into the church.
There were a lot flowers on top of it.
Six men carried you into the church. They must be very strong.
I couldn’t picture you in the coffin. I remember seeing your body at the hospital. You looked like you were asleep. But I couldn’t see you asleep in your coffin. Were you really there?
There were too many people in church. It made me agitated. I wish you could have been there to help me calm down.
Granny helped me instead. So that was good.
Dad cried.
Then Granny cried.
I didn’t know what to do.
So I cried too.
I think that’s what you do at funerals.
Your son
Joe
Dear Mum,
It feels like a long time since I have seen you. Though it is only two weeks.
Granny came for Christmas. It was sad. We all missed you. Christmas shouldn’t be sad should it?
Nothing feels right now you are gone. I wonder if Christmas will ever feel right again?
I try to picture you. But you are not here. Where have you gone?
Where does anyone go when they die?
Logically I know you are in the ground. I have put flowers on your grave. Your bones will rot and crumble away. One day there will be nothing left.
But if there is nothing left, why do I remember you?
Your son
Joe
Dear Mum,
I looked at Venus tonight through my telescope. The one you gave me for my last birthday.
Do you remember telling me that Grandad was a star when he died?
Maybe you are too.
If you are a star, I think you must be Venus because it is the evening and the morning star. And you used to get me up in the morning and put me to bed at night when I was little.
It is a long time since you tucked me into bed. But I wish you were still here to do it.
Now it’s just Dad and me. And nothing is the same.
When I look at Venus I will think of you.
And I will remember you always.
Your son
Joe
Dear Mum,
It is January now.
The weather is cold.
The house feels cold too, because you are not there.
How does that work? It isn’t logical.
But you were here and the house felt warm. And now it doesn’t.
Your son
Joe
Dear Mum,
Dad isn’t very well.
He doesn’t talk much and is very sad.
He is also very tired.
Granny says he needs his beauty sleep.
Will that make him happy do you think?
They talk in whispers a lot. I think they worry about me. Granny says I spend too much time in the loft.
But I like it here. No one bothers me.
And I look at the stars and feel close to you.
Your son
Joe
Dear Mum,
Today Dad and I went to put flowers on your grave. Freesias; your favourite. And roses because Dad likes them.
It is six week since your accident. Dad cried again. He tries not to do it in front of me, but he cries a lot now. I think he misses you.
I miss you too.
I miss you saying, “Now Joe it’s time for school.”
I miss you taking me for hot chocolate.
I miss talking to you at the end of the day.
There are a lot of graves in the graveyard. I wonder where all the other people who’ve died are now?
Do their families miss them too?
There are so many people who must have died in the earth’s history. Billions upon billions. There are billions of stars too.
I think every single one must be a star.
Just like you are.
Your son
Joe
Dear Mum,
Even though it is very cold today, I remembered a day you bought me ice cream.
I hit a boy at school. That was bad. But he kept shouting at me because I didn’t want to play Power Rangers. Power Rangers was a stupid game and I didn’t like it. He wouldn’t go away and he and his friends kept telling me I had to play. Why did I have to play? I knew I was getting angry and tried to take deep breaths the way you always told me too.
They laughed at me when I started rocking back and forth. I tried to find Mrs Thomas but she wasn’t there. I tried to run away from the boys, but they followed me. So I hit the boy who wanted me to play Power Rangers. And then there was trouble.
I know I shouldn’t have hit that boy. But he shouldn’t have shouted at me. He should have left me alone. I cried and said I was sorry, but I had to come home from school early that day.
You said it didn’t matter, and bought me an ice cream, and everything was ok.
I like ice cream.
Your son
Joe
Dear Mum,
I think sometimes you were sick when I was
