fairy lights, which, given John’s grim expression, seemed the most appropriate.
‘I’m so sorry,’ he said again as we went in.
I have seen and heard an awful lot in my fostering career, some of it the sort of thing I wished I hadn’t had to. The sort of thing that, once seen and heard, you couldn’t un-see or un-hear; testament to the reality that the world could be a cruel, ugly place. And you get a sixth sense, when you’ve worked with someone as long as Mike and I had with John. Seeing his expression as he sat down in one of the two wicker armchairs, I realised this might just be one such occasion.
‘We are desperate,’ John began, ‘or I wouldn’t have come to you. I know how much Christmas means to you, and particularly this Christmas. But the truth is that I don’t have anywhere else to turn.’
Nowhere else to turn. The kind of statement that’s almost a cliché. Not to mention one I’d heard before, as it’s a bit of a theme in fostering. And sadly, when a link worker or social worker says it, it’s usually the literal truth.
Riley popped her head round the door. ‘I’ve made some coffees. You both want one?’
We both nodded and she smiled John a hello. She knew the potential score. She and David fostered too these days, though, sensibly, with three little ones on their hands, they only did it intermittently, to provide respite for full-time foster carers.
I
