squeezed her heart, and for a moment, she couldn’t stop herself from hoping that maybe someday soon, things would be different. But even as she clung to the thought, she knew better than to let herself fall into that trap. She hadn’t been able to let a man touch her since she was a teenager, and that was never going to change.
And that hurt. Why couldn’t she be normal like other women? Why couldn’t she feel comfort in the arms of a man she liked and cared about instead of fear?
But even as she asked, she knew the answer to that. Her childhood hadn’t been an easy one. She’d never known her real father, and her mother was an alcoholic who was always bringing home all sorts of men. Then when she was fourteen, one of those men—Frank—nearly assaulted her. Frightened and feeling like she had no one to turn to for help, she ran away from home. But she’d only jumped from the frying pan into the fire. She’d lived on the streets for six months and was in constant danger. One night while she was staying in a homeless shelter, she was almost raped. That forever traumatized her, and after years of therapy, she still couldn’t allow herself to share physical intimacy with a man.
And that hurt. She couldn’t be normal like other women, and she’d learned to deal with that by focusing all her emotions on children. A caring policewoman had gotten her to the Hopechest Ranch after the near rape, and it was there that she’d met Meredith. After she came to live with her and Joe, Rebecca began to help her with the younger children and found great comfort in that. When she later started college, she naturally gravitated to teaching and helping children with learning disabilities.
But she still shrank away from a man’s touch.
That didn’t mean she hadn’t tried. She had. But regardless of how much she liked a man, she could never get past her own fears from the past. After years of disappointment and dashed expectations, she’d finally accepted the fact that she was never going to be able to have a relationship with a man. So she’d stopped dating. It was just too painful.
But, oh, how Austin tempted her. There was something about him that pulled at her, an attraction she was afraid she couldn’t hide, and that horrified her. He would be there any moment, and she was terribly afraid she was going to make a fool of herself.
“He just wants help with the case,” she muttered to herself as she hurriedly straightened the pillows on the couch and checked the rest of the living room to make sure that it was neat and presentable. “He’s not interested in you as a woman.”
To make sure she remembered that, she tried to picture him with a bevy of gorgeous blondes doing things with him she could never do. It didn’t help. When the doorbell rang, she was suddenly breathless.
Later, she never knew how she faced him with any degree of composure. Her heart was racing, her palms slightly damp, and she felt as giddy as a schoolgirl. But when she opened the door to him, she greeted him with a smile that was calm and serene. If her heart was thundering like a locomotive on a downhill run, no one had to know that but her. “Hi.”
“Thanks for seeing me like this, with no notice,” he said gruffly as he stepped into her living room. “I hope I’m not interrupting anything.”
“No, not at all,” she assured him. Dropping down into her favorite chair in front of the fireplace, she motioned for him to take a seat on the couch. “Now what’s this you wanted to run past me? Have you tracked down a suspect?”
“Not exactly,” he said in disgust. “According to everyone I’ve talked to, Joe doesn’t have any major enemies, but he’s ticked off more than a few people over the years. And he invited them all to his party. I was hoping you could help me eliminate some of the names on the list.”
“I’ll try,” she promised. “What do you want to know?”
“Start with the immediate family and tell me everything you can about each person’s relationship with Joe. Who’s close to him, who’s not, who argues with him or owes him money or doesn’t like his business practices. And don’t worry about this going anywhere beyond this room. Whatever you tell me is privileged information.”
He was strictly business and somber as a judge, and Rebecca felt like a fool for thinking he might have stopped by for any other reason than to talk about the case. Thankful he couldn’t read her mind, she deliberately focused her thoughts on the family. If he could be all business, so could she.
“I guess I should start with Meredith,” she said quietly. “They argue sometimes, but it’s usually over minor things—like having dinner with just the family. She likes to entertain a lot and it drives him nuts.”
Surprised, Austin frowned. “When I was a kid, I got the impression she didn’t care much for the social scene. When did that change?”
“I don’t know,” she replied, trying to remember. “I guess it was after Joe, Jr. and Teddy were born. Once they were in school, she had more time on her hands and really enjoyed having people over. It just seemed to mushroom after that.”
“And their marriage? It’s okay?”
“Oh, I think so,” she replied, surprised that he asked. “It’s not all lovey-dovey like it was when they were younger, but that’s pretty normal, isn’t it, when people have been married as long as they have? And Meredith changed after the accident.”
The entire family knew about the car accident nine years ago when Meredith was driven off the road by a drunk driver when she was taking Emily for a visit with her natural grandmother. Shaken by the near tragedy, Meredith hadn’t been quite the same since.
“She never recovered from that, did she?” Austin asked quietly.
“She’s harsher,” Rebecca said. “More on edge. I guess that’s what happens when you come so close to death.”
Noncommittal, Austin only shrugged. “Then what about the kids? Do all of them get along with him? I’m not just talking about now,” he said quickly, before she could answer. “Were there any fights or disagreements in the past? Any resentments that might have festered over the years into rage?”
Frowning, Rebecca didn’t even have to think about that. “Oh, no. Joe’s always been supportive of the kids. He never missed one of Rand’s football games if he could help it, and he’s crazy about the girls. Drake …” Searching for words to describe Drake, she smiled sadly. “I don’t think Drake ever got over Michael’s death. I never had a brother and can’t imagine what it would be like to lose one, especially a twin. He doesn’t let anyone get close to him, but I don’t think he harbors any resentment against Joe. He just stays to himself.”
Unable to think of anything else, she grimaced. “This isn’t what you wanted to hear, is it? Obviously, Joe’s infuriated someone but I don’t see how it could be anyone in the family. They’re too close-knit for that. It’s got to be someone he works with. Have you talked to Graham or Emmett yet? They’d be able to help you with that more than I would. You have their numbers, don’t you?”
Austin nodded. Joe’s brother, Graham, and his old army buddy, Emmett Fallon, both worked closely with him at Colton Enterprises and would know better than most any enemies Joe had made in the corporate world. “I have appointments with both of them tomorrow.”
Considering that, there was little left to say, and they both knew it. “I guess I wasn’t much help, was I?” she said with a rueful smile. “Sorry.”
She was no sorrier than Austin. Damn, he enjoyed
