A Lifetime of Love. Daphne Rose Kingma

       LOVE FOR ALL TIME

      Everyone who falls in love wants a lifetime of love—not just a passing experience, but a soulful connection that will grow over time and survive the life changes we all go through. We want company on the journey of our lives; we want to share life's pleasures and sorrows with a person who knows and cares about us deeply.

      All too often, however, the relationships we make don't give us the kind of satisfaction we wish they would. When we fall in love, we have high hopes because we've experienced a season of heightened excitement and pleasure, and expect that some of this ecstatic energy will follow us down the path of our relationship. But unfortunately, most of us don't know how to assure that it will, and so rather than becoming richer, deeper, and more satisfying as time goes on, our relationships often become shallower, more habitual, and less inspiring. Instead of feeling more beautifully intertwined with the person we once fell in love with, over time we begin to feel like roommates, sharing a household and a few familiar habits.

      This book is about enhancing your intimate relationship, about giving it the qualities that in your heart of hearts you hope it will be able to bestow upon you. The wonderful news is that we can actually develop the attitudes, outlooks, and behaviors that create experiences of depth, meaning, and intimacy. Instead of having a relationship that dwindles the longer it lasts, we can genuinely and reasonably look forward to a relationship that deepens and becomes richer over time—if we are willing to invest the energy.

      Depth, meaning, and intimacy are not givens. You can't have them just because you “fall in love,” or “have a relationship,” or “get married.” Rather, they are very high qualities for any relationship, qualities that refer to the extraordinary parts of our being—our spiritual dimension—where we are more than just people with feelings, habits, schedules, and responsibilities.

      When we speak of depth, we are referring to something that has the capacity to move us emotionally to a very high degree. We long for depth because depth shows us our true nature as human beings, dimensions that are not part of the ordinary goings on of daily life. When we encounter our depths, we come into contact with the further reaches of ourselves and suddenly understand that life is much grander than we ever imagined. There is a thrill in coming face to face with our own depth; there's an even greater thrill when we experience depth in a relationship. The person we love has joined us in the quality of experience that allows us to see that life is more than just what we're having for dinner or how we're going to pay the bills. Depth gives our lives a quality and a richness that simply don't exist without it.

      Meaning has to do with the significance of things; in particular, the significance of things to us. Your birthday has meaning, for example, because it reminds you of the miracle of your own life. When we experience meaning in a relationship, we suddenly understand that life has qualities and values that we didn't know it had. This comforts us; it gives us a sense of ease. Instead of feeling like we're trapped in a random universe where anything can happen and nothing can be counted on, we suddenly understand that life is orderly and beautiful. It is, in fact, exquisitely designed; we can relax our cares and concerns in the beautiful, carrying basket that meaning provides for us.

      Intimacy is the experience of closeness that brings joy to life. It's the bottom line of what we want out of our relationships. It's the pleasure of being close with someone and it is what makes us feel not only happy to be alive, but happy to be alive in the company of our beloved. Instead of being on a long, struggling, curious journey on our own, we recognize we have company and that our burdens, as well as our great joys, can be shared. Intimacy is the sharing of all our life experiences, whether deep and meaningful, or casual and everyday. The more we have this exchange, the more connected we feel to the person we love.

      Depth, meaning, and intimacy are qualities that refer to our souls, that part of each of us which is eternal and precious beyond words. So, as we seek them in our relationships, we are really reaching for something that operates on a spiritual level and gives us the great satisfaction of recognizing that we are spirits as well as mere mortal human beings. Seen in this way, love is the gift of a lifetime, one to be treasured always.

      This book is a gift of simple teachings about the grandeur, the beauty, the wonder, and the simplicity of adding depth, meaning, and intimacy to your relationship. May you enjoy it and the rich rewards that the practice of these qualities will bring to your intimate life.