apron. They too were just men. And men were weak. They just couldn’t help themselves.
She had run off after she’d heard them laugh at Al’s words, not wanting to hear more. But they were just words and words did not hurt as much as blows. Just as well to ignore the reason for their laughter. They were farm hands. She was the boss around here and she had to act like it. Keep her distance. Not be yearning for human company or human contact. She’d allowed herself to want those things before and look where it had gotten her. Bruised and battered and almost broken.
Never again.
She took a deep breath and tucked her hair beneath her scarf. Time to see if they were serious about working. The hog pen needed a real good muck-out and no man dallying with ideas of swindling would stick around to get covered in pig poop.
She opened the door and stepped out into the afternoon. Laugh at her would they? This time, the laugh would be on them.
Grace walked across the yard, past the barn and towards the pig pen. The two cowboys stood there, waiting.
“What’s the matter?” Grace surprised them. “Ain’t you never seen a hog before?”
“Sure, Mrs Holbein. Seen plenty.” Matt gave her that lop-sided grin again. Heat rushed through her body, warming her insides and turning her legs to jelly. How did he do that? The unfamiliar sensations unnerved her. Confused her. She wasn’t sure that she liked it at all.
She walked closer to the pen and placed her hands on the fencing. She needed to hold onto something. She dug her trembling hands into the sun-warmed wood.
“Then what is it?”
“These beasts are mighty big, ma’am. You breed ’em yourself?”
Grace shook her head. “Not me, no. My…Mr Holbein. He prided himself on creating a bigger and stronger breed than he’d ever seen before.”
“They…uh…aggressive?” Blake asked.
Grace stared at the hogs. They could be. Sometimes. But at others they were as calm and light-hearted as new-born lambs. Funny how men and beasts could change at the pull of a trigger. Just like Jack. She shivered and pulled her shawl around her shoulders in spite of the warmth of the autumn afternoon.
“Just take care when you get in with them. Shoo them over to the far side then push them into the smaller pen. You gotta show ’em who’s boss! Then you can get on with mucking out.” She offered a thin smile.
“Sure thing, ma’am,” Matt replied. He looked at the pen then at Blake. “We’re gonna get covered in shi…in muck.”
Blake wrinkled his nose. “Stinks to the heavens.”
Grace realised why they were hesitating. They probably only had the one set of clothes and didn’t fancy getting them dirty. Pig dirty.
“If you don’t mind, ma’am, we’re gonna remove a few garments. Spare the washing.”
Grace didn’t trust herself to speak. Remove their clothes…in her yard…in the daytime?
Her heart thundered like a steam train as she watched them take off their shirts then remove their trousers. When they stood before her in their union suits and boots, she managed to shut her mouth. She should walk away, leave them to it. She knew that. So why couldn’t she move her feet?
Her eyes were drawn by an irresistible force to their groins. Like a wanton, she sought out the tell-tale bulges of their manhood and wondered how they would appear naked.
She had been alone too long. But she had never seen a man other than Jack undressed before. And every time he had divested himself of his garments, she had retreated into herself, shivered with terror. She had known what came next. But this…it was different. She was not in the direct path of danger. These men were merely removing their clothing to clean out the hogs. So, it gave her a sense of unwonted freedom to sneak a peek at them. To satisfy her curiosity. And even in their union suits, they were pleasing to regard.
“Come on then, Blake! Let’s get this done.” Matt took hold of a broom that Grace had left near the pen and opened the gate. Once Blake had followed him in, he closed it behind them.
They padded gingerly across the space, trying not to slip in the manure and rotting vegetation.
“I’ll let you guys get on then. I’ve a lot to do,” Grace called to them as she forced herself to walk away. She wanted to stay and watch them, to see how they dealt with the hogs. And…just to watch them.
She was lonely. Even though they were strangers, even though they’d just arrived and she had no idea how long they would stay, it was good just to have folks around. She’d been alone for so long. Of course, it hadn’t been two months since she’d buried Jack, but even when he’d been around, she had always been alone.
Seeing Matt and Blake, their masculine presence around the small farm, lifted her. In spite of her fear and suspicion of every other human being that crossed her path, she was gladdened that they had arrived today. She couldn’t quite understand it, but it raised her spirits higher than they had been in a long time. The young men were so full of life. They were so cheerful, so real. It had been a long time since Grace had felt real. Or alive. She just went through the motions every day. She got up early, did her chores, worked all day, ate what food she could force down then collapsed into bed at night before going through the same routine again.
She didn’t live. She existed. And being around other people made that painfully clear to her.
Jack had caused a lot of damage. She had stayed, so she could not blame him entirely. But marriage was meant to be until death. She had taken her vows seriously. To her own detriment. And where would she have gone if she had left him?
Now she was finally free. And she had no idea what the hell she was going to do next.
****
“Mrs Holbein?”
Grace looked up from the chicken she was plucking on the small pine table. The cabin door swung slowly open.
“Mrs Holbein?”
She wiped her hands on her apron and walked through the small living space to the open door. She poked her head out into the twilight.
“Evening, ma’am.” It was Blake.
“Mr Donohue!” Grace exclaimed, lifting a hand to shield her nose. She eyed him from above her fingers. He was brown from head to toe.
“Excuse the stench, ma’am.” He hung his head. “We uh…it didn’t go too well.”
Grace lowered her hand. “The hogs?” The animals were valuable and she couldn’t afford to lose them. She’d fatten the older piglets over the winter then sell some of them on in the spring. It would keep her going through the following year. Some she would slaughter…well, maybe only one this year as it was just her.
But to lose them would be a travesty. It was a loss she couldn’t
