it can be generous and patient, can behold the beloved not just as a person doing this or that, but as a soul on a journey. For, to the spiritually beloved, there is always a sense of this greater focus. Because of it, each action and experience takes on a different coloration. The disappointments of the moment and even the tragedies of a lifetime are seen not as happenings which are absolutes in themselves but finite, irritating specks on the larger screen of vision.
A great spiritual love does not exclude the psychological and physical—in any spiritual relationship the partners will always support each other in these realms with healing and attention—but when you love one another in the spirit, your love will also be a reminder of the infinite context, the true destination. Remembering this will give your love an exalted, crystalline, and truly luminous quality. For if your emotional relationship is a jewel, your spiritual relationship is the light that shines through it.
REJOICE TOGETHER
When we think of being with one another emotionally, we ordinarily think of empathizing with one another in times of pain or misery. While it's certainly true that in our sufferings we have a great need for empathy, we also need positive empathy—rejoicing—a delighted feeling with and for all our joys.
Rejoicing is feeling joy, allowing the feelings of exhilaration and delight to enter your being and fill you with a fine, ecstatic sense of celebration. We all need to rejoice, to slather ourselves with exultation, because life is hard; and at times our paths are very difficult. We need to rejoice because joy is our true state of being; and when we rejoice, we return to joy for a moment. We need to rejoice because there isn't enough rejoicing in the world. And we need to rejoice together because, in this world of self-involvement and nonstop competition, it's often hard to find a kindred soul with whom to rejoice.
Rejoicing is empathy at the encouraging end of the spectrum; and, although you may think it's easier to rejoice than to commiserate with someone, rejoicing, too, can be difficult. As a matter of fact, a lot of people feel so defeated in their own lives that instead of being able to celebrate with anyone else, they feel jealousy or self-pity. Indeed, unless you've really been able to feel your own joy, you may have a difficult time rejoicing, even with your beloved.
So in order to rejoice together—to double your joy, to share your beloved's pleasures, and to truly celebrate them—allow yourself to rejoice first of all in your own life, about all the things that delight you, that brighten your day, that make your heart glad. Celebrate your victories, exult in your own achievements. Then you'll be well prepared to really rejoice with your sweetheart.
Rejoicing together is breathing in joy, being together at the moment of beauty (of soul-washing tears, of life-changing praise), in the hour of unbridled happiness, of sweet—or stunning—success. It is to be the loving witness at the epiphany of a talent (his book, her photography exhibit, his all-star game, her tennis match), to celebrate special occasions: birthdays, anniversaries, life achievement awards. It is also to rejoice in all the cycles of your love—times and years you have shared, crises you have lived through, reunions that rekindled your love, and even all the good fights and their healing resolutions.
We must rejoice together because joy begets itself. It brings us more joy, more hilarity, a greater sense that life is radiance, splendor, pleasure, and fun. So one by one and, above all, together, rejoice!
OPEN TO THE ECSTATIC ENERGY
Life is breath, movement. So long as you are capable of movement, you inhabit life and the energy of life inhabits you. In this state, every step you take, every word you utter, every thought that passes through the magic electronic circuitry of your brain, every single gesture you enact is an expression of your vivid aliveness, a sign that you are a mortal, alive human being.
In relationships, we join these energies with one another through passion and affection. Sexuality and sensuality are the media of our passionate connection, the arena where flesh and spirit meet; and affection is the medium through which we express our fond, caring love.
Sometimes in our overemphasis on verbal communication, we forget that we are also bodies and that as physical beings, too, we have a unique and powerful language. In our bodies, we “feel” and know things often before we can even begin to articulate them. Through our bodies, we share our love in an immediate, instinctual way that conveys a depth of feeling beyond words.
The language of the body is this energy, the invisible, ecstatic, pulse which is the essence of life itself. We often think of our aliveness only as form—the bodies we inhabit—and not as the force of life, or energy, that flows through them. In so doing, we miss the opportunity to feel our own aliveness, and, in relationships, to be nourished by that mysterious spiritual commodity that is another person's “energy.” Yet it is precisely the “energy”—of a city, a person, a particular piece of music or an emotional exchange—that actually moves us at the deepest level. Nothing reveals this more clearly than a body which, through illness, is being drained of its energetic essence; and no one demonstrates the existence of this energy more beautifully than children.
In our intimate relationships, when we shift our attention from the material form—what we look like, what we're wearing, how in or out of shape we are—and move it into the energetic realm, we enter the grand, new, mystical arena in which we experience love itself as an expression of this energy. Instead of feeling it only as an emotion, we also sense it as a mystic invisible pulse, the heart-filling throb, the luminous shivers that tell our bodies we have truly “felt” our love.
To move your consciousness from the awareness of substance to energy, and to seek the persons whose energy, for you, is ecstatic, is to immediately expand your repertoire of love. When you do, you will not only be able to talk about the love you feel, you will actually be able to “feel” it as the tingling, brilliant, ecstatic, life essence in your body. So open your heart—and every cell of your being—to the luminous life-changing wisdom that is your soul's ecstatic energy.
STOP TRYING SO HARD
Most of us conduct our lives primarily through a combination of effort, exertion, and ambition: If I work hard, then…If it's very difficult, then…If I keep at it, then…If I do it better, longer, or stronger than anyone else, then…surely, I'll be successful, achieve my ambitions.
This inclination toward the difficult, demanding, and competitive is so much the hallmark of our culture that it has become a knee-jerk reaction in our personal lives as well. It is an occupation of the mind and a preoccupation of the personality; it is the antithesis of grace, of ease.
Unfortunately, the same sad predilection toward effort that we apply to work we also apply to love. We use the ghastly expression that we are “working on” our relationships, as if they were cars that needed repairs or gold mines from which with endless effort we might dredge up the sacred paydirt of a wonderful relationship.
When we look at love in this way, we degrade it. Love becomes a project instead of a miracle, and we miss the fruits of its marvelous quirkiness. We can become so involved with “working on” it, “sharing” our feelings, “trying” to communicate better, or “learning” how to negotiate, that love, the mysterious power that brought us together in the first place, is all but stifled in the process.
This isn't to say that a good relationship doesn't prosper from the appropriate forms of focused attention, but rather that if you become fixated on it in this way, you'll squeeze out all the juice and be left with nothing but an empty rind.
The truth is that most of the things we try for in life are just that—trials and trying. But when we slip, by accident, into the effortless space, we stand face-to-face with the miracle—and the lesson—that the things that move us
