golf game. (He had a very long and successful career as an independent insurance agent while we operated the golf center on the side.) He sensed that he understood my need to find my true calling, whatever it may be, while I still had time to explore and find myself. All of the guilt I was carrying in regard to my departure had been placed there firmly by myself and by my own expectations of potentially letting him down after having this great opportunity presented to me, which I would soon be leaving.
I think many of us have been taught by society and our loved ones (as they were taught as well) that happiness and fulfillment come from fitting into a certain societal mold. Be wary of being seduced into prematurely accepting some role that doesn’t have much to do with your nature or values. The familiar model is to head to college, get a job, get married and have kids. Unfortunately, that expectation sometimes clashes with information we are receiving from our heart and intuition. At least that was the case for me. As a result, I was initially caught in a situation of feeling like I was letting my dad down by following my heart.
Looking back on my experience at the golf center, with ten years of perspective under my belt, I have no regrets. I learned a great deal about myself, people in general, and business—I wouldn’t change a thing. But most importantly, it helped shape me into who I am today. It gave me the tools and knowledge, both tangible and emotional, that I carry forward. I am very proud of the fact that I followed my heart and listened to my intuition, and I consider myself lucky that I had the courage to walk away from a secure yet unauthentic situation.
I feel like I am living my authentic life now. I have found happiness and fulfillment in writing, speaking, producing, and acting. I am accomplishing things that I never would have thought or dreamed possible. It wasn’t until I left my job that I really began to see how alive I could feel, simply by being myself and following my heart.
When I stepped away, I didn’t really know who I was or what my future held. What I did know was that I sure wanted to find out. I had to step away from something that I didn’t love in hopes of finding something that I did. There began the process of building a new, more stable foundation for the rest of my life.
We are all just walking each other home.
—Ram Dass
I love this quote, always have, and always will. It cuts right to the heart of the matter. We are all here basically going through the same experiences, dealing with primarily the same problems, and trying to do our best to survive and thrive in a sometimes-difficult world. We all have so much in common. And at the deepest core of our existence we all want the same beautiful thing, to love and be loved. Why do we make it so hard for ourselves? Fear and painful experiences just to name a few. Why can’t the process of “walking each other home” be easier, if we all basically want the same thing? I think it can be.
As I share my journey, I want you to have your own journey. It’s never been my intention to tell anyone what to do. I want to share my experience of how I am “doing life” in hopes that you can gain more personal awareness so that you can “do your life” in as fulfilling and as enjoyable a way as possible. I want to share with you how I created habits by living authentically that strengthened my foundation. I want you to be inspired to want to live your life to the fullest.
There comes a time in all of our lives when it becomes more painful for us to stay mired in our old habits than to step outside our comfort zone and risk the unknown as we journey toward finding our true voice. Your true voice is the language of authentic fulfillment, joy, and happiness. While speaking your true voice, creativity flows, fears subside, and peace of mind prevails. I truly want everyone to find his or her true voice.
It took me over forty years to begin to find and speak my true voice. I had to overcome my own internal beast. The beast that tells us that we are not enough. It is the ultimate internal battle of overcoming feelings of unworthiness. Things looked successful on the outside, but I certainly can assure you that I struggled on the inside. I did the work to find out who I really was and to become what I have always wanted to be: a more authentic version of myself.
It’s ok to have fear and be scared. According to author Steven Pressfield, “Fear is a good thing. Fear is an indicator of what we have to do. The more certain we can be of the importance of the enterprise, the stronger degree of fear or strength of resistance you will have.” Interesting, huh? This really hit home with me. When I began my journey after leaving the family business, I had a lot of fear and resistance as I began that process. But I knew the importance of what I was undertaking in regard to my own self-growth process and the intuitive pull I was feeling. I had to step into that.
Interpersonal work is not easy. It’s a private journey that only you and you alone can take. It takes courage; it takes a belief in yourself that may not be fully developed or present as you begin the process. It’s a trust walk upon a darkened path into the unknown. But it is so worth it. You truly will be the butterfly coming out of its cocoon. Unload your baggage and find true self-acceptance. It is the greatest gift you can give yourself and others. Walk with me, and let’s journey together.
Chapter 2
Your Foundation
foun·da·tion
noun: foundation
1.the lowest load-bearing part of a building, typically below ground level.
2.the basis or groundwork of anything.
“Her foundation was extremely strong.”
When we think of a foundation, we typically envision a building of some sort, perhaps a house or a skyscraper. When a house is built, the strength of its foundation is key. This is the anchor that supports the entire structure, preventing it from blowing away and holding it strong and steady despite potentially changing climates and conditions. You wouldn’t think of building a house or a skyscraper without putting that essential first layer into place, would you? Well, the same is true for us. If we want to live authentically and be the best versions of ourselves and accomplish our goals and live out our dreams, the first thing we need to do is build a strong foundation. It may seem like a simple part of the overall construction process, but getting the foundation right is incredibly important. Our “house” sits on top of it! And since the main purpose of the foundation is to hold the structure above it and keep it upright, a well-built foundation keeps the building standing while the forces of nature potentially wreak havoc. It keeps its occupants safe during calamities such as strong winds and earthquakes. Well, the same thing applies to us as well. If we don’t properly build our foundation, we open ourselves up to all types of forces boldly wreaking havoc on us. Forces like judgment, low self-esteem, fear, untruths, inaction, jealousy, resistance, apathy, and imbalance, just to name a few. Our foundation should be built with care because it determines how strong and firm our “house” will stand. And how strong our “house” will stand determines how fulfilling, authentic, and successful our lives will be.
Take, for example, all of those creative folks who enter sand castle building competitions. They make building their incredible creations look so easy. If only that was so. I once read where an award-winning castle builder explained her process. She mentioned that interested onlookers often complimented her on the creative details of her work, but what those onlookers don’t realize is that her most diligent efforts were spent on the building of a solid foundation first. Generally the first two hours of her process were spent analyzing the sand content, digging until the most ideal grains are found, then saturating the sand and applying pressure to compact it into a solid formation. And then, and only then, can she get to work on the impressive detailing of her sand creation. But without those initial steps and a solid foundation, the entire structure could collapse. When we have a solid foundation under us, truly anything is possible.
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