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For Charlie and Rachel, my A-list friends
No man is rich enough to buy back his past.
—OSCAR WILDE
Breaking News: Discovery of Blood-Soaked Dress Leads to Arrest of Night for Night Party Promoter!
By Trena Moretti
Just in—Mere hours after teen heartthrob Ryan Hawthorne was called in for questioning regarding the disappearance of his former girlfriend, Hollywood A-lister Madison Brooks, Los Angeles police received an anonymous tip leading to a blood-soaked dress thought to belong to Night for Night party promoter Aster Amirpour.
While the official statement released by the LAPD states that tests are under way to determine the source of the blood, an LAPD insider assures us they’ve received confirmation that the blood on the dress is a match for the missing celebrity.
According to our sources, the dress was turned over to police when a W Hotel employee became suspicious.
“I was only doing my job, which requires me to double-check the number and type of clothes found in the guest’s laundry bag with the number and type of clothes the guest logged onto the form,” said the employee, who wishes to remain anonymous. “This is the same standard procedure we always follow before we send the laundry out to our vendor. You would not believe how many people don’t know the difference between a chemise and a dress. Anyway, in the middle of checking I noticed that a black dress had been improperly marked as a blouse. When I looked closer, I saw that the dress was covered in large dark stains that struck me as suspicious. It was then that I alerted my boss and they took it from there. If it really is the blood of Madison Brooks, then all we can do is pray for that poor young girl, because it really was an awful lot of blood. The dress was completely covered in it.”
At the time of writing, Aster Amirpour was being booked into LA County Jail. We’ll have more as this story develops.
CONTENTS
THREE: THIS SUMMER’S GONNA HURT LIKE A MOTHERF * * * * R
FOUR: WHY’D YOU COME IN HERE LOOKIN’ LIKE THAT
NINE: ROCK AND ROLL, HOOCHIE KOO
SIXTEEN: MUSIC TO WATCH BOYS TO
SEVENTEEN: ’TIS A PITY SHE WAS A WHORE
TWENTY: I KNOW WHAT YOU DID LAST SUMMER
TWENTY-ONE: GUILTY FILTHY SOUL
TWENTY-THREE: USED TO LOVE YOU SOBER
TWENTY-SIX: DEAR FUTURE HUSBAND
TWENTY-SEVEN: DIRTY DEEDS DONE DIRT CHEAP
TWENTY-EIGHT: YOU SHOOK ME ALL NIGHT LONG
TWENTY-NINE: OUR LIPS ARE SEALED
THIRTY: BURNING DOWN THE HOUSE
THIRTY-FOUR: CALLING ALL ANGELS
