new family-friendly, cuddly mascot. ‘So you’re saying we have a WALL, called the GREEN MONSTER in our park … I have no idea what we should call our mascot, nor what colour he should be or the type of creature.’
Actually, what they lacked in originality for the name, they made up for in back story. Wally had supposedly lived in the Green Monster since 1947, which, given he was introduced to a semi-enthusiastic public in 1997, meant he had just been sitting there doing nothing for 50 years. Pretty creepy. Still, Red Sox stalwart and broadcaster Jerry Remy has written five whole books about the adventures of Wally, plus he has a drink at Dunkin’ Donuts named after him and once featured in a specifically commissioned cartoon. None of which has stopped the locals using language that would make a docker blush about him, though.
John Angelillo/UPI/PA Images
NAME H’ANGUS THE MONKEY
TEAM HARTLEPOOL UNITED
SPORT FOOTBALL
YEARS ACTIVE 1999–PRESENT
STYLE CROSS-EYED REJECT FROM PLANET OF THE APES
FAMOUS FOR BEING ELECTED AS MAYOR OF HARTLEPOOL
Most mascots have a concocted back story, but the origin tale of H’Angus the Monkey is darker than most. The residents of Hartlepool are breezily known in some quarters as ‘monkey hangers’, something based on an old myth that, when a French ship ran aground near the town during the Napoleonic Wars, the only survivor was a monkey that the crew had dressed in a sailor’s uniform. Having seen neither a Frenchman nor a monkey before, the people of the town supposedly assumed the creature was a French spy, and it was duly hanged.
Thus, H’Angus the Monkey. Cheery stuff. Perhaps with this grim tale in mind, H’Angus developed a reputation for ‘anarchic’ behaviour, which included but was not limited to simulating copulation with a female steward, and being kicked out of Blackpool’s ground amid suspicion he had taken drink.
Sounds like a perfect elected official, right? Well, yes, as it turned out. In 2002 all the established political parties were jostling to become the first directly elected mayor of Hartlepool, so Stewart Drummond, the man playing H’Angus at the time, decided to run as ‘a laugh’ and to drum up a little publicity for the club. But, in an early sign that mainstream politics was about to get very silly indeed, he won. And not only did he win, but he was elected twice more before the post was abolished in 2013. Sadly, he did not govern as the monkey.
Steve Drew/EMPICS Sport/PA Images
NAME DINGER
TEAM COLORADO ROCKIES
SPORT BASEBALL
YEARS ACTIVE 1994–PRESENT
STYLE A CROSS BETWEEN A TRICERATOPS AND A TELETUBBY
FAMOUS FOR BEING ‘BORN’ OUT OF A DINOSAUR EGG ON THE FIELD
Sometimes you just have to take your hat off. The Colorado Rockies are a relatively new organisation, playing their first Major League Baseball game in 1993, and had to rent a stadium while their own was being built. During construction, workers found a number of dinosaur fossils on the site, most notably a large triceratops skull. This also happened to be around the time the Rockies were deciding on their new mascot, so in some ways they were offered no choice.
And thus, Dinger was born. For those of you not familiar with baseball slang, ‘Dinger’ might sound like a slightly risqué name for a gentleman’s personal area, but it is in fact slang for ‘home run’, and since Coors Field, the aforementioned fossil-hosting home of the Rockies, is about 5,200 feet above sea level and the thin air makes it easier to hit the ball very, very far, the name of their mascot becomes obvious too.
What isn’t quite so obvious is the way Dinger – a version of Barney the Dinosaur, but with the wide, vacant eyes of someone who has just been smacked in the head with a plank of wood – was introduced to the world. On the field before a game, Dinger emerged from a giant egg, helped by two ‘doctors’, who, and call us cynical here, we suspect did not have the relevant medical qualifications, then proceeded to stumble around the place like, well, someone who’s just been smacked in the head with a plank of wood. The thing is Barn … sorry, Dinger, just doesn’t really do anything. He’s not fun. He’s not intimidating. He’s not even that cuddly. He is, in the words of one fan, ‘a bit of a dweeb’.
Joe Robbins/Getty Images
NAME GILBERT THE GULL
TEAM TORQUAY UNITED
SPORT FOOTBALL
YEARS ACTIVE 1977–PRESENT
STYLE HAPPY-GO-LUCKY GULL, BUT WITH A BIT OF A TEMPER
FAMOUS FOR ALLEGEDLY CALLING HIS OWN FANS A VERY BAD WORD INDEED
On the face of things, there’s nothing that unusual about Gilbert the Gull, mascot of Torquay United, perennial strugglers in the lowest tiers of the English football pyramid. He’s a large, colourful, furry representation of the club’s nickname who goofs around on the touchline before games. So far, so standard.
However, this Gull apparently has a bit of … edge to him. In 2014 Torquay were playing Grimsby Town and the atmosphere among their fans wasn’t exactly convivial, given they were being handed a sound thrashing. Gilbert went over to ask where the noise had gone, one thing led to another and he – allegedly – ended up calling his own fans a bad word. The big, bad word. Yes, that big, bad word.
‘He called us a “bunch of c***s”,’ complained one fan, ‘and after a few words were exchanged he waddled off back to the Family Stand.’ Another fan added: ‘The mascot was – and no doubt about it – telling fans to come onto the pitch for a fight.’ Steve Jegat, the man who played Gilbert at the time, denied dropping the C-bomb, but he was temporarily suspended from duties by the club. ‘Gilbert has been spoken to,’ solemnly intoned the club’s chief executive, and the fact he said ‘Gilbert’ rather than ‘Steve’ conjures up the delicious image of the Gull, in full costume, sitting forlornly in an office somewhere as he’s being given a stern talking-to.
Pete Norton/Getty Images
NAME KING CAKE BABY
TEAM
