sucked in a trembling breath and pulled away from him. He looked down at her, and froze. Her face shone pale in the dark interior of the car and her hands were fisted in her lap. She didn’t look merely shocked—she looked livid. Without thinking, Sebastian said, “Damn it, I’m sorry.” And he tugged her close. She was stiff, resisting his comfort, but he needed it as much as she did so he didn’t loosen his hold.
“I shouldn’t have gone on like that. Hell, I don’t even think about it all that much anymore, except for the waste of money. Brandi?” He cradled her head between his palms and turned her face up to him. “Are you okay?”
Nodding, she touched his cheek with a trembling hand. But her dark brows were still lowered and she looked almost ferocious. “I’m sorry, Sebastian. You shouldn’t have had to go through such an awful thing.”
“Me? It was my mother who had to put up with him.”
She shook her head. “And you had to worry about both of them, didn’t you?” She sniffed past her anger, a single tear glimmering in her eye.
Her reaction seemed extreme to him. Hell, it had happened long ago. He searched her face, but he saw no pity, no revulsion. There was only complete understanding, which confused him more than anything. How could a woman who’d come from a wonderful loving family really understand the coarse existence he had led?
Slowly, she pulled away from him and moved a few inches over on the seat, putting space between them. She gave him an uncertain look when he continued to watch her. “Do you ever see your father now?”
He made a sound, something between a choke and a snort. “Not a chance. Not when I was the one who chased him away.”
“You?”
“When I was about twelve, I decided I’d had enough. I waited for my father with a chunk of broken lumber from the building site down the street. I considered it an equalizer. When he reached for my mother that last time, I stopped him.”
“Extreme violence when necessary?” Her voice was a soft, gentling whisper.
He shrugged. “I took a few licks myself that day, but since my father had been disgustingly drunk, I doled out more than my fair share, too. And to a man like my father, it just wasn’t worth hanging around if he had to take any abuse himself. He knew damn well, from that day on, he’d have to contend with me every time he showed up. So he left. And he never came back.”
“But you saved your mother.”
That was how Sebastian had consoled himself over the loss of his father, because despite everything, despite how absurd it seemed, he’d had feelings for the man. He had missed him when he’d just disappeared. For a while, it had been difficult, though those feelings had long since faded. “She never mentioned it, never said if she approved or disapproved. But she smiled more often after he’d gone. And knowing I’d managed to make a difference made me feel good too, even when I had an empty belly.”
“My father is the most gentle man you’d ever meet,” Brandi said softly. “He spoils us all, going overboard on gifts and affection. He can lecture a body crazy, but he’d never raise a hand against a woman in anger.”
“You’re lucky that your family is like that.”
“I’ve always thought so.” Then she said, “You must be very proud of all you’ve accomplished since then. You’ve overcome a very tragic background.”
“Not all that tragic, and really, not all that different from what a lot of families live through. But it is what helped me decide on my future. And why I have such a successful business now.”
“The personal protection agency?”
“Yes.” Sebastian was astounded by how incredibly easy it was to talk to Brandi. Already, she knew more about him than most people did. “I decided I needed a job to help out after my father left, even though we were probably better off without buying his booze and with one less mouth to feed. I’d gained most of my height by then and I was street tough, so I hired myself out.”
“You belonged to a gang?”
“I was my own gang.” He chuckled now, remembering how full of himself he’d been. “I was a teenager, but I thought I was as capable as anyone. If someone needed protection, I supplied it. I was a big kid and I’d learned to be mean the hard way, by necessity. But I was choosy. I worked as a defense, not an offense. I wouldn’t attack, only protect. And I made a bundle doing it.”
“Sebastian…” She hesitated, but when he waited, she finally said, “It sounds like you learned how to live with the bad, not how to get away from it.”
“True. It’s called surviving. But I did finally figure that out, though not before a few scrapes with the law and a few near misses with my general well-being. Which is why I joined the service. College was out of the question. I barely made it through high school by the skin of my teeth. I wasn’t dumb, just rebellious. And the service was structured enough to get me straightened out.”
“It’s incredible how you turned your life around.”
Startled, he looked down to see Brandi watching him, her blue eyes wide and intense in the darkness, only an occasional streetlight glimmering across her features. His heart still aching with the memories of his painful childhood, he wanted nothing more than to kiss her, to take comfort and give it. But the moment his gaze dropped to her mouth, she stiffened, and once again he accepted the rejection.
This would probably be the longest five days of his life. Brandi didn’t want him—might not ever want him—yet every minute with her, made him want her more. He felt an affinity with her that he’d never shared with another person. It didn’t make sense, not with Brandi so petite and innocent and sweet—so much his opposite. Yet he felt it, because he felt her understanding, her concern, her giving….
Though he’d had lovers and female friends, none of them had affected him this way. Never had anyone gotten past his guard so effortlessly. Sharing so much time with her alone would be a unique form of torture.
He laughed off the discomfort. He really had no choice. “I’m incredible? Now you’re starting to sound like Shay.”
She grinned. “Heaven forbid.”
When she continued to stare at him, her expression curious, he asked, “What?”
“You’re such a…big man. I can’t quite imagine you as a little kid. Do you look like your mother?”
“No. She was small, like you, but better rounded.”
Brandi chuckled. “Shay is always telling me to eat more. But I could gain twenty pounds and still not be rounded, at least not in the right places.”
“You’re fine just the way you are. Tell Shay to mind her own business.”
He’d said it in a teasing tone, but still Brandi looked embarrassed. “I’d like to meet your mother some day. I imagine she’s very proud of you.”
“She died years ago, Brandi. But my mother was always proud, even when I didn’t deserve it. She used to claim I was the only good thing she had to look forward to. Which, when I look back to my misspent youth, is really pretty sad.” Then he grinned, just so she
