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For more information about the author and her work, visit her website at: dianawynnejones.com
First published by Methuen Children’s Books Ltd 1984
Published by HarperCollins Children’s Books 2000 HarperCollins Children’s Books is a division of HarperCollinsPublishers Ltd 77-85 Fulham Palace Road, Hammersmith, London, W6 8JB
The HarperCollins Children’s Books website address is: www.harpercollins.co.uk
Text copyright © Diana Wynne Jones 1984
Illustrations by Paul Hess 2000
Diana Wynne Jones and Paul Hess assert the moral right to be identified as the author and illustrator of the work.
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Source ISBN: 9780006755272
Ebook Edition © SEPTEMBER 2014 ISBN: 9780008116705
Version: 2014-09-29
To Fiona
CONTENTS
This book will prove the following ten facts:
1 A Goon is a being who melts into the foreground and sticks there.
2 Pigs have wings, making them hard to catch.
3 All power corrupts, but we need electricity.
4 When an irresistible force meets an immovable object, the result is a family fight.
5 Music does not always soothe the troubled breast.
6 An Englishman’s home is his castle.
7 The female of the species is more deadly than the male.
8 One black eye deserves another.
9 Space is the final frontier, and so is the sewage farm.
10 It pays to increase your word power.
The trouble started the day Howard came home from school to find the Goon sitting in the kitchen. It was Fifi who called him the Goon. Fifi was a student who lived in their house and got them tea when their parents were out. When Howard pushed Awful into the kitchen and slammed the door after them both, the first person he saw was Fifi, sitting on the edge of a chair, fidgeting nervously with her striped scarf and her striped leg warmers.
“Thank
