Letting go
10. In My End is My Beginning – Life in the Trinity
Retiring?
LOVE WAS OUR LORD’S MEANING
In my end is my beginning
Indifference
LETTING GO
To the glory of God
Abandoned to love
ATTAINING THE LOVE OF GOD
All in the end is harvest
This book is dedicated to the Sacred and Compassionate Hearts of Jesus and Mary, and to Benedict, Francis and Ignatius whose lives continue to inspire.
***
It is no longer I who live,
but it is Christ who lives in me.
And the life I now live in the flesh
I live by faith in the Son of God,
who loved me
and gave himself for me.
(The Letter of St Paul to the Galatians 2.20)
Acknowledgements
First, I want to acknowledge the debt of gratitude I owe to my parents and to those who were helpful in my initial vocational development. As a questioning teenager exploring faith, I was deeply impressed by the simple holiness of John Clayton, a Roman Catholic priest who showed great hospitality to this young seeker. I am also grateful for the subsequent guidance I received from many priests, some of whom have now died and, in particular, I realize the debt I owe to Richard Buck, Bill Kirkpatrick, Peter Laister and Jim Cotter, and the immense help I received from Brothers Michael and Damian SSF as well as many others, ordained and lay. Outstanding among them was Sister Mary Teresa SLG, a hermit whose care of me as my vocation developed, often chaotically, deepened my desire for God and who introduced me to the riches of the Carmelite tradition.
In putting my thoughts in order, the assistance of a number of people was invaluable, and I am especially grateful for the help I received from the Bishop of Southwark, Sister Sue CSF, Sister Leo OSCl, and the Reverends David D. Anderson and Ed Sniecienski, Fathers Nicholas Cranfield, John Cullen, Neil Evans, Richard Peers SMMS, Paul Symonds and Brett Ward. Their careful reading of various chapters, constructive criticisms and insightful suggestions were extremely helpful as was the discussion I had with a group of clergy attending the Southwark Diocesan IME (Initial Ministerial Education).
I would also like to thank the editorial staff at Canterbury Press for their patience, help and advice to this novice author.
My particular thanks go to someone who wishes to remain anonymous but whose very careful and professional reading and the comments she was able to make were invaluable, as was the help I received from Ann Lewin who proof read the whole book and whose poetry has been inspirational.
The observations of all involved saved me from too many mistakes, and their suggestions as to what was missing and what needed attention were of great help.
Finally, and most importantly, I want to thank Chris, my long-suffering partner, who had to cope with my being shut away in our office for many hours. Without his initial encouragement and ongoing support this book could never have been written.
Foreword
by the Rt Revd Christopher Chessun, Bishop of Southwark
There is much encouragement to be found in these pages. John-Francis has himself ‘pondered these things’ (as it says in the Ordinal) and shares his insights into the inner life of a priest with great care and beauty. His journey has encompassed the religious life within the Society of St Francis as well as the unpredictability of a parish in east London and has flowed through many decades and different strata, including a secular career in London in which he was drawn to grapple with spiritual questions.
What has now emerged in this book is the distilled wisdom of long experience as a priest, pastor and spiritual director. After drinking deeply himself from the wells of the Tradition, and being fed by them through long and faithful service, John-Francis has now taken up the responsible task of sharing, for the benefit of all making their own journey of faith, the wisdom of the Tradition as he has known it and made it his own.
The Tradition he inherits, distils and passes on is a broadly based one, in which writers and thinkers as various as George Herbert, Maya Angelou and Paul Tillich all have a part to play. But at its heart is the deep hope of humanity this side of eternity, to take the shape which God purposes for each of us, to grow into our true selves, to become the people it is good for us to be.
And within this hope is a sublime paradox: for as our true selves are to be found in Christ alone, and as Christ gave himself up for the sake of others, so to find ourselves is to lose ourselves: ‘We are to engage in a constant finding and letting-go of self; a gifting of self and being utterly present to the Other.’
Realizing these possibilities in ourselves is a matter of Grace, and it is a long pilgrimage. There is much food for the journey in this valuable book: much to ponder on, and much to take hold of. I commend it wholeheartedly, and with particular warmth to those who are themselves on a journey of formation. In these pages they will find a fresh but authentic expression of the tradition that has guided God’s Church for two thousand years.
The cleanest and most wholesome water is often that which has spent years, perhaps centuries or millennia, seeping out of high mountain glaciers and filtering through rock strata, until at last it issues into the open at the foot of a cliff. I encourage readers to draw real refreshment from these wellsprings.
Preface
That in all things, God may be glorified.
(1 Peter 4.11)
***
‘What is that?’ enquired the woman on the train pointing to my clerical collar as we sped towards London. Her English was broken and it transpired she was Chinese, and my efforts to explain the collar, the Church and priesthood came to nothing. Given her cultural background, such matters were outside her understanding, yet her simple question set me on a course of reflection on the nature of priestly identity. Others will tell similar stories of brief yet profound encounters: the prayer offered for someone in the street; the confidence received among the supermarket shelves; the confession heard in a pub – the collar still has power to attract and convey something. But just what is it that we are conveying as we live out our vocation? I wonder if that simple statement by St Jean-Baptiste-Marie Vianney, the Curé d’Ars, is a simple yet powerful reminder of the heart of our calling:
The priesthood is the love of the heart of Jesus.1
The inner life of the priest
This
