she could. And—incredibly—a piece of peppermint candy was making her feel better.
She cried a little anyway. She didn’t want her mother to die. She didn’t want to be here. She didn’t want strange women to answer her telephone at her house.
Damn it!
It was some comfort knowing that she wasn’t really in love with Kent. But in love or not, she still wanted his head on a stick.
In love.
She would be forty years old on her next birthday, and she still wasn’t sure what the term meant. She had tried more than once to identify the elusive emotion she associated with Kent. A certain pride, she supposed. She was proud to be seen with him, to have people know that they were a couple. He mirrored her own accomplishments. Like her, he had an intense drive to get ahead and stay there, so intense that she couldn’t let herself trust the regard he said he had for her. She had never told him about her illegitimacy, for one thing. She didn’t talk about it as a matter of course, but she wasn’t ashamed of it, either. She didn’t mind people knowing that she had been brought up by an unwed mother, not when that mother had been Maddie Kimball, who was dedicated enough and strong enough for the both of them. Even so, she’d let Kent assume that her parents had divorced when she was very young—because she wasn’t sure that it wouldn’t matter to him. All she knew for certain was that he would never have tried to give her solace with a piece of peppermint candy. He would never have noticed that she was feeling “down and misplaced,” much less have any inclination whatsoever to do something about it.
No, that wasn’t quite true. To be fair, if she’d been obvious enough, she might have gotten some all-purpose flowers from him, the ordering of which he would have delegated to an underling. Loran would repay him for his thoughtfulness by willingly and enthusiastically offering him access to her body, and afterward she would lie in the dark not feeling nearly as “cheered up” as she did right at this moment.
Incredible, she thought. She was by no means happy, but she did feel a little less…forlorn. Maybe there was something to the peppermint, after all.
Or maybe it was having someone offer his own unique brand of commiseration—a simple act of kindness—even if he was paid to do it.
She gave a sharp sigh. She would have to admit he was rather good at it.
The wind grew colder suddenly. She needed to go back to the house and find out where the nearest town was so she could buy the things she needed. And she needed to see what in this world was going on with Maddie.
Maddie’s doctor had warned Loran what to expect as the illness progressed. Frailness, fatigue, a gradual fading away. Maddie would begin to lose her interests and her appetite. And there would be pain, the kind of pain the two of them couldn’t begin to imagine. Indeed, he’d said, she should be suffering already, and why she wasn’t, he really couldn’t explain. Maddie’s X-rays showed significant metastasis to the bones. She should be in pain all the time, but obviously she wasn’t—not yet.
Not yet.
Loran had never seen anyone in the process of dying before, and having to watch Maddie do it was more than she could bear to even think about. She couldn’t imagine a world without Maddie in it.
What will I do without her?
But Maddie was definitely getting around at the moment, and whatever interests she might have lost, she’d clearly replaced with new ones—like surprise jaunts down the Blue Ridge Parkway.
In spite of her worry, Loran made a mild attempt at taking Meyer’s advice. She stayed put for a few moments longer and looked at the surrounding mountains. Coming here was a crazy notion for her mother to have, but Meyer was right. The place was beautiful.
She heard a burst of laughter and a slamming door. A teenaged boy and girl came out of the house carrying a large, green plastic garbage can. They were having to fight the wind to keep it upright, but eventually, they reached the Dumpster and emptied the bagged contents into it. The girl squealed suddenly as the wind shifted and snatched the can out of their grasp. It bounced and rolled down the hill. Still laughing, they chased after it, scuffling to see who would claim it—but only for a short distance. The garbage can banged into the side of a pickup truck, and the boy and girl suddenly stopped chasing it and went into each other’s arms, the embrace they shared so joyful and so unlike anything Loran had ever experienced that it made her catch her breath. The sheer spontaneity of it spoke volumes about the love and the delight they inspired in each other—maybe because they were so young.
Loran wondered suddenly if Maddie and the unnamed male who had been Loran’s father had been like these two, if she, Loran, had been a “love” child.
Love child.
Love.
She had never felt anything even remotely like what she’d just witnessed, and it was somehow more than disconcerting to think that her mother might have enjoyed that kind of bond with another person—a man—when she herself had not.
Someone in the house suddenly began playing a piano with great flair. After a few false starts, Loran could recognize something classical—and melancholy—Mendelssohn, she thought.
The boy and girl stepped apart, but not before he kissed her lovingly on the forehead. Watching, Loran could almost feel the pressure of the lips that must be firm and warm on her own forehead.
She abruptly looked in the direction Meyer had gone, wondering if that was his first name or his last. Not that it mattered. She wouldn’t be here long enough to call him anything.
The unwelcome memory of Kent’s irate voice slid into her mind.
Don’t answer the phone!
How was she supposed to get through this? Maddie was the only person she had in the world. She couldn’t rely on Kent now, couldn’t have relied on him even if Celia hadn’t answered the telephone.
She closed her eyes for a moment and took a deep breath. Maddie and Loran. Two orphans in the storm as much as mother and child. Loran had always felt that they were survivors somehow, but she didn’t quite know of what. Life, she supposed. And single-parent family-hood—except that that had been much less of a disadvantage than most people wanted to believe. From the time Loran was very young, she had understood that she and her mother were a formidable unit. Not much taken individually, perhaps, but together there was nothing they couldn’t accomplish.
It occurred to her suddenly that Maddie may have simply settled for their life together. She sat there, as surprised by the sudden, unbidden thought as if it had come from someone else. It was something she didn’t want to consider—that, for her sake, her mother might have let go of her own dreams. Loran had never asked her about it, and she wasn’t astute enough to guess. Or perhaps she had been too self-involved to make the attempt.
She frowned slightly. She had no idea why Maddie wanted her to come here, and the last thing she needed was to discover that Maddie considered her life wasted.
She looked toward the woods. Meyer was back. She saw him walking through the trees, but he didn’t come in her direction. Instead, he left the graveled path and went down the landscaped hill to get to the parking area without having to pass by the gazebo. She sat openly watching his progress and the strong and assured way he carried himself. She had no trouble believing that he’d been deployed somewhere. He had the military bearing and attitude. There was nothing tentative about him.
He
