that people resume their seats.
“Jenny wants me to wear a lengha,” I said to Mahjong as we sat back down on the floor.
“Are you going to?”
“You must be high! All my lenghas are heavily embroidered. She showed me a picture of her dress last month. Even my cheapest one makes her dress look like she bought it at the dollar store.”
“So what are you going to wear?”
“Whatever fits my fat ass.”
Clarissa clapped her hands. “It’s toy time!”
She began the second half of her presentation by showing us a laminated picture of two vaginas. One showed the clitoris directly over the vaginal cavity, a phenomenon she said approximately 15% of the female population enjoyed. The other picture showed the clitoris higher up, with a greater space between it and the opening. This she said was the case for about 85% of the female population.
“Men are born with their genitals on the outside of their bodies,” Clarissa said. “Lucky them! Women, on the other hand, need to go and get a mirror and physically look at themselves and we don’t often do that. And if no one has told you before, then I’m telling you, you’re beautiful. You’re unique.” I felt like everyone was staring at me. I shifted on my pillow. I was just drunk enough to start to enjoy the sounds it made.
Clarissa’s first toy was a cyber-skin penis that had a suction cup on the end. She called it Hank. Mahjong dated a guy named Hank once. She called him Stanky Hanky after he dropped his drawers on their second date and the smell from his penis almost made her faint. They never went out again.
“Now this little bullet vibrates.” Clarissa held up an egg shaped toy with a cord attached to a control. “I’m going to put it in your hand so you can feel what vibration feels like.” She walked around the room, placing the toy in each lady’s hand. The buxom blonde squealed with joy and proclaimed to everyone in the room that she already owned one just like it. Jenny in her drunken state needed her friend’s help to steady her hand. The long-nosed lady refused to hold the toy. Mahjong curled both her hands around it and smiled.
I was next.
I held out my hand like I was waiting for my teacher to hand me back an assignment I knew I had failed. The first wave of vibration coursed straight through my veins on a highway of alcohol fast-tracked to my brain. It felt at once invigorating and frightening. I closed my hand over it as Mahjong did, feeling the pulsations dance like little sparks inside my fingertips. Before I could fully begin to enjoy the sensation, Clarissa pulled the toy away and continued her presentation. I was surprised that I instinctively wanted to hold the bullet longer to see what other reactions it would elicit.
“That’s just a sample of what it’s like.” She pulled a small silver bullet similar to the one she had in her hand from one of the black satin bags on the table. “Here’s a great toy that I recommend. It has six speeds and it fits into this piece.” She pulled a small pink gel-like rabbit out of the bag.
Clarissa demonstrated how to slide the bullet into the back of the bunny causing its nose to vigorously vibrate. She slipped two fingers into the round strap under the base of the bunny so it appeared as though it were perched on a ledge. She recommended it as one of the best beginner toys. Beginner, now that sounded like me. I put a star next to the number for the bunny.
She demonstrated two waterproof toys, a crooked one for the G-spot and a ring for use around the testicles to increase sensitivity and prolong an erection.
“Now while we’re on the subject of him.” With a smile she pulled a rubbery pink sleeve from a golden box behind her. “This is for him ladies. You pour warm water through it and slide some of our water-based lubricant down the centre and when the penis goes in here, it feels like a vagina. He can use this for self-stimulation, or you can use it with him. If you give it to him, you can have the whole night off to read a book! Imagine that! And if you want to play together, here’s how.” She grabbed Hank from the table and inserted him inside the sleeve. “Hold it at the base. Then I pull on the sleeve… gently! And as I tug on it up and down, I am caressing the penis with my hands on the outside but it feels like a vagina on the inside.”
Jenny clapped and laughed awkwardly.
I thought about buying the sleeve for Manny. My mother had been telling me to buy him a leather briefcase for work with his initials on it for his upcoming birthday. Somehow in my drunken state, I reasoned they were pretty much the same idea: a thing he held in his hand at his job or a hand job for his thing. Either way his birthday present was taken care of.
“Okay ladies,” Clarissa said after everyone was quiet again, “are you ready for the King?” She turned to the table and picked up the last black bag behind her, slowly revealing its contents. From the black satin emerged a white see-through toy with a dolphin attached at the base. The dolphin looked like its mouth was open, split into two angular pieces. The shaft of the toy was topped with the face of a knight which formed the crown of the penis.
“This is the King!” Clarissa’s dark eyes flashed like green electricity. “Now ladies, let me show you something about this toy. Not only will he light you up, but he lights up himself!” She flicked a switch at the base and the white shaft came to life flashing bright green, then pink then blue. She went on to extol the virtues of how the toy was made but more specifically how it was designed to please the female form. “Ladies as women we can often justify getting something for someone else before we treat ourselves to anything special. Too often we don’t assume responsibility for our own sexuality. We rely on someone else to figure us out. Bring home a toy and you bring home personal satisfaction. Because it’s like I said earlier. If you can’t enjoy sex with yourself, how can you expect anyone else to enjoy it with you?”
There it was again.
So simple and true and for some reason resounding even more clearly to me than it had when I first heard it.
“Hallelujah!” Mahjong said saluting Clarissa.
“Johnny who?” Jenny slurred to the delight of the women around her.
I looked up at Clarissa and was surprised to see her looking back at me. Was it the alcohol that made me think she could see right through my soul? Like somewhere deep in those dark green eyes she could see past my facades and fears. Everything she had said resonated like crystal chimes above the growing murky fog of liquor sloshing around my brain. Could she know what a deeply profound impact her presentation was having on me?
“And with that dazzling light show ladies, I end my presentation for the night. I’ll be in the bedroom down the hall to take your orders.” Clarissa bowed gently then turned her back to the clapping mass of drunken women. Within minutes she had loaded up her display bag and slipped off to Isabelle’s bedroom.
Isabelle handed out pieces of paper with a number on it to everyone. I held on to my piece of paper flipping it from 6 to 9 and giggling at my own idiocy until the buxom blonde friend of Jenny’s came up to me and tapped me on the shoulder.
“Are you an Indian? Jenny said there was an Indian coming to her wedding.”
I didn’t know whether to correct her and tell her the term was South Asian or to tell her I was as North American as she was.
“I guess that’s me,” I said, hiding my numbered piece of paper in my palm.
“She
