I felt only a great void inside me.
This was not how I hoped to feel after four years.
Many times, I had imagined meeting Zane, but in all my fantasies, I always remained dispassionate and serene, satisfied with my life, and committed to my new career.
Instead, I was penniless, without a job or a new love ... and soon a house, if I did not immediately pay the rent.
Audrey, don't give up! There are still many things you can do!
I wiped my face and, when the elevator doors reopened, I ran to the exit.
I walked for a long time, until I arrived at Sherman Park, where I relaxed on a bench in front of a pond filled with ducks.
Exhausted and hungry, I opened Gwen's muffin box.
The scent of blueberries and frosting penetrated my nostrils, taking me back over the years, to when I used to spend Sunday mornings lying on the bed next to Zane, after making love all night.
I remembered that I loved leaving home early, secretly, to go to Gwen's coffee shop one block from our house. I stocked up on coffee, blueberry muffins for Zane and chocolate chips for me. Then I would go home, prepare trays, and go back to the bedroom. Each time Zane woke up because of the smell of sweets and coffee, his drug of choice.
We always had breakfast in each other’s arms, making plans for the future, then we went back to making love without worrying about what time it was.
Only once Zane got ahead of me and woke up before me to go get muffins and have a surprise breakfast.
That was the time I found an engagement ring inside one of my sweets.
"What's this?" I asked him, pretending indifference, while my heart had jumped out of my chest.
"Oh, nothing important," he added quickly nonchalantly. "It's just a way of reminding you that you'll soon be my wife."
"And this would be your marriage proposal?" I laughed amused. "I expected something more romantic and blatant from a creative director."
"I thought about it, but then you dampened my enthusiasm the time you told me you hate public declarations of love."
"True."
"You also told me that you can't stand to hear the usual phrase" Will you marry me? "In romantic films”
"I find it devoid of originality and too classic."
"I know."
"Therefore? Does this mean you don't even ask me? "
"What?"
"If I want to marry you."
"There is no need."
"Aren't you thinking too much of yourself?" I had made fun of him.
"No. I am simply avoiding being refused, since without question, there is no answer. "
"I would never do that. You know I love you so much. "
“Thank God ... I made it! If you had refused me, I would have died. The idea of living without you is something that I hope will never happen. I do not know what I would do without you. I love you, Audrey, you are my whole life. "
"You are everything to me too," I replied, kissing him with passion and sealing our love with that ring.
That memory made me melt into tears.
I could not eat even one of the six muffins that soon became drenched in tears.
I sat there on that bench for I do not know how long.
I just wanted to get rid of all the pain that had taken hold of my stomach and chest.
4
Zane
"A whiskey, please," I ordered hurriedly to the bartender, sitting at the counter.
I could not believe it.
I had stopped drinking for three years, except on special occasions.
Three years in which I was committed to forgetting my wrecked marriage, to putting back what was left of my broken heart, to go back to breathing without always feeling that dull pain in the chest that left me breathless ...
And now…
Now I was there, in a bar, not far from my office, at ten in the morning, sipping a whiskey instead of working.
I felt I was going back years when Audrey had left me and suddenly the whole world had collapsed on me.
For more than a year I had found refuge in alcohol, until I realized that soon I would also lose the Thunder Company, now on the verge of bankruptcy.
Only my work had given me the strength to get back on my feet and turn the page.
I had succeeded.
I had had the success I had always wanted, leading me to become the head of one of the most popular advertising agencies in Chicago.
I had achieved my dream and that of my wife, a woman who had pushed me to form a company, and to believe more in myself and the fact that I would achieve incredible goals.
I had worked hard for years to make her proud of me.
I loved my job, but what had always pushed me to stay in the office until midnight every night, to look for new customers even on Sundays, to invest our paltry savings in advertising, was her. I had done all that only with one purpose: not to disappoint the expectations of the woman I loved and who believed in me to the point of putting all of herself at stake to focus everything on me, her "winning horse,” as she said.
I never took all her complaints seriously, about how I always spent too much time at work, for I knew how important it was for her too.
However, I understood how tiring it was for her. For that reason, I had decided to give her a break and hire an employee to do her job, so that she would have more time for herself, as she always asked when we worked at Kreinberg’s.
I did it for her, just to make her feel good.
I had not thought that my decision would come back to haunt me, leading her to have a good time with my copywriter, Rick Mendoza.
In an instant I drained my whiskey, hoping that this would erase my past.
I felt alcohol burning my stomach and setting my throat on fire, but I did not care.
I had needed to dull my mind since I had seen Audrey at Prestige.
All I had to do is close my eyes to see my fingers scroll through the long brown
