he was walking, probably looking for privacy. She imagined he stopped on the far side of the media van.
‘We thought things would be better after the cholera epidemic,’ he said. ‘It seemed like the world had finally taken notice of what was happening here. But conditions now are worse than ever. Tell me something good, Susie. I need to hear something happy.’
Susan had only one thing to tell. ‘Lily’s pregnant.’
The silence that followed was so long, she feared they had lost the connection. ‘Rick?’
‘I’m thinking you wouldn’t joke about something like that.’
‘Well, it isn’t cholera or poverty. But it is an issue.’
There was another pause. Then a frightened, ‘Was she raped?’
‘Oh God, no.’
‘Who’s the guy?’
‘She won’t tell. And no, she hasn’t been dating anyone special,’ Susan rushed on before he could ask. ‘I see her at school. I see her on the weekends. Usually, if I miss something, I hear it from someone else.’
‘Why won’t she tell?’
Because she’s stubborn? Misguided? Loyal? Susan sighed. ‘Because the guy was only a means to an end.’ She filled him in as best she could, but even after nine days, the story seemed bizarre. ‘She and her friends just decided the time was right to have a baby. Mary Kate and Jess are pregnant, too.’
She heard a bewildered oath, then an astonished, ‘They made a pact?’
There it was, the word she didn’t want to hear. ‘I wouldn’t call it that.’
‘What would you call it?’
She tried to think of a better word. An agreement? A promise? A deal? But that was just a way to pretty things up. ‘A pact,’ she finally conceded.
‘What do we know about pact behavior?’ asked Rick the journalist.
‘Mostly that Lily isn’t your typical candidate,’ replied Susan the educator. Pact behavior was a school administrator’s greatest fear. One kid with a problem was bad enough. But three? ‘Kids collaborate with one or more friends to do something forbidden. They do it in secret, and it’s usually self-destructive.’
‘But Lily is strong. She’s self-confident.’
‘She’s also a teenager with very close friends. They convinced each other that they could be great mothers, better than the ones they worked for last summer.’
‘They did it because of a summer job?’
‘No, but that was the catalyst.’
‘They’re only seventeen,’ he protested. Susan pictured his eyes. They were blue, alternately steely and soft, always mesmerizing. ‘How far along is she?’
‘Twelve weeks. She only told me last week. And no, I didn’t see anything. There’s still practically nothing to see. I would have called you right away, only she asked me to wait. I don’t know if that was out of superstition or fear.’
‘Fear?’
‘That you’d suggest she terminate the pregnancy.’
Quietly, he asked, ‘Is she there? Can I talk with her?’
‘She’s sleeping.’ Susan explained what had happened at school.
He swore, echoing Susan’s feelings exactly. ‘It’s all over school then?’
‘Not yet. But soon, I’d guess.’
He let out a breath, audible over the many miles. ‘How does she feel about that?’
‘Upset. She wanted to wait.’
‘But she isn’t considering abortion.’
‘No. She’s keeping it. She’s been firm about that.’
‘What about you? You think she should?’
That was the question closest to Susan’s heart, the dark one, the one she couldn’t discuss with anyone else. ‘Oh, Rick,’ she said tiredly, ‘this is where I agonize. You know what I did back then. Once she was inside me, I couldn’t bear the thought of not having her, so a part of me understands where she’s at now.’ She paused.
‘And the other part?’
‘Just wants this to go away,’ she confessed, feeling like the worst person in the world. ‘Abortion, adoption – I don’t care.’
‘But you haven’t said that to Lily.’
‘No, and I won’t. This is the ugly me speaking. How can I ask my daughter to do something I refused to do? And so what if keeping it changes our lives? We can deal. Who said there was only one way to live a good life?’
There was a longer pause this time, then a quiet, ‘Your dad.’
Rick always got it. ‘Right. So now you’re the dad. What do you say?’
‘I say right’s the word. She has a right to want it, you have a right to want it gone—’
‘But I don’t want it gone,’ Susan broke in, feeling sinful, ‘at least, not all the time – only when I think about what a mess this will make of her life, or when I dwell on what an absolutely, incredibly stupid thing this was for her to do. I mean, are you proud of what she’s done?’
‘This minute? No. In five years, I may feel differently.’
‘Forget five years,’ Susan cried in frustration. ‘We’re at a crossroads – here, today, now. If she’s going to not keep this baby, this is the time to decide. What do I do?’
‘You just said it. How can you ask her to do something you refused to do? She keeps it.’
As simply as that, Susan felt a tad lighter. ‘What do I do about the part of me that resents that?’
‘You work on it. You’re a good worker.’
‘Like I’m a good mother?’
‘You are. A good mother does her best, even when her own dreams are shot to hell. So, Lily keeps the baby. Does she have a plan?’
‘To raise the baby? Well, she says she had a good role model in me.’ Her voice rose. ‘Honestly, Rick, I never imagined this. She knows how hard it was for me. She knows what I gave up. I wanted everything to be perfect for her. Maybe I wanted her to be perfect.’
‘No child is perfect.’
‘Right, so why do I feel betrayed?’
She imagined him considering that, frowning, using a forearm to push dark hair off his face. ‘That
