bags. ‘Let me,’ Joseph said. ‘I can carry at least one of them home for you.’
She didn’t want him to, didn’t want him anywhere near her, but thought it might be more embarrassing to fall flat on her face in the Main Street of Donegal Town. She gave a brief nod of her head and Joseph picked up the larger and heavier of the two bags and linked his other arm through hers and she was unsteady enough to feel a little grateful.
‘I suppose you’re glad about all this?’ Norah said as they walked along the road.
Joseph was ecstatic, but he knew Norah didn’t want to hear that and so he chose his words with care. ‘I would be lying if I didn’t say that I am happy that you are not going to disappear to America, but I know how much it meant to you and I hate to see you so upset. If I can help in any way just ask.’
Joseph’s words made Norah feel quite humble for she knew how distressed Joseph had been when she had thrown him over and so she said, ‘You are a much nicer person than me, Joseph O’Leary, for I know I hurt you badly and really thought you might hate me now.’
Joseph shook his head. ‘I couldn’t hate you,’ he said. He gave a sigh and went on, ‘You didn’t want to hear this at the time and possibly don’t want to hear it now but I will say it anyway, and that is that I love you, Norah. I can’t really remember a time when I didn’t love you and you don’t stop loving a person because they don’t feel the same way and you can’t turn it off like a tap when that relationship is over.’
Norah was nearly reduced to tears again then, not for herself this time but for Joseph, who she realised loved her with a deep abiding love and she had taken him so much for granted. ‘I’m sorry, Joseph,’ she said. ‘I never knew you felt that strongly.’
‘You would never let me tell you,’ Joseph said.
‘Yes because I didn’t want you to feel that way with my heart set on going to America.’
‘I know,’ Joseph said quietly. ‘At least, I didn’t know it all at first. I mean you were always talking about America and I knew you had a hankering for it, but I thought it was just a fantasy, especially when you agreed to walk out with me.’
‘That was unkind,’ Norah admitted. ‘And it was Celia said I had to be straight with you and I was and it hurt you.’
Joseph didn’t deny it, but he did say, ‘I had to know sooner or later and whenever you would have told me it would have hurt.’
They reached the head of the lane to the farm. ‘I’ll leave you here,’ Joseph said. ‘You will have to speak with your parents and they’ll not want spectators.’
‘Goodbye, Joseph.’
‘Goodbye, Norah.’ Joseph drew her gently into his arms. There was nothing sexual in the gesture and Norah submitted to it and reflected on what a good and selfless man Joseph was and it was a pity she couldn’t bring herself to love him as he loved her.
It was as she reached the door of the farmhouse that she realised she had forgotten half the things her mother wanted and she supposed she would get into trouble for it but that mattered less than finding out whether what Joseph had told her was true or not. And it was and the only thing Peggy was concerned about was her being told in that way. Norah ranted and raved to no avail and Peggy just waited without saying a word until she was done.
‘You can’t do this to me,’ she cried in anguish in a husky voice where tears still lurked.
‘We can and we have.’
‘But, Mammy, it’s not fair,’ Norah said. ‘You promised when I was twenty-one I could go. Celia is only just eighteen and she never had a yen to go to America and I had and—’
Peggy suddenly lost patience with Norah and she said sharply, cutting her off, ‘It’s about time you grew up. When you get as old as I am you’ll realise that life is seldom fair, that circumstances change things and that is what has happened here. So despite what I promised you, and regardless of what Celia likes or doesn’t like, she needs to go to America and you do not and that’s what will happen and whatever temper or tantrum you get into it will not change the outcome one bit. And what’s more that is my last word on the subject.’
‘But, Mammy—’
‘I said that was my last word on the subject, Norah.’
‘Daddy—’ Norah began hopefully.
‘Your father will feel the same as me,’ Peggy said. ‘It was his ultimate decision. He has no desire to keep Celia locked up for the rest of her natural life.’
And Norah realised then there would be no America for her. Knowing it was hopeless she did appeal to her father but he just said the decision was final and refused to discuss it at all.
Now the news was out, the rest of the family were told as they sat round the table having their evening meal and Celia looked at her father as if she couldn’t believe her ears. She felt shocked to the core and suddenly very frightened because she had never had any sort of desire to cross the Atlantic Ocean and go miles from her family.
‘I don’t want to go to America,’ she said.
‘Your behaviour means that what you want or don’t want has no bearing on anything,’ said Dan. ‘I have said you are going to America and that is where you will go and you only have yourself to blame.’
Celia looked across at her mother’s sorrowful eyes fastened on her and knew in her heart of hearts she didn’t want her to be sent so far away, but her views would count for nothing either. Tom looked unhappy and Dermot couldn’t understand why Celia had to leave the home she loved, when her father had said he was bribing McCadden to go away from Donegal. Ellie and Sammy didn’t understand any of it and were asking questions they knew might not be answered. They had known for ages that it was Norah who was going and they couldn’t understand why it was Celia who was now going and why she was so upset about it.
Celia in fact felt full of misery and she could hardly bear to look at her sister, who was completely silent and stiff. Celia knew Norah was holding her emotions together with difficulty and if she had tried to speak they would likely burst uncontrollably from her and she sighed for she had no idea that hurting those she cared about would cause her such anguish.
Dan seemed unaware of the bombshell he had released and in fact the only thing he seemed concerned about was how Joseph O’Leary knew it all to tell Norah. She explained that Tom had told him and Dan tore Tom off a strip for discussing the business of the family with outsiders.
‘I did ask him to keep it to himself,’ Tom protested. ‘I didn’t know that he was going to run slap bang into Norah the very next day. Anyway, I’m surprised he remembered anything I said, for he was well away when I saw him.’
Norah pulled herself together enough to say bitterly, ‘Oh he remembered all right, and though he hid it well he actually took great delight in telling me my dream of going to America wasn’t going to happen.’
‘I don’t want family business discussed with half the county.’
‘It was hardly that,’ Peggy said. ‘Anyway, everyone will know about this soon enough. People can’t just disappear, especially in a place this size, so our business will be known and discussed everywhere before long.’
Norah
