Launching Your Autistic Youth to Successful Adulthood. Katharina Manassis
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• Stay hopeful, be patient, and recognize that some outcomes, especially those dependent on others’ commitment, are beyond your control; aim high but be prepared to compromise; avoid comparing your youth with others; focus on small steps forward.
Chapter 2
Setting Goals
Who Defines Successful Transition?
Henry’s mother: It was an awful summer…endless job applications and no results!
Henry: It was a great summer. I was busy and I found a possible girlfriend!
Whose perspective is accurate, Henry’s or his mother’s? You probably already know the answer: both. Throughout your child’s life, you may have wrestled with differences over how to spend time, what goals to aim for, and what constitutes a good, productive day—or summer, as for Henry. Now that your child is nearing adulthood, those differences will factor into many important decisions about the future. Your son, like Henry, might be comfortable maintaining his usual routines and developing his social life, while you want him to prioritize working towards vocational success in the long term. Your daughter, hoping to become a surgeon, might not want to discuss anything except how happy she’ll be when she reaches her goal. Meanwhile, you might want her to demonstrate some adult life skills (e.g. learning to manage money or succeeding at a part-time job) before she considers applying to medical school.
You and your youth may define success in the transition to adulthood differently. In the example, Henry’s mother felt that she and her 20-year-old son had failed at the job search that she had worked hard to prepare him for, because they found he simply couldn’t compete with his non-autistic peers in job interviews, where he rarely looked people in the eye and mumbled in response to questions. Henry, on the other hand, had enjoyed attending an employment skills program for autistic youth over the summer. Not only did the regularly scheduled classes suit his love of routine, but he had met a girl who shared his interest in superheroes, and they had attended two superhero movies together over the summer. The fact that he had overcome his shyness to go on his first dates made Henry feel he’d had a great summer and made a great start on his path toward adulthood.
You might also need to consider other perspectives on the transition to adulthood, such as the opinions of professionals who are available to help your family along this path. You will struggle with whether those professionals are overestimating or underestimating your child’s abilities. Sometimes they know more than you do. For example, a trained psychologist may have a better idea of your child’s cognitive abilities than you do. Other times, they are “lumping” your child together with a handful of other autistic individuals they have seen, and may know little about your son’s or daughter’s specific abilities. In this case, their assessment of their potential may be quite inaccurate.
In this chapter, we look at different perspectives on the transition to adulthood, how to find common ground among them, how to set goals with your son or daughter, and how to communicate in ways likely to encourage progress rather than prompting resistance.
Understanding different perspectives
In the example, perspectives differ because Henry values dating and regular routines while his mother values employment for her son. If these differences in values are not discussed, they could result in frustration and conflict; if they are discussed, Henry can be supported in his transition to adulthood while taking into account his preferences and values. For example, maybe he can be encouraged to persevere with seeking work so he can earn enough money to take his girlfriend to a nice restaurant or to a comic book convention.
Differences in perspectives and values related to burgeoning adulthood are not unique to Henry and his mother or even to young people with ASD. However, decisions about education, employment, relationships, and the mundane management of daily adult life are complicated for youth with ASD by the fact that they may be advanced in some areas and delayed in others. Your daughter, for example, might be very bright but lack social skills. This could mean that she has the competence to handle the tasks of a certain job but lacks the ability to communicate and collaborate with co-workers. Your son might have had girlfriends in high school, but can’t travel on his own so his ability to develop adult relationships depends on your being his chauffeur. Different discrepancies pose different challenges, and almost all can only be overcome with some support and encouragement from you.
Table 2.1 Who prioritizes which aspects of adult life? | |
Aspect of adult life | People who consider it highly important |
Post-secondary education | Parents |
Employment | Parents |
Positive social connections | Educators |
Independence | Educators |
Mental and physical health | Physicians |
Adequate family, social, and community supports | Everyone |
Beyond parent–child differences, Table 2.1 summarizes the aspects of adult life which are prioritized by different groups of people around the young adult with ASD. Elias, Muskett and White (2019) did focus groups with secondary and post-secondary educators and asked them to identify the main areas of need for youth on the autism spectrum. They prioritized overall competence, autonomy/independence, and interpersonal relationships. By contrast, researchers studying parents found they were most focused on their children’s educational and career goals (Taylor and DaWalt 2017). Parents whose children had disruptions in their educational or career paths after high school were more depressed than those whose children did not experience these difficulties. Not surprisingly, multiple studies found that physicians were most focused on physical and mental health in autistic young people (Wilson and Peterson 2018).
It is easy to see how these differences could result in frustration if unrecognized. For instance, you may be dismayed by educators’ emphasis on social connections and independence, as you see the educators’ main job as preparing your son or daughter for the academic aspects of post-secondary education. We all want our children to “aim high” when it comes to long-term goals, and education is a vital part of that success in the twenty-first century. However, young people with ASD who struggle in college report social isolation, rather than academic difficulty, as the biggest problem (Jackson et al. 2018), so the educators might have a point. Educators and parents must listen to each other and, most importantly, to the autistic youth themselves regarding the best ways of supporting success. Open discussion of goals and areas of difficulty among parents, educators, and young people themselves can clearly be helpful. This is true for all youth starting adulthood, but is even more important with autistic youth where the issues are so much more complex than the average.
Young ASD adults vary a great deal in their preferences and priorities. Some, like Henry, value the social side of life while others are much more interested in educational or career success, independence, or good health. Like Henry, they may value an aspect of life that has been difficult for them in the past. Recall that in his case, shyness made socializing difficult. Someone with a history of physical or mental health problems may value progress or stability in this area; someone held back by an inability to navigate around town independently may want to work on that area. Still others prefer to build on their strengths. A highly intelligent young woman with ASD, for