what kind of 50th birthday party your spouse really wants. Move outside of your comfort zone and openly declare your intent in any and all conversations where a little more clarity could drastically reduce conflict and stress in the relationship. For that matter, I encourage you to use the words, “My intent is…” in your next discussion that may be shrouded in confusing or differing opinions. An extra dose of clarity goes a long way in maintaining trust and building strong interpersonal relationships—the key to everything in life.
From Mess To Success:
Declare Your Intent
•Take stock of how often you begin conversations by earnestly declaring your intent—have you made clear your goal/agenda/intention, or are you leaving people to guess?
•Early on in any high-stakes conversation, consider asking others to confirm if they are clear on your intent. Allow them the opportunity to say no without growing defensive or being frustrated.
•Consider how you make it safe (or unsafe) for others to declare their intent with you. What should you stop doing, do more of, or do differently?
•Think of a cordial relationship where you have mutual respect but suspect the other person has read you wrong or doesn’t fully understand where you’re coming from. Try meeting them informally (like for coffee), and see if you can work a declaration of intent into the conversation.
•Ensure when you declare your intent that it’s truthful and congruent with your actions.
•Declaring your intent may well take a level of courage that might not be natural to you. Better to summon that skill than face the consequences that follow from not doing so.
Are you damaging your credibility through too many unfulfilled commitments? Are you a serial overcommitter?
It turns out, making commitments is easy for me. At the time of this writing, I’ve committed to:
•Host a weekly radio program on the topic of leadership on iHeartRadio.
•Simultaneously author or coauthor three books.
•Write a weekly blog post.
•Author a weekly column in Inc. magazine.
•Host what has become the world’s largest weekly leadership newsletter.
•Tape a daily leadership insight for radio and social media.
•Teach a weekly class at my church.
•Lead a fundraising initiative.
•Serve on a marketing committee.
•Provide career coaching for four or five people.
•Get to the gym and work out.
•Raise three boys.
•Stay married, given all the above.
And a litany of other, no less significant items. Your list will be unique to your roles in life, but I bet it comes in at a similar length.
The problem in this challenge is about making and keeping commitments. Now, I have to deliver on everything—and so do you! And here’s my candid admission: I will drop the ball on at least one (okay, three) of these. I’m perpetually overcommitted and can’t possibly deliver on everything at the level of excellence I want. How about you?
Many of the challenges in this book reflect the tension between what I thought an effective leader was early in my career, and what the reality turned out to be. And for some reason, this particular challenge is one I keep reliving, because I’m not quite figuring it out. To quote a colleague of mine, “I fully understand the principle; I just have yet to adopt it into my life.”
Given the caliber of advice I’ve been getting over the years, you’d think I’d have this challenge figured out. Even back in 2007, when I was assuming a new role at FranklinCovey, a peer told me: “Scott, underpromise and overdeliver.”
And like most prescient counsel, her words haunt me to this day.
At the time, I discounted what this colleague had told me because I thought it betrayed something other than a “do whatever it takes” work ethic. (In retrospect, it didn’t.) But I remember the spirit of her counsel: Don’t take on too much, Scott, and perpetuate your brand of delivering on some projects and not on others. Simply do what you say you’re going to do, and do it with extraordinary impact. This aligns with the adage we hear increasingly in our overcommitted lives: More is not better—better is better.
I'm perpetually overcommitted and can't possibly deliver on everything at the level of excellence I want. How about you?
I have a habit of ascribing too much value to activity and not enough to discerning what should be done with the highest quality. Not that my work is sloppy—on the contrary, I would maintain that my deliverables are exceptional. But only the ones I actually deliver on. And now even that may be at risk. My career portfolio has its share of projects I committed to (and hopefully, most people have forgotten about) that never reached liftoff. I actually don’t have a problem saying no. I say no all day long. But I love yes more, particularly with projects that allow me to think big in terms of vision, impact, and uniqueness. Plus, the little voice in the back of my head argues that even if I disappoint 30 percent of the people by not delivering, the remaining 70 percent will think I’m a rock star.
Contrast this with Stephen M. R. Covey, one of the leading global authorities on trust. Stephen is in demand: his famed book The Speed of Trust has sold over two million copies. While he’s keynoting multiple times weekly and it’s not unusual for him to be in four countries in four days, he’s also very cautious about making commitments. Unlike me, he means everything he says. When he says no, he means it. And when he says yes, he means it. He starts and finishes. If I’m 7 for 10, Stephen’s 7 for 7!
Recently I approached Stephen about increasing his global profile, and suggested we meet to brainstorm how to have him accelerate his authorship for some major business publications. He initially said, “No, thank you.” With courtesy and respect, which is his style, he explained that his low profile as a columnist or contributor wasn’t from a lack of opportunity—he’d been approached by numerous publications about writing columns or articles and had declined most of them. He was simply unwilling to place himself in a situation where he might disappoint someone by missing a deadline or not delivering.
If you’ve seen Stephen speak at a conference or your own company event, you know one of his hallmarks, beyond his indisputable credibility, is his thoughtful preparation. He is maniacal about researching a client and customizing his content to their cultural and market issues, and listening to their needs to ensure his time with them is impactful. In fact, he declines nearly as many speaking opportunities as he accepts, as further engagements might reduce his prep time for those already committed to. He literally leaves money on the table daily to ensure those he’s already agreed to work with receive his best. It’s rare to see companies or individuals say no to business if it comes at the expense of delivering
