how we were parented impacts how we lead and follow; from the boardroom or living room; from positions of formal authority or informal influence. This book compels readers and leaders, to think deeply about relationship strategies, and take the author's sage and sensible advice.”
—Dr. Brenda Wilkins, President SoulPowered & BMG Management
The Matriarch Mare
The Matriarch Mare is calm because her boundaries are impeccable. Because she knows who she is—with clarity and equanimity—the other horses respect her. She does not let herself be influenced by another horse’s fears or anxieties or aggression. She knows the right thing to do, based on her own internal signals, and she does it. She doesn’t need approval or permission. She lives and breathes from a place of integrity and certainty, because of her strong and appropriate boundaries. As a result, she is relaxed and at peace. She belongs to herself. She has an undefended heart.
—With thanks to Martha Beck and Elizabeth Gilbert.
Katherine Woodward Thomas’ contribution to the field of personal growth is deep and wide. Her work has influenced many of the thought leaders who have influenced me. I am grateful for and honored by her endorsement of my own work. Even more so, I am profoundly thankful for the groundbreaking work she has done in the world. Thank you, Katherine, from the bottom of my bottomless heart. ~ Karen C.L. Anderson
Table of Contents
Chapter 2 A Note to Daughters…and Their Mothers
Chapter 3 Why I Do This, Plus FAQs and an Invitation
Chapter 4 Living in Either/Or Land
Chapter 6 “So, Tell Me about Your Relationship with Your Mother.”
Chapter 8 You Are a Courageous, Conscious Creator
Chapter 9 But What About the Anger/Sadness/Grief/Bitterness/Guilt I Still Feel?
Chapter 10 Triggers and Buttons and Thorns, Oh My!
Chapter 11 Deactivate Your Triggers, Unbutton Your Buttons, and Pluck Out Those Thorns
Chapter 12 A Quick Note about Our Little-Girl Brains
Chapter 14 Boundaries with Myse-helf
Chapter 15 “But She Manipulates Me into Not Having—or Ignoring—My Boundaries”
Chapter 16 Guilt, Anxiety, and Fear Are Not Inevitable When It Comes to Setting Boundaries
Chapter 17 But Mothers Aren’t Supposed to…
Chapter 18 The Myth of the Unloved Daughter
Chapter 19 Taking Yourself onto Your Own Lap (a.k.a Re-Mothering)
Chapter 20 Re-Mothering in the Face of Big Emotions (Like Shame)
Chapter 21 A Radical Way to Banish Shame from Your Life
Chapter 22 When You Decide to Change
Chapter 23 Choosing Unconditional Love
Chapter 24 What’s on the Other Side of the Struggle?
Chapter 25 Dear Mothers of Women Who Are Reading This Book
Chapter 27 How Does This Book End?
One of my earliest memories is of fiercely scribbling letters to my mother, which I’d quickly hide behind a small wooden bookcase in my bedroom. There were dozens of them stuffed into the small, narrow crack between the wood and the wall.
Rather than confessions of devotion and love, my writings were a rant of rage. Tear-stained confessions of wishing I’d never been born. To my strict mother, I’d say nothing directly. Yet behind her back, I’d let it tumble out messy, mad, and manic on the page.
One day, as she was cleaning my room, she stumbled upon the hidden missives. Unfolding and reading them one by one, I sat frozen in fear on my bed, barely breathing. When she finally looked up, her fiery, accusing eyes shot right through me.
She beat me with a wooden brush and sent me to bed without supper. I was eight at the time.
If you’ve picked up this book, it’s
