Anxiety Hits.
It's said that passion keeps the dream alive, and variety is the spice of life. I can't correlate such optimism, constant clouds, no sunlight shining bright.
I feel nothing to relate to joy, I've completely lost my fire,
years have passed since I've felt a spark; that I'm someone to admire.
It's not attractive to be me, a walking upset fool.
So I lie by day, and die by night, my thought process is cruel.
I wander through natures wonder, to set aside my woes,
and to myself, my daydreams I ponder, and my dark anxiety grows.
For I, for one, am wearing a mask, talking pleasantly;
yet deep inside I yearn with all my aching heart, that I could live as me.
Anxiety is lost, for a moment. Alone.
I look across a barren field and I see colour, haze, and flowers. I decide to linger, smell the air, and the minutes turn to hours.
I've been here before, I know I have; Its a place that calls to me. For when I'm here it's new again and my dreams are all I see.
I get lost in time, in air, in depth, in all my intricacies.
I scrutinize, and blink, and yawn and let sunlight cover me.
When the light turns away, and the grass gets cold, its time to leave and see; if this night, in fact, alone again, will be any different for me.
Peace, at last.
I could watch this blank wall all day, it's still and perfectly quiet. I just want to switch off and breathe, allow myself to escape the daily riot.
I’ll let the let timer count the hours, silently; please don't disturb. The flickering candlelight bounces off the wall, I smell jasmine, relaxing herbs.
I let my mind flow, to a happy place; a beach with no one on it. I dream I'm dreaming of poetry, amongst no one I sit and recite sonnets.
I hope I can stay here longer than it takes the candle to burn; as this is the place that speaks to my soul; A place I frequently yearn.
Above us.
Walking towards the edge of the earth, I quickly slow down and look up. And right there staring back at me, is an unknown scene of lust.
How on earth did I miss you? And how does it feel so good?
To silently sit below you, and to feel so much in love.
For you, dear skies and unknown stars, hear the universe' thoughts and more! I want to bathe in your galaxies, get washed upon your shores!
How can I reach you? Will you change, or maybe slow time for me? Can I keep your beauty as it is right now? This untouched wonder I see.
Frigid in fear.
To fear who I am tomorrow, is based on yesterday.
To love myself in this moment, feels like I'm drowning in today.
So who am I right now? Who will I continue to be?
The angel in my darkest hour, or my own worst entity?
Oh! The pressure sweeps on over, as I sit here pensively,
and wait and watch the hour, of the clock in front of me.
Time passes me by, it's getting late, and I'm ready to do nothing; So I sit here a while longer, until nighttime leads to morning.
Numbness.
I don't know how best to express how I love you.
I fail; I’m why you apologize to me, I'm the cause of all your sadness, it always ends in misery.
I wake and hate just who I am, I dream of numbing my fears. This isn't new, and it's not you, its been a horrid cycle for years.
I don't want your forgiveness; I'm not quite done with self-harm. I don't know the day I'm hoping to change, maybe like yesterday, today’s the one.
You.
Light beams through the window, I watch your face glisten.
Your perfect contours, your tone, your dark hair, to the beat of your heart I listen.
Are you dreaming of me, you and I alone, in an idyllic courtyard somewhere? I hope you see me as your angel, as you stand, walk toward me, we peacefully stare.
“I love you”, I whisper, and I see your mouth twitch, and I pretend that you've just heard me. I could lay here all day, simply gazing at you, my vulnerability begs; “don't hurt me”.
Skies answers.
In solitude, I sit myself down upon a ledge, and smirk at what I see; A vast fast city, a tiny tree, the earth surrounding me.
Am I the bigger being, or did I just shrink beneath;
An unknown show of vivid sky, full of destiny?
Am I the only one searching; for answers from this twilight?
Or did I ask the questions that inspire my darkest insights?
Now lying supine, I absorb the whole atmosphere, my questions seem so loud, but as much as I crave the answers; my thoughts stay in the clouds.
I watch you.
Darling, although you aren't aware,
with adoring infatuation, each day I stare.
Through the years I've known you, I’m in massive awe each day, Oblivious, I watch you; you're becoming, my cynosure display.
In the aurora of the morning, your skin shines, your eyes, they seem to glow. You're truly scrumptious, I'm taken aback, but I'll never let you know.
For I hold my thoughts as arsenal, to keep us on a level;
In intimacy, you are all I see, but I keep my surreptitious secret special.
Complex Simplicity.
Beauty and bitterness, lanterns and lightbulbs, It's plain enough to breathe. Add the extra pinch of pain; adds complexity.
Black and white, rich
