I held her gaze and I knew for the first time, she’d opened up to me and said something of the truth, of what was going on in her head. But I knew what she meant. “Yeah, I often feel entirely out of my depth, but you just have to take a breath, keep calm, and carry on.”
She smiled, weakly this time, but then it dropped away. “Or start again. I’ve gotta start again.”
“Well, you can sleep before you do.”
I’d slept well. I felt good, much better. Jason had gone to work before I woke, but he’d left me his spare key on the counter, so I could go out, and a note giving me the building access code and saying he might have to work late so don’t wait to eat.
He was probably gonna try to work overtime to pay for the stuff he’d bought me.
I needed a job. I wasn’t gonna let him keep me. He deserved better than that. He wasn’t Declan.
I bathed using his shampoo and soap. I liked smelling like him. Then I dressed. When I put on my satin underwear, I remembered how I’d waved it at Jason in the store and his half-smile. I put on the black skirt, some stockings and a white blouse, then the scarf and coat, and I felt cared for, like no one had ever cared for me.
Lindy really didn’t know how good she had it, and she was pushing him away. That woman needed a talking to, and if I got her on the cell I’d tell her.
I hurried out the door. It was already eleven, the perfect time to start knocking on restaurant doors. I could serve okay. Someone would take me on. I hit the streets. There were a few restaurants I tried around the DUMBO area but none were hiring, so I headed into Brooklyn, I didn’t want to go to Manhattan. If I worked back over the bridge I might bump in to Declan, I didn’t want to do that.
I got a job in a restaurant, in Henry Street. The mainstay of their menu was burgers, but I wasn’t a snob; the food looked nice, and it wasn’t too far to walk from Jason’s. I’d be fine there until I’d earned enough for a deposit for a room somewhere. Probably not in DUMBO or Brooklyn, the rents here would be a bit steep for a waitress salary, and I didn’t have parents to help me out like he did. But it was a beginning to my new life.
They wanted me to start work that night. I said okay. I thought I’d better start before I had the chance to change my mind. I walked up to the Brooklyn Bridge Park after the interview, and sat on a bench there, for a moment, looking at the bridge and traffic on the river.
Then I got up and walked down by the water. It reminded me how I’d felt when I’d gone onto Manhattan Bridge. I’d just needed to escape everything, myself, as well as Declan. I hadn’t wanted to keep fighting and trying anymore, or to be who I was any longer.
The water had called to me. Deep and shifting and promising escape.
It promised me escape again, as I gripped the rail. I could jump and just not swim…
But I had a new life now. After just two days. I had somewhere to stay, with someone I liked, someone kind, and now I had a job. Why would I give in to the water’s call now? I’d be foolish to listen. I watched instead as the water shifted and swelled, when boats swept a v in their wake, out across it.
~
When I got home I was surprised Rachel wasn’t in the living room. My heartbeat slipped up a gear. Had she gone without saying goodbye? My TV and Xbox were still there. I looked and saw her coat on the hook by the door. She hadn’t left.
I stripped off my coat and hung it up, then got a beer out the fridge.
I checked in the bedroom. Some of her clothes were thrown on the mattress and a bag still stood in the corner containing the other stuff we’d bought yesterday. I could hear the shower running.
I went back into the living room.
I was drinking my beer when Rachel walked in, wearing a towel tucked closed over her breasts and another as a turban on her head. Her slender arms raised and she began rubbing her hair with the turbaned towel. “Hey, I thought you’d be later…”
“I didn’t have to work late after all.” I’d suggested a subject for an article today. The sub-editor, Hilary, had liked it, the editor, Keith, had even shown some interest. The asshole owner of the magazine, who’d happened to be in today, had thrown my idea out, saying it was stupid. He didn’t even know anything about editing. He was only the money behind the magazine. It was like a game to him. I’d been put straight back in my meaningless place.
“Well, if you were seeking money to pay the bills I ran up on your card last night, don’t panic, I’ve got a job, your investment was worthwhile. I start my first shift in an hour. It’s only a few hours tonight but If they like me they’ll give me more.”
She looked so pleased with herself, her expression touched something in my chest. I smiled. She smiled back. A full, genuine, bright, wide smile.
I lifted my beer a little. “Congratulations.”
“Thanks. It’s a restaurant, on Henry St. Why don’t you eat there tonight? I could serve you.” She gave me the cheeky grin she’d given me last night when she’d been asking my opinion on her satin thongs. She had a wicked streak. I’d learned that yesterday.
The conversation I’d had with Mom on the way home from work repeated in my head. “Darling, Lindy is worried. Are you sure you know enough about this girl, you don’t know where she’s come from or why she was even on that bridge. She could have done anything.”
“Mom, I think she’s a good person. She needed help. I’m giving it to her.”
I couldn’t believe Lindy had panicked Mom so badly. When Dad complained and discouraged me, Mom would convince him to give me a chance to try things out. That’s why they’d helped fund my apartment. She’d wanted me to stay at home, but still she’d encouraged and helped me to come to New York. She was selfless, and she’d brought me up to be like that. Coming to New York was the first thing I’d done just for myself. And look where it was getting me; even Mom was taking sides against me now.
I sipped my beer, then nodded. I never went out. It would be good to get out again. “When does your shift end?”
“Eleven.”
“Then I’ll run first and come in at the end of your service. I can walk you home.”
A soft look added depth to her green eyes for a moment, and her smile turned from bright and sunny to warm. “Thanks, I’d appreciate that.”
“You’re welcome.”
She walked forward, and then her index finger came up and flicked my tie. “You know, your Lindy should appreciate you a little more.”
I laughed. I didn’t know what else to do, because, actually, I was seriously turned on as she swiveled round and walked away. She had nothing on beneath those towels and I knew her body was hot as hell; I could remember every detail of it from when I’d seen her in the bath.
Fuck, I
